Wed 2 Jan, 2019 07:33 pm
Why, after 10 years, do I still get angry? He told me "Get over it" one year after, when I said I was finally ready to hear all the details. He wouldn't tell me. So I did what he said, I found a way to "get over it", by means of alcohol, building a wall, and learning to NOT CARE anymore...I have turned into a person I never wanted to be, and become a member of a club NO ONE wants to be a part of...
You get angry because you were stone walled by your husband. Cheaters always cheat. Do you really believe he stopped after one affair? Why are you remaining faithful to the a cheater? Your hate will never stop just by ignoring it. You will suffer again in the future by hiding your feelings. Move on to a faithful relationship is only way to purge your hatred.
Get therapy. Get some tools to deal with this.
I'm also wondering why you're still there.
What's stopping you from leaving?
Don’t think about the past, but only about the present and the future. Think of your husband as if you’ve just met, and erase everything that happened. One should think that events happening now are happening through one’s active participation and that they are actions that he can and must change. However, as soon as part of an action or the entire action has happened, one should immediately accept it as something that happened according to a pretetermined plan. Accept it as something that nature gave to you and that passed over you in order to teach you about the following action that you are makeing – which depends entirely on you. Your attitude to the future should be ordinary, materialistic.
I feel you pain. Cheater are going to cheat. I lived it for 24 years of marriage.
Lie after lie. I deserves better and so do you.
File for divorce and put the past in the past.
There are details to your situation that keep you in this relationship. Can you share them? What we read here seems to be what's on the surface. Why are you staying with this guy? Is it about the kids? Money? Lifestyle? Fear? Power? I'm not in the camp that says you must leave this guy, but it would help to understand your reasoning. Your solution so far is self-destructive and that's not good, especially since you didn't cause the problem. But, you are allowing it to persist - so I'm asking you why that is.
Some folks try to "self-medicate" in hopes that someone else will notice and look to rescue them, or that the idiot will see you hurting and feel some kind of remorse and change his ways. This is wishful thinking and it conveys a reliance on someone else to fix your life since you're not prepared to fix it your self. What he did was wrong, but your being "wrong" to yourself isn't going to fix the situation.