Tue 2 Oct, 2018 09:38 am
Hey everyone. I'm thinking about getting back into the dating scene after a long relationship and breakup about four months ago. I would just like to hear anybody's opinion on their experience with online dating including which sites they used, their experiences, if they met anybody and general tips for getting started. The only websites I've really heard about our match.com, eHarmony and some dating apps like Tinder. Any help would be great and I helped start a productive conversation.
The experience is very much different for women then it is for men. I am a heterosexual man, but I have spoken quite a bit to women about their experiences as well... and have had two fairly long term relationships (including my current relationship) came from online dating. I have used both Match and OkCupid.
Are you a man or a woman?
I'd suggest not sending $$$ to online daters who say they need you to wire them some monies so they can come over to be near you or live with you.
My philosophy to online dating (which has worked well for me) is to meet in person as soon as possible. Online dating is a way to find people, you can't get to know them through texts.
After a couple of texts (just to make sure the other person isn't crazy) I set up a quick date. It takes 30 minutes to have a cup of coffee with someone. You meet in a public, safe place. You don't give out any personal information. And, if you don't click you say goodbye and that is it. You keep hopes high and expectations low.
If after a quick first date I like the person (and the feeling is mutual) I generally set up a second date. It is very rare for a woman to initiate this, but very often they are quite glad when I initiate. Women who aren't interested generally make that clear politely and I move on. Occasionally a woman will make it clear she is interested after the coffee date; as in "hey, I would love to do that again". It is very rare that she will actually ask directly for a second date.
The second date is a full date, dinner, dancing, music... something that will give us a chance to see if a relationship is possible.
In my experience things work best when you leave the "online" part of online dating as soon as possible. I want a real world relationship, not an online one.
That being said, people are idiots online. I have heard that some men are quite obnoxious... you have to ignore this. I have had women become weirdly upset when I didn't answer their messages right away or show them the attention they felt they deserve, and I had a strange argument with a woman who was upset that I didn't want to talk on the phone. I think it is worse for women, men feel they have to be aggressive.
Women need to initiate more. In general women wait for men who interest them to message them. It is a little bit silly, since the men react by sending out messages to hundreds of women. This is not an efficient use of the medium. If a woman finds a few men whose profiles she finds attractive and writes them somewhat thoughtful messages... she will almost certainly get a date.
My short advice.
1. Set up real dates quickly (make them brief and safe in a public place)
2. Ignore the bullshit.
Real long term relationships can happen.
If you want to try it, be sure to take precautions. maxdancona has outlined a number of them. Additionally use a separate e-mail, Twitter account for this stuff so you won't end up being followed forever if things don't go well.
Is online dating something like 'getting to meet' new people to set up a 'date'? Similar to how non online dating persons meet but only online to set up 'date events and times'?
Kind of like a telephone book of those interested in meeting for possible dating?
Worked out fine for us, met in 2006 on match.com, married 2009, celebrating 10 years next Sept. No special tips, just be honest and take things steady to find out about each other.