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Older men and younger women.

 
 
Reply Sun 1 May, 2005 01:40 pm
There is nothing new here. I believe most guys, especially older divorced guys find younger women far more appealing than ones appropriate for their age.

Everyone is different and there are any number of reasons why it is possible for a relationship that includes a huge age disparity to work out. Normally it involves money. If a guy has enough money it is not hard at all to find a woman to marry that is 20-25 years his senior.

The main problem I have experienced is one similar one experiences having a lovely wife that just happens to be a member of a family of people you really don't want to have anything to do with. In the case of the divorced women I have dated inevitably their relations as well as some of their friends are jackasses or the woman finds my friends to be the same way to her.

In a recent bad experience my lady friend and I were standing in a theatre lobby with another couple during an intermission. I have known the other guy for more than 40 years. While I was absent, having excused myself to use the mens room he made an off color remark to my lady friend. This in spite of the fact it was the first time they had met.

No fuss was made of it for the remainder of the evening but when my lady friend and I bid the couple goodnight to their car in the driveway, as soon as they pulled out, my lady friend continued to her car, said "Goodnight" and drove off. I have not heard from her since. She had emphasized that she preferred our relationship to be as "friends" to begin with because of our age difference. She is 45 and I am 68.

When she drove off it was as if the light switch had been turned off. I felt very bad the whole week, especially that night and the next day.

Yesterday I bought the movie "Something's Got to Give" with Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton. I enjoyed it but at the same time there were some parts in that movie that had a very dark side to them and they made me feel very uncomfortable. They made me realize how old I really am. They made me feel like an idiot as well as a dirty old man.

I am now trying to decide whether to still keep trying or resign myself to a hermit-like existence and just go deeper into my reading and writing and forget about spending the rest of my nights in bed with Diane Keaton or a woman even younger like the one I took to see "Gypsy" last Saturday Evening.

Advice anyone? :wink:
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Type: Discussion • Score: 8 • Views: 29,005 • Replies: 405
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 May, 2005 02:20 pm
Jack Webbs - Hey, lighten up. Maybe your friend was jealous that you had a younger woman with you.

For you, is it either dating younger women or spending Saturday night alone? There is another choice. There are many women who are in the same stage of life as you or slightly younger, who would be happy to go out with you. If you are fixated on youth, you have a problem, and have to deal with it.

You ARE getting older, and I know that it is an ego boost to be with a much younger woman. In some cases, it just might work out. But, IMO, you should be looking for a person with whom you are compatible, and not be so concerned about age.
0 Replies
 
Jack Webbs
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 May, 2005 11:21 pm
Yes, what you say makes perfect sense Phoenix32890 but it may also be very simplistic. I will not go so far as to say it doesn't apply to me but it reminds me of my former attitude about divorce. I used to think: Oh, what an awful thing to happen. I had absolutely no idea just how awful an experience it really was until it happened to me!

You hit the nail on the head though when you mention the ego boost I get being seen with a younger woman. That is also the reason I treated myself to a signal red Mercedes-Benz roadster around last Christmas. Not brand knew but very nice. Ego, feeling of youth.

I feel like I am much younger when I zoom around in it, especially with a much younger woman sitting next to me.

Another thing is the fun does not last very long. In spite of the youth there is no mutual interest of any strength. Our lives are simply out of synch time wise. Sex is nice but you cannot spend every minute of a date preoccupied with it. And it just is not realistic to think you can let alone try to. That is a relatively small part of a relationship.

But I just cannot bring myself to asking older women out. I have attempted to and when I date a woman around 60 I feel like I am dating my Aunt. Wrinkles, pouches, flab. All normal things that happen to people including myself! I look in the mirror and I see an old guy, out of shape, pear shaped. Yet? I expect young women to not see it, overlook it.

Friday I was among a group of retired professional people. We are all seniors. One woman found it absolutely hilarious to sing this song she made up pointing out all the awful physical changes of getting old. She sang it to the tune of "Twelve Days of Christmas." I found it very offensive not the least bit funny. She should sing that song in front of a mirror alone. She is all lumpy and she has false teeth!

Later this afternoon I attended a political forum. A woman (late thirties, early forties) began chatting and I could tell there was a little chemistry there. I asked her if she was a journalist and she smiled and said: No, I'm more of a commentator. We exchanged small talk, the break came, she said she would see me again and she left. Somehow I know I am going to see her again.

I am waiting to see if I hear anything positive from the woman I took to see Gypsy. If I do not hear anything by Tuesday I am going to invite another woman I know (who is age appropriate) to a dance review on Saturday. She is about 13 years younger but she has kept herself in good shape. Amazon.

I am still thinking about a lot of things though. There is another woman who is 54 who is a good person. I dated her for about a year. She kept gaining weight and I told her I just could not continue to date her because she was so heavy and she would not lose weight. She was looking for a commitment too. I could tell. She still calls me now and then.

It is just so difficult to find a woman even remotely like my ex to whom I was married for nearly 30 years before she decided to call it quits.

This sounds awful but the only thing good that came out of the divorce is that I have two Mercedes-Benz and a dog. Plus my house and a little money in the bank. Outside of that? Not one damn tangible thing worth mentioning!

As I sat watching Charles Krauthammer being interviewed tonight I glanced over at the sofa and imagined Diane Keaton was sitting there in a night gown painting her toenails. It was only my dog.

Sometimes I can't help getting upset with myself. I don't look like Clark Gable or Alan Alda but I know I am better looking than Jack Elam was. It is entirely wrong, selfish to expect so much. Yet?

Where is that woman I need so much to love me Question
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2005 02:57 am
Quote:
But I just cannot bring myself to asking older women out. I have attempted to and when I date a woman around 60 I feel like I am dating my Aunt. Wrinkles, pouches, flab. All normal things that happen to people including myself! I look in the mirror and I see an old guy, out of shape, pear shaped. Yet? I expect young women to not see it, overlook it.


Apparently, you don't want to date women in your age category because they remind you of YOU. IMO, that is your big problem. You are aging, and you are having difficulty in facing up to the fact.

Quote:
It is just so difficult to find a woman even remotely like my ex to whom I was married for nearly 30 years before she decided to call it quits.


You don't have to tell me, but you might want to think about why your wife divorced you after thirty years. One thing that you need to understand is that no two people are alike, or as my mother always says,

"You can't have everything in everybody".


Quote:
This sounds awful but the only thing good that came out of the divorce is that I have two Mercedes-Benz and a dog. Plus my house and a little money in the bank. Outside of that? Not one damn tangible thing worth mentioning!


What about the thirty years that you had living? You seem to be fixated on THINGS. Even the women that you want are "trophies". What about yourself? Have you developed into the person that you want to be, or do you feel that you still need fancy objects, to show the rest of the world how much you have succeeded?

IMO, you need to really discover who YOU are, and find out why you are not happy with yourself. At the age of 68, if you are not comfortable in your own skin, wrinkles, flab, and all, you need to find out why, fast. You need to learn why you need to validate yourself through others. I think that when you understand why, you will be much, much happier, and not so fixated on youth.

Age does have its glories, and one of them is the ability not to give a damn about the fact that you are no longer young, and have to put on a show.
0 Replies
 
Bekaboo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2005 04:54 am
I think he meant good things that came out of the divorce: not the marriage - as in he'd rather still be married.
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2005 05:08 am
Bekaboo wrote:
I think he meant good things that came out of the divorce: not the marriage - as in he'd rather still be married.


Yes, perhaps you are right. But it is interesting that Jack Webbs' focus was on tangible items. It is difficult to get your life together, when you have lived a certain way for thirty years. The fact that his wife was the one who wanted the divorce IS ego shattering. Since we don't know the particulars, it is impossible to comment about it.

It looks like Jack Webbs is attempting to get his life together, but is not focusing on ways that will give him long term joy, only a momentary ego boost.

Jack- I am curious as to how long you have been divorced. Having gone through a divorce myself, at a much younger age than you, I truly understand the problem of rediscovering my "niche" in life. I would suspect that after 30 years with one person, that the journey would be much more difficult.
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Jack Webbs
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2005 10:57 am
You are right Phoenix, I don't appreciate older women because they remind me of my age. That is all there is too it. Plus with the exception of one woman a few years ago who was actually five years older than me, most women of that vintage act like women that age are supposed to act; proper, reserved, beach walkers, travelers etc. etc. I get bored with that business very quickly.

This older woman, Suzanne, was from Belgium and she was the most artistic woman I have ever known. As her hobbies she wrote, directed and even made costumes for plays. She was teaching me how to play golf. She acted and DID everything I would expect of a woman in her early forties to do yet she was 65 at the time. She was intelligent, very independent and had her own money as well. Had no desire at all to get married again. Some afternoons she would break out a massage table and give me a massage while we watched our favorite soap opera. Physical fit, tight skin. She could teach Yoga as well as Tai Chi? Former ballerina. Very short at five feet even. Svelte. Suzanne was like that. And what a lovely accent!!!!

Nothing lasts for ever though, she moved up to Wyoming to live with her older sister. I know it may sound strange but I don't know how long I could have kept up with Suzanne. I never asked her but someone that has that much energy all the time might be taking something.

When I look back I am puzzled as to why my ex left me after all those years. Yes I didn't get along with my children. Yes I forbid both daughters to marry men I didn't like but they did anyone. And yes, I all but disowned them, stopped speaking to them. My ex was really mad about it and I don't believe she ever got over it. I think the main reason though was because I just took her for granted. If I had it to do all over again I wold probably still dislike my children, after all I dislike some of them now, but I would never take my ex for granted again. I would be a romantic guy, learn how to be a "boyfriend." Smile

I have been divorced for almost 17 years. I have dated many women, most of them no more than two or three times. Cathy was good for more than a year but then she gained too much weight. Suzanne was marvelous but I doubt I will ever find another Suzanne again as I am not looking for a woman five years older than me. Maybe today Suzanne may not be looking to hot either you know what I mean?

I can detect aging more now than ever. As I viewed my favorite local Canadian cutie news anchoress the other night I could see the tell tale signs, make up can't hide everything. That Katey Couric is long past glamour, Diane Sawyer? Oh God, give me a break!

Coincidentally I ran into my dentist, Doctor Bob, at the post office earlier. Coincidentally I have an appointment with him at 2:00PM. We always talk about women when I am in the dentist chair. This morning he said: Wait until you see the new dental assistant I hired!

I can hardly wait Dr. Bob. Seventeen years since my divorce, God may smile on me today. :wink:
0 Replies
 
Jack Webbs
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 May, 2005 10:48 pm
I am beginning to think I better be willing to be more reasonable about my quest for a new woman. I suppose this includes swallowing my pride and hunting for an older woman.

It is simply a biological thing. I still have the you know what drive, older women don't. If I wanted to spend more money I could focus in on a young woman and buy her. Marilyn Monroe said something to the effect that money is not essential in a relationship. It just makes things a lot easier. Of course every woman wants a monied man. They would be silly if they said they did not! But heck I'm not a rich guy.

I looked around at the older women in my group last week. Egads! me with one of them? I don't think so.

I'm going to give it another chance. I am taking a trip. I have placed an ad for a nice, slim, divorced, college educated woman between 40-50 to come with me as a "companion.":-) All she needs to do is provide me with fun during the two weeks. Everything is on the house. I suggested she bring only whatever she needs. We are going cross the continent, round trip.

I know this plan probably sounds daring to anyone but that is the kind of man I am. I have done daring things all my life and here at age 68 I am still doing them.

This could be the start of something grand. I'm game. How about you? :wink:
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Debra Law
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 May, 2005 12:20 am
The start of something grand? Egads!
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aidan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 May, 2005 01:03 am
Jack - You had me going there for a while. I read your initial posts with interest - amazed at the poignancy of your words and sentiments in comparison with those I usually read from you on this forum. I tuned in today to see what had happened with Dr. Bob's assistant-and you lost me. Your last post is just a touch too theatrical. You're not for real, are you? But I'd be interested in knowing if you had any replies to your invitation for a two week all expense paid trip across the continent for some lucky 40-50 year old lady. Come on, fess up.

By the way, this young-looking and acting, slim, educated 40-50 year old woman has already determined that when she enters into another relationship with a man, she will go YOUNGER. I think you have it backwards. Women grow old and lose interest in and ability to perform sexually much more slowly than men. The older woman/younger man scenario makes much more sense than the older man/younger woman version. At least physically, and in my mind. Good luck on your quest.
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dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 May, 2005 01:54 am
Hmm - personally, I am stunned at the number of younger guys who seem to want a relationship with older women.
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Debra Law
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 May, 2005 02:12 am
Jack Webbs wrote:
I looked around at the older women in my group last week. Egads! me with one of them? I don't think so.


aidan wrote:
By the way, this young-looking and acting, slim, educated 40-50 year old woman has already determined that when she enters into another relationship with a man, she will go YOUNGER.


I'm in that female demographic and my man is seven years YOUNGER than me. I've seen 68 year old men. Me? with one of them? Egads! I don't think so.
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Jack Webbs
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 May, 2005 12:33 pm
I tuned in today to see what had happened with Dr. Bob's assistant-and you lost me. Your last post is just a touch too theatrical. You're not for real, are you? But I'd be interested in knowing if you had any replies to your invitation for a two week all expense paid trip across the continent for some lucky 40-50 year old lady. Come on, fess up. (Posted by aiden)

My visit to the dentist was not as much fun as most of them are. Yes, his new assistant is very nice but he began discussing the cost of future work and it took my mind completely off the girl. Simply put, she was nice.

I am more passionate than most men of 68 and it often boils over into my notes, good as well as bad. Sometimes it even boils over into foolish actions.

Today, for example, I am going to watch a dance review at a local college. One of those things produced by the students and faculty at the end of the Fall Semester. Last year I lost my heart to this fortyish tap dancer. When the presentation was over I jumped on stage and followed her into the wings hoping to make a date.

Well of course it didn't work out. Turns out she was a dance instructor and her husband was there as well. I consider myself very fortunate they both had a fine sense of humor and that I was not arrested or even worse. Today I will just enjoy the dancing.

I like to get a rise out of people, make them laugh and so much the better when we are involved in something that turns out to be unusual and great! I certainly would never answer the ad that I placed but I can visualize some one else answering it. I can read people very well. If she is not right for the adventure I will not select her. She must pass my interview. Buyer's market :wink:
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 May, 2005 12:47 pm
No I'm sorry Jack, it's just not a buyers market for you.
You are 68 years old, and if I may be honest: You're a
selfcentered, egotistical person who has very little to offer, except your Mercedes and a few extra dollar. Why else
would you mention it so candidly over and over again?

Guess what, any woman who'll accept your proposal
has one thing in mind: to take you for a ride, and you
actually deserve it.

I tell you something: My mother is 72 years old, looks stunning and her spouse for the last 20 years is 15 years younger than her. She would not never consider someone as insensitiv and inconsiderate, no matter what his age.

The way you speak about older women is a disrespect
to all women.

Sorry to be so blunt, but someone has to tell you.
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husker
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 May, 2005 12:50 pm
I'm noticing that D.L. loves the word "Egads" cracks me up! LOL
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Jack Webbs
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 May, 2005 12:58 pm
I'm in that female demographic and my man is seven years YOUNGER than me. I've seen 68 year old men. Me? with one of them? Egads! I don't think so. (Posted by Debra Law)

Well you are absolutely correct. People are supposed to enjoy people of their own age groups from start to finish. Personal opinions notwithstanding, normal people marry young, have children, grow old together. That is the way it is supposed to be and it usually is, if you pay attention to what is going on in life.

I know for a fact that if I had remained married I still would find my wife attractive in every way including sexually. I know this. But the idea of ME playing a field of NEW field women in their sixties is laughable. The first things that come to mind are the horrible things that nature does to people by that time in life: fatness, bunions, leathery skin, missing teeth, disappearing hair, bristly hair, false teeth and general lack of care where personal appearance is concerned. Many still smoke. Ditto for guys although I don't pay much attention to guys.

And what of the health aspects? How long will a sixty five year old woman last? Awful questions to raise but?

Unless you are extremely fortunate, you just scratch around, doing crazy things after a divorce and hope for a miracle. That's all. Many people never get it right the first time. Odds are extremely high people will get it right the second time. Unless all they want from each other is to sit on the sofa and watch TV.

Oh well I'm not poor. Very Happy
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 May, 2005 01:05 pm
Yes you are Jack, you're very poor.
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Jack Webbs
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 May, 2005 01:22 pm
Ist der Ruf erst ruiniert, lebt es sich ganz ungeniert. This is me Calamity Jane! How did you know? :wink:
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aidan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 May, 2005 03:41 am
Okay - I went to a search engine and got your signature translated, CJ, and this is what it gave me-"If the call is only ruined, it lives itself completely uninhibited". Don't fully understand - can you explain, in your words, what you mean to say?

Sorry if this is intrusive - it's my teacherly nature - ever curious - ever searching to understand. Thanks. :wink:
0 Replies
 
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 May, 2005 04:07 am
Jack - I have sympathy for your plight - I really do. It sounds like your wife left you while you were still in love with her - that would be difficult for anyone to deal with. But I'm going to give you my impressions on why you may be continuing to strike out-(and I hope you appreciate this because it's a beautiful day and I should be walking my dog). :wink:

1) From reading other comments you posted on other topics, you seem to judge other people very harshly and present as extremely self-righteous. This factor more than any other would be a turn off for me. I don't care how old a man is, and he may look like Adonis - but if he's an intolerant ***hole - I would have absolutely no interest.
2) In these postings you very graphically describe every unattractive short-coming you've noticed in older women - again indicating intolerance and an unfortunate tendency to judge harshly as well as focusing on the negative - not a very fun type of guy to spend time around, I would guess.
3) You seem to focus on your wants and needs, to the exclusion of the other person involved, and in fact speak of this companion you are searching for as some kind of commodity to be available for the fulfillment of those wants and needs. Maybe it is "tongue-in-cheek", but again, it's a turn-off.
4) You see-saw between self-pity and arrogance-which some might interpret as instability. Another turn-off, and to the perceptive woman - a huge red flag.
5) Finally, just so you won't despair - chronological age (something you can't change) is not the real issue here. Attitude (something you can change) is everything.

I point these things out to you, because I do believe that people can change if they really want to. You may want to do some self-examination, thinking, and adjusting, and you may find yourself more successful in finding and keeping a life-partner. If this is presumptious of me - forgive me - just sharing my observations and sincerely trying to help elucidate which is, I believe, what you asked for in your initial post.
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