Sun 7 Apr, 2019 11:33 pm
Buckle up, this is a long poet but I need help. Badly.
I’m a teenage girl in high school (freshman year). In fifth grade, a guy joined our school and later in the heat it became clear that he liked me. Being so young and inexperienced, I didn’t think I reciprocated, acting as if I didn’t like him. Eventually, in sixth grade, I started to realise I liked him. We talked a lot on field trips and I would ask my friends what he said about me then claim that “it’s so weird” that someone liked me. I know now that I secretly loved it. In seventh grade, I was hit with a wave of realisation. He liked me and I liked him. It was the best feeling ever. One time, since I didn’t have a phone, we found each other on a google doc funnily enough and started chatting. We talked for a long time about so many things and he opened up to me about some sensitive things I don’t think he’d tell anyone else. I did the same. One time we stayed up late, all the way until 6 am talking on that doc. I was disappointed that I didn’t have any classes with him but would look forward to lunches. We both looked at each other a lot but I’m sure we were both too shy to talk to each other. In eighth grade is when things began to suck. I was embarrassed and didn’t know what a crush really was. It was clear that my feelings began to turn to love and not infatuation. I even told my friends that I had no crushes and if anyone asked, tell them no. God I was so foolish. If I had only told them , things would be different. A girl who was somewhat friends with this guy approached me in class and asked if I liked anyone. Embarrassed and feeling called out, I said no. I didn’t want my secrets exposed to that ‘popular’ group. She pried and then questioned my sexuality to which I denied that I was gay. That was one thing I knew for certain... Anyhow, after this, nervous and heartbroken, this news got to him and he asked my friend if I liked anyone to which, as instructed, she said no. I think that was the breaking point and to this day I regret not telling her I liked someone. A few weeks later, I was on a field trip and on the bus I heard murmurs that he and another girl were together. They wouldn’t stop talking about it. That was the worst I’d ever felt. I had to hold my emotions in since everyone was there and no one knew what was wrong. Plus, we had to play in the orchestra and I was sure as hell not going to start crying during the performance. I finally told that friend who told the guy no that I liked him and that now that it’s not going to happen I realise just how much I did. They went out for a while, only like 3 months. During this time I was in misery. I had no closure. I was confused and frustrated. I also had to watch them (my other former friend and his girlfriend) put him through tests and toy with him to ‘test his love’. He got her gifts and she got him nothing. He was so loyal and kind and after my friend told him I liked him, he responded very regretfully and almost in shock that i liked him, that he wished i’d told him so things could be different. But still, he stayed with her because he was led to believe that she loved him, which she did not. She talked about him badly and made fun of him to others. I wanted to tell him but I felt it wrong to interfere. I thought i’d be called selfish or jealous. So i left it be. I was sad for him but relieved when they broke up. I thought I’d talk to him over the break. My friend gave him my number to ‘prank’ and after that we started chatting. It eventually died down a bit. Now, this year, I found that he tried to date someone over the summer but it lasted just a week. I forced myself to forget about him and i did for a while, but my feelings toward him stayed the same: without resent and just sombre desire. He’s single and to my knowledge and friends’ knowledge, he has no crush but is trying to keep his options open. I deeply love this guy and I truly feel at some point he felt the same. He visits two of my classes to see his friends. Sometimes we’ll make quick eye contact and it always makes my heart leap. My friend says she notices that the way he looks at me is different and that she truly believes we’re right for each other. so do i. He’s the best to talk to and I love him. I’m wondering what I should do. Can anyone help? Feel free to ask clarifying questions of any kind.
Quit beating around the bush and ask him out for a soda or a coffee already.
Stop waiting for him to make the first move. He's clearly too paralyzed to do so.
So you need to be the one to make the move.
Asserting yourself and directly asking for what you want are valuable life skills. Because when you sit and stew and don't ask (which has been the case with both of you, I might add), the answer is always no.
PS paragraph breaks are your friend.
I suppose you’re right. Thanks for the advice!
I totally agree! Like Eminem once said: "Every moment is another chance" So stop waiting and make the first step
@Sarahlikescats...Sorry to say but it’s not...