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Mon 18 Apr, 2005 10:44 am
Maybe if I get this off my chest I'll feel better.
My friend got laid off from work about 2 and a half years ago. Graphics is his field, just like mine. That's how we met. Anyway, since he got laid off, he's moved back to Florida, where he's been living with his parents ever since. In the past two + years, he has spent money to get his real estate licence, then after actually working a little bit in that field, he decided that he didn't want to do that. He's also spent money to go to broadcast school, which he finished up a couple months ago.
He's thirty-seven years old. He's had some job offers in the past three years, but nothing that he liked enough to accept.
He's also come back to NYC two or three times to look for work. When he comes here, he stays with his cousins, who live in my neighborhood, and during the day, he comes to my apartment and checks e-mail, uses my computer, has lunch, etc.
Now, even though he is very considerate, the other night I almost got in a fight with him because I was picking on every little thing that was out of place in my apartment. I was being a real prick, according to my other friend who was there.
And I agree. But it's only because after two and a half years, I think he should have more of a sense of urgency about getting a job...any job. And he keeps coming back to NYC and then all of a sudden he's got the keys to my apartment and he's there, as comfortable as can be, watching TV, having lunch in my livingroom, not accepting job offers...
It isn't fair that his parents are well off enough so that they can let him skate by like this, and that he can afford to just be out of work for two and a half years without any sense of urgency building up, while I'm working at a job I can't f*cking stand everyday so that I can afford this little studio apartment, where he is probably sitting right now, watching some movie on HBO on my TV that I paid for. It pisses me off, and I'm f*cking jealous.
There's more pent-up anger and jealousy about other things too, but I'll leave it at that for now.
So I'm a complete selfish prick, right?
right. embrace it. feel the warmth of it. learn to love it. Real life advice from your cyber life buddy Chest.
sounds like the situation is ripe for a man-date. seriously, you need to talk to him about this stuff and that it irks you. nothing wrong with that, it probably didn't occur to him and thinks you're just acting weird.
i don't understand the jealousy part though. why are you jealous of him? doesn't sound like he has anything great going for him. what are the issues there?
dag, I believe that Kicky also wants to be a lazy pile of crap with no goals or obligations whatsoever. But I may have missed the point.
ooh a man date. Don't forget to clip your nose hairs.
And wear your pink shirt...it really brings out the color of your eyes. :wink:
dagmaraka wrote:sounds like the situation is ripe for a man-date. seriously, you need to talk to him about this stuff and that it irks you. nothing wrong with that, it probably didn't occur to him and thinks you're just acting weird.
i don't understand the jealousy part though. why are you jealous of him? doesn't sound like he has anything great going for him. what are the issues there?
Smog was pretty much right. I am jealous because I have to work my balls off in a job I hate while he can be without work for two and a half years and still, at the end of it all, he will always end up better off financially than I am, because he comes from a fairly well-to-do family, and I don't.
kickycan wrote:dagmaraka wrote:sounds like the situation is ripe for a man-date. seriously, you need to talk to him about this stuff and that it irks you. nothing wrong with that, it probably didn't occur to him and thinks you're just acting weird.
i don't understand the jealousy part though. why are you jealous of him? doesn't sound like he has anything great going for him. what are the issues there?
Smog was pretty much right. I am jealous because I have to work my balls off in a job I hate while he can be without work for two and a half years and still, at the end of it all, he will always end up better off financially than I am, because he comes from a fairly well-to-do family, and I don't.
Move to Massachusetts and marry him with no pre nup. Then either divorce him or off him and get his cash.
You won't be pissed off anymore. A happy ending.
Ahh yea, nothing like the ol' gay-marriage/murder combo to get out that extra anger.
I'm always available to counsel my friends.
My suggestion is to get a change machine and one of those TVs that you see at the airport that require a quarter for 10 minutes of watching. Install them and invite him to spend as much time as he wants at your place.
Then look forward to a nice retirement courtesy of his parent's money.
That bites, Kicky. I'd be grumpy, too, but I don't think I'd call it jealousy in my case. I wouldn't want his life.
So, listen, you will make a job change at some point. Perhaps still within graphics field, and maybe not; different city, whatever. You could just will him your present inspiring job. Stop complaining about it in his presence. Talk it up, and talk him up to your employer. Sublet your apartment to him, hmmm, at a higher price or with key money. (Is that legal there?) That'd fix him for sure.... Oh, and drop in on him when you visit New York in your travels. Have lunch...
I feel for you kicky.
Seeing that he is home all day, ask him if he'd mind cooking you a home cooked meal when you got home from work. Mention that the kitchen floor is in need of washing and that the bathroom could use a good scrubbing, and that he will find the rubber gloves and cleaning supplies under the sink.
Remind him that your clothes hamper is full and that you work so much, you just don't have time to wash clothes.
Thanks guys. Actually, he's a perfect houseguest, to tell the truth. It's just that I can't leave all my crap lying around like I used to, and can't just be a slob like I sometimes do. For example: I left a note sitting out that had my salary on it, and one day while we were talking on the phone, he made some comment about how much I make, and told me I shouldn't leave stuff like that out. That pissed me off.
But hey, I feel better now, actually. I got it out, and now I feel better. Thanks for your ideas though.
Will he be there next week?
Will he let Noddy and me into your apartment to use the bathroom while you're at work?
ehBeth wrote:Will he be there next week?
Will he let Noddy and me into your apartment to use the bathroom while you're at work?
if he won't you can always use my yard.
Why shouldn't you leave a note out that lists how much you make, in YOUR aparment? Who f'n cares? Besides, my close friends and I all pretty much know how much we make, it's no big deal(I'll just never tell chicks). My paychecks are all stacked up right on my desk. If someone wants to snoop and see them, by all means.
And Kicky, you have absolutely no reason to be pissed or jealous. He's a lazy bastard, and you're not. Think of what it would be like, being 37 and telling a prospective woman you haven't worked in 3 years. I don't care what some women say about not caring about guys making $$, she won't take you seriously. Most people in general won't.
You're going overboard. Some people come from money, and some don't. I'm in your boat, and I know people who were handed the keys to a fortune. Would be nice, but things could be a lot worse for you. You're living in NYC on your own, you're not doing that bad.
I agree about the salary - you live alone, you can leave whatever the hell you want laying around.
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