4
   

married 39n years, he cheated, with so many women, did not know about his fetishes

 
 
Reply Wed 10 Jul, 2019 09:34 pm
Hope to keep this short. 12 years ago he had a heart attack, so our sex life put on hold, never returned only occasionally. I bought a new phone to upgrade, his broke, he used my new phone for two weeks. I finally got around to changing my phone to the new one. He did not clear his data...well I got it all. Early one day in May of this year it took me 24 hours to go through all 173 women, found 4 long term relationships was still in them when I got my phone, 45 women he used for sex on a regular basis. The rest of the 173 sex talk. He was on multiple dating sites, multiple bondage sites, he attended sex parties regularly. He had his own toy tool kits, 4 suit cases full of sex toys that went on the road with him. Our marriage never had a reason to question his where abouts, he was an advent race car guy followed the circuit, was on a pit crew. I work full time as a manager a bit of hours a week. He is a truck driver but not full time. I have spoken with several of the women, they knew about each other and knew there were many as he I find out was a master in bdsm and had many slaves, he never told them he was married. Still hard for me to even say these words. I confronted him finally after I had all that I needed to know. I even joined his bdsm sites, dating sites, and sent him messages to let him know I now knew. His reaction, shocked, sat on the edge of his seat, admitted up to all, knew I had a tough decision to make if I would leave or stay. He told me if I stayed he would completely leave that other world and spend the rest of his life making amends. That he was ready to leave it as he no longer wanted it. If I left he would help me set up to live a good life, but he said he would not be going back to that life style even if I were gone. Said he was still in love with me deeply and he would have never done this if he thought it would have hurt me this much. Said he thought about himself only, his needs, he pushed me from his thoughts during his other life. He removed these women from his life...how do I know...they tell me...they are actually extremely upset he done this. Some want revenge to this day. Now he told me one lady whom lives many miles away, he had her for sex, until she could no longer perform because of health, but he likes her for companionship...lol...yup..but ended it. I have checked his phone, computer, and so many contacts, pictures, events, are all gone. For how long...I do not know. Did I stay, yes on the condition I cannot handle it no more. Do I trust him...never, long time but never. Do I love him, yes but not the same now. Do I want a life with him, still up in the air. I have been told he will never stop, only for a while, he is good at lying, deceit, hiding everything including his real emotions, now I find this out. Like I said I have never had a reason to question him and his actions, but he deceived me so much I am at a loss. I am told to walk away by everyone, not to stay, his loss. What would you guys do?????
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Type: Discussion • Score: 4 • Views: 347 • Replies: 11

 
glitterbag
 
  4  
Reply Wed 10 Jul, 2019 09:39 pm
@peachy1960,
I'd get checked for STD's and call a divorce lawyer.
peachy1960
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Jul, 2019 09:41 pm
@glitterbag,
Yup.. he has doctors appointment coming up for that as he never wore a condom....told to me by many.
My problem is I do not trust myself to make decisions...weird as I have always been strong.
Opps...should have said I have not had sex with him in many years. He would act all ill, but he knew it was a no no to touch me...it that makes sense.
He went to this life to in my opinion to abuse wome, Something that was alien to me.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Thu 11 Jul, 2019 05:35 am
@peachy1960,
He's a proven liar. He's also a dolt for doing his thing on your phone. So I think he wanted to be caught.

So, has Mister 60-something (by my calculations) BDSM master of a harem across multiple state lines changed?

Does it matter?

I strongly suspect the only thing that has changed is that now he's gone underground and gotten more careful and better at hiding things.

Yeah, I would call a divorce lawyer, too.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Thu 11 Jul, 2019 09:16 am
By the posting, there had been years without sex in the relationship an people are shock just shock that he look for sex outside of his marriage???????????

Given the situation he is likely to be better off with a divorce.

As far as the phone is concern it look like he did wish her to know that he is getting his needs met outside the married bed an the only thing he did wrong as far as I can see is not telling her directly.
0 Replies
 
Mookie1312
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Jul, 2019 06:29 pm
@peachy1960,
Sex addiction is very real, if you stay you're in for a tough tide. Start a new life, see a therapist, yes, get tested for STD’s, let him work through his issues on his own. If you two are meant to be in a healthy relationship it'll happen.

Focus on your mental and physical health-this is a huge betrayal and you must get this sorted on your own. Pls seek help, I'm speaking from experience, I was so conditioned to be comfortable with any situation where I was treated as garbage, that after I left I was so lonely that I desperately wanted him back. It took 4 years of therapy to finally be free. To this day he finds a way to check on me through mutual friends, I was his ultimate source of degrading power. It's a sickening cycle. THIS ISN’T LOVE.

The things I discovered on his computer sent me to the darkest of places and I actually felt my body split while trying to process what I was seeing, was our relationship a cover for his friends, family, coworkers, did he love me, was our sexual relationship a joke, what did this make me, did he see me as a woman, did I look like a man?

Best wishes. Work hard
0 Replies
 
Medusax
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Jul, 2019 10:38 pm
@peachy1960,
I would do what I DID when my last boyfriend pulled his stupid crap. I removed him from my life. Good riddance. The single life is better anyway.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Jul, 2019 10:44 pm
@peachy1960,
peachy1960 wrote:

Hope to keep this short. 12 years ago he had a heart attack, so our sex life put on hold, never returned only occasionally. I bought a new phone to upgrade, his broke, he used my new phone for two weeks. I finally got around to changing my phone to the new one. He did not clear his data...well I got it all. Early one day in May of this year it took me 24 hours to go through all 173 women, found 4 long term relationships was still in them when I got my phone, 45 women he used for sex on a regular basis. The rest of the 173 sex talk. He was on multiple dating sites, multiple bondage sites, he attended sex parties regularly. He had his own toy tool kits, 4 suit cases full of sex toys that went on the road with him. Our marriage never had a reason to question his where abouts, he was an advent race car guy followed the circuit, was on a pit crew. I work full time as a manager a bit of hours a week. He is a truck driver but not full time. I have spoken with several of the women, they knew about each other and knew there were many as he I find out was a master in bdsm and had many slaves, he never told them he was married. Still hard for me to even say these words. I confronted him finally after I had all that I needed to know. I even joined his bdsm sites, dating sites, and sent him messages to let him know I now knew. His reaction, shocked, sat on the edge of his seat, admitted up to all, knew I had a tough decision to make if I would leave or stay. He told me if I stayed he would completely leave that other world and spend the rest of his life making amends. That he was ready to leave it as he no longer wanted it. If I left he would help me set up to live a good life, but he said he would not be going back to that life style even if I were gone. Said he was still in love with me deeply and he would have never done this if he thought it would have hurt me this much. Said he thought about himself only, his needs, he pushed me from his thoughts during his other life. He removed these women from his life...how do I know...they tell me...they are actually extremely upset he done this. Some want revenge to this day. Now he told me one lady whom lives many miles away, he had her for sex, until she could no longer perform because of health, but he likes her for companionship...lol...yup..but ended it. I have checked his phone, computer, and so many contacts, pictures, events, are all gone. For how long...I do not know. Did I stay, yes on the condition I cannot handle it no more. Do I trust him...never, long time but never. Do I love him, yes but not the same now. Do I want a life with him, still up in the air. I have been told he will never stop, only for a while, he is good at lying, deceit, hiding everything including his real emotions, now I find this out. Like I said I have never had a reason to question him and his actions, but he deceived me so much I am at a loss. I am told to walk away by everyone, not to stay, his loss. What would you guys do?????


This here is what you need to know> If you ever find anyone who is willing to put up with your crazy over this lifetime, and you are as well willing to put up with theirs...well then you have struck gold!
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sat 13 Jul, 2019 02:50 am
Actions speak louder than words.

He lied constantly and serial cheated for years. Why would he stop Now?
Just because he got caught? His shame is temporary. He says whatever he has to say to maintain the status quo.

Cut your losses and start a new life without this abuse and neglect. You (and all) deserve better. You’re not into BDSM and fetishism and he’s addicted to it. That won’ t change and shouldn’t.
hawkeye10
 
  2  
Reply Sat 13 Jul, 2019 02:55 am
@Ragman,
Ragman wrote:

Actions speak louder than words.

He lied constantly and serial cheated for years. Why would he stop Now?
Just because he got caught? His shame is temporary. He says whatever he has to say to maintain the status quo.

Cut your losses and start a new life without this abuse and neglect. You (and all) deserve better. You’re not into BDSM and fetishism and he’s addicted to it. That won’ t change and shouldn’t.


"Pay attention to what they do so much more than what they say, if you have any sense".....Truer words were never said!
BillRM
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 13 Jul, 2019 04:48 am
@hawkeye10,
From her repeat her comments either she or he or both used his heart condition as an excused to stop having sex, so it is hardly surprising that he turn to other women.

Other then not being upfront with her I still do not see what he did wrong.
peachy1960
 
  2  
Reply Sat 13 Jul, 2019 11:20 am
@BillRM,
yup sounds good too me...I should have realized a relationship was to please just one person....and no sorry I implied that he was cut off from sex...as he was not..it was during his healing period....his fetish was long before me...he hide it for years...as he got in deeper...I was cut off...but you have to realize I took my vows very serious...I thought he did no longer want sex from me....I gave him all his needs....just noy his fetish...as I did not know..
0 Replies
 
 

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