After the affair....10 years

Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2019 07:33 pm
Why, after 10 years, do I still get angry? He told me "Get over it" one year after, when I said I was finally ready to hear all the details. He wouldn't tell me. So I did what he said, I found a way to "get over it", by means of alcohol, building a wall, and learning to NOT CARE anymore...I have turned into a person I never wanted to be, and become a member of a club NO ONE wants to be a part of...
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Type: Question • Score: 9 • Views: 3,429 • Replies: 11

Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2019 10:46 pm
You get angry because you were stone walled by your husband. Cheaters always cheat. Do you really believe he stopped after one affair? Why are you remaining faithful to the a cheater? Your hate will never stop just by ignoring it. You will suffer again in the future by hiding your feelings. Move on to a faithful relationship is only way to purge your hatred.
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Reply Thu 3 Jan, 2019 05:04 am
Get therapy. Get some tools to deal with this.

I'm also wondering why you're still there.

What's stopping you from leaving?
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Reply Sat 5 Jan, 2019 06:58 am
Don’t think about the past, but only about the present and the future. Think of your husband as if you’ve just met, and erase everything that happened. One should think that events happening now are happening through one’s active participation and that they are actions that he can and must change. However, as soon as part of an action or the entire action has happened, one should immediately accept it as something that happened according to a pretetermined plan. Accept it as something that nature gave to you and that passed over you in order to teach you about the following action that you are makeing – which depends entirely on you. Your attitude to the future should be ordinary, materialistic.
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Reply Thu 24 Jan, 2019 10:11 pm
I feel you pain. Cheater are going to cheat. I lived it for 24 years of marriage.
Lie after lie. I deserves better and so do you.
File for divorce and put the past in the past.

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Reply Thu 31 Jan, 2019 02:44 pm
There are details to your situation that keep you in this relationship. Can you share them? What we read here seems to be what's on the surface. Why are you staying with this guy? Is it about the kids? Money? Lifestyle? Fear? Power? I'm not in the camp that says you must leave this guy, but it would help to understand your reasoning. Your solution so far is self-destructive and that's not good, especially since you didn't cause the problem. But, you are allowing it to persist - so I'm asking you why that is.

Some folks try to "self-medicate" in hopes that someone else will notice and look to rescue them, or that the idiot will see you hurting and feel some kind of remorse and change his ways. This is wishful thinking and it conveys a reliance on someone else to fix your life since you're not prepared to fix it your self. What he did was wrong, but your being "wrong" to yourself isn't going to fix the situation.
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Reply Tue 16 Jul, 2019 09:14 pm
Do you still love him?
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Reply Wed 17 Jul, 2019 05:16 am
I am of the experience that MOST men cheat. (Not ALL). But the "just get over it" attitude of his proves that this is a life style with him. Why are you still with him? Men that I was involved with who cheated were gone. When they find "better"... so be it.
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Reply Fri 4 Oct, 2019 10:28 am
"just get over it" is a line serial cheaters use. Just get rid of him.
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Reply Fri 4 Oct, 2019 01:57 pm
How long does the knot in your stomach from being cheated on last? Been almost a year since I found out she cheated. I feel like I am the only one changing to make it work. I don't know if I can live 10 years like this.
Reply Fri 4 Oct, 2019 07:27 pm
Couples DO get over and thru cheating. They stay together because BOTH of them have evaluated the reasons why this happened, and why they should stay together. If just one partner does this, it doesn’t work.

Professional counseling might help.
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Reply Thu 5 Dec, 2019 02:09 pm
Time doesn't heal all wounds; it just covers it up better. Time DOES give you the opportunity to deal with hurts, whereas when it was fresh, it's just too impossible to deal with.

Honestly, you two should see a relationship therapist. it'll help him listen to you and it'll help you talk to him and listen too.

You didn't deserve to be cheated on, but many times it's better to find out why it happened. For you. For him.

just glancing over an event when after 10 yrs, you're still not over it, means one person will always be unhappy.

Leave this relationship, if you aren't happy.
Stay in this relationship, if you two can find a way to see a therapist and work out your hurts given/taken.

Good luck and I wish you the best!
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