I have been taken for a fool by Gus!

Lord Ellpus reminds me soooo much of a dear friend Not that I would equate the two, of course. But Denis would cast a sardonic eye Lord Ellpus'ward.

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sorry, I seem to be double posting. Lord Ellpus woudm't like that. Surely I must brew some green tea with ginger...

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Kicky, I don't think that a 'Box Brownie' HAS a USB port. You may have been fooled in more ways than one....

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ossobuco wrote:

Lord Ellpus reminds me soooo much of a dear friend Not that I would equate the two, of course. But Denis would cast a sardonic eye Lord Ellpus'ward.

That wouldnt be Denis (make mine a Double) Grumper-Smythe by any chance, dear Lady?
Grumper and I were at Eton together back in the Fifties. If it is the one and only, could you ask him if it has healed up yet?
As for tea, there's nothing like a good Darjeeling (with a snifter in it of course), although the Green tea and Ginger is imbibed when one is suffering from wind. I frequently took this while in India, as their food is somewhat spicy, which brings me neatly back to the photographs.
I must jolly everyone along a bit on this one, as Egbert (Lucy) has taken to "borrowing" the "Kicky" photos, and disappearing with them.
Graciously yours
Lord Ellpus.

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Dear Lord Ellpus

I was wondering if you could. I have been awaiting a small package from Colombia for some while, and it might have accidentally followed the white line (so to speak, snort snort) to your establishment. If its not too much trouble, would you mind popping down to the Porters lodge and making enquiries. Thank you so much

I am Sir, and will forever remain if you find it, your most humble and obedient servant...

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Steve (as 41oo) wrote:

Dear Lord Ellpus

I was wondering if you could. I have been awaiting a small package from Colombia for some while, and it might have accidentally followed the white line (so to speak, snort snort) to your establishment. If its not too much trouble, would you mind popping down to the Porters lodge and making enquiries. Thank you so much

I am Sir, and will forever remain if you find it, your most humble and obedient servant...

Dear fellow, I have been sitting here, scratching my head, wondering whether I know you. I know we have 24 hour Porterage, covered by Hodgkins and Davis, among some other casual bods that arrive now and then.
I suppose that SOME of you have first names, but I cant think of any at this moment in time. I would imagine that you ARE either Hodgkins, or indeed Davis, for you sign off with adequate grovelling. Jolly well done.
Standards to be maintained and all that, wot, wot?

Now, if you say you have the "nasal medication", required by some of our Members, I will send for a Porter so that he may go orf and fetch said package. If this Porter is indeed yourself, please expect a round trip.

For your welcome discretion in the handling of this matter, please remember to make yourself known to me at Michelmas, so that I can make the necessary offer of a modest gratuity.
Would you also enquire as to the progress on my Dinner Jacket old boy? I'm afraid the Foie Gras may have caused a stain, but if you could lean on the Butler to ensure that the cleaning Staff give it special attention, I would be obliged.
Ellpus (Senior Member)
P.S. Upon re-reading your original request, it appears that I may have shot the Palm Tree instead of the Elephant. If this is the case, please transmit another elecronic message, after I have had a chance to kick start the old grey cells with a '67 Cognac or two.
Pip Pip. Ellpus.

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Dear Lord

In haste. To let you know snr butler has passed DJ onto cook as there was enough froie gras left on the trousers to make a nutritious soup for the poor.

I am not actually one of the porterage staff but have been known to vist yr establishment in another capacity.

I am sir, and will remain, if you can find the medication in your debt

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The tutu pictures!?!?!? Well then....I surely got my money's worth! I've heard those pictures can go for $10 each!

Lord Ellpus, please rush that package to me. I am in dire need of my photographs! >>smacking lips and greasing up<<

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Lord Ellpus - You look very familiar. I think my grandmother had your picture hidden in her nightstand draw up until she died a few years back. She lived in England in the late 1920's. She worked as nanny for a wealthy family. She was a tall blonde with a curly bob cut, big blue eyes. She also had little piece of her left ear lobe missing were it was bitten off by a rooster when she was a child living in her native Ukraine. She went by the name of Greta while there, although she changed it to Grace when she married my grandfather and moved to the US. Did you know her?

I have to leave on a little business trip today, but I hope to check in for your reply.

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Dear dear Lady, I will take you at your word and believe you when you say that these Photos are indeed yours. I will despatch them with haste into Her Majesty's Postal Service, in order to enable one to smack one's lips and grease one's self up for the shortest time possible, so that your inconvenience in this matter will come to a rapid end, after a long climax of anticipation.
However, I must warn you that there are a few photos among the collection that are now in a rather less than mint condition. The hand of blame fits snugly around Egbert (Lucy) but at this moment in time, he is not admitting to anything.
On a lighter note though, "Floppy" Harris has taken heart at the insignificance diplayed within the said Photos, and yesterday plucked up the courage to see the Club Doctor for some Viagra.
Alas, there is a down side to everything that Floppy is involved with, and due to the poor handwriting from said Doctor, he is now halfway through a course of Niagra, and has consequently peed for twenty four hours with no sign of the problem abating.
You should have the desired Photos, alas slightly soiled, by Candlemas Tuesday, in the forenoon.
Yours magnificently Lord Ellpus.

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Soiled? I want my money back. GUS!!!

You PROMISED that those pictures would be in mint condition. I don't want sloppy seconds. I want my $10 back. Evil or Very Mad

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Green Witch wrote:

Lord Ellpus - You look very familiar. I think my grandmother had your picture hidden in her nightstand draw up until she died a few years back. She lived in England in the late 1920's. She worked as nanny for a wealthy family. She was a tall blonde with a curly bob cut, big blue eyes. She also had little piece of her left ear lobe missing were it was bitten off by a rooster when she was a child living in her native Ukraine. She went by the name of Greta while there, although she changed it to Grace when she married my grandfather and moved to the US. Did you know her?

I have to leave on a little business trip today, but I hope to check in for your reply.

Dear Madam, isnt this a small world ! Greta the nanny... OF COURSE! Oh how that takes me back.....The cold baths, the rubbing down with a hot towel, the covering with moisturiser, the Talcum Powder on the bottom. In actual fact, you could do almost anything to her and she would never complain.
I was only a child at the time, but I have a vague recollection that she left in rather a hurry, about three months after being trapped in a broom cupboard with my Father, the late Lord Ellpus the third.
Maybe she was claustrophobic, whatever it was that made her leave, it was a bally shame, as I had to wash my own equipment from that day forth.
Cant get Staff like that nowadays, for love nor money. I'm glad that she married and settled in one of the Colonies. Good luck with your business trip, and thank you for the memories.
Lord Ellpus (you may have heard me referred to as "Spanky")

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Bella Dea wrote:

Soiled? I want my money back. GUS!!!

You PROMISED that those pictures would be in mint condition. I don't want sloppy seconds. I want my $10 back.

I'm afraid, my dear, that Gus will have to sue Egbert (Lucy) for the money in Her Majesty' Fiscal Courts (Marylebone, London).
He has now admitted to taking part in the soiling (with others I'm ashamed to say) but will not make any recompense, although he has been forced to get his Valet to clean the cubicle concerned.

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Lord Ellpus (you may have heard me referred to as "Spanky")[/quote wrote:

Yes "Spanky" that was written on the back of the photo. Gee, you looked much beyond childhood in the photo, maybe she got an update from someone. Lovely to have that cleared up. Thank you so much.

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Good Lord

Small world isn't it? Fancy you knowing old wasser name! You didn't perchance know my great great uncle the 3rd earl of Worcestershire? He was christened Roger Gusset-Taught. Made his money trafficking condiments and harmless recreational substances to the colonies. Everyone knew him Earl Sauce.

Reason I mention it is said W sauce (besides being carcinogenic and hence only now suitable for export to N America) is something of a magic solution for cleaning up photos, magazine pages and the like that have become stuck together through over zealous use.

Actually I'm surprised no one knew that at your club. Must be off now your lordship, and may I say sir what a great honour and privilige it is to be in electrical communion with your goodself
I am sir etc etc etc

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Dearest Green Witch
Well my Dear, it must be the same Greta then, how extraordinary !!
Now that I have made contact with one of her relatives, you may be in a position to clear up the family mystery for me.
When I saw her leave, I first thought that she had stolen something, as it looked as if she had a cushion pushed up the front of her jumper.
When I asked Mama what it could have been, she would only say that Papa had given her a "special present".
Upon going through the Old Boy's documents, after he had that dreadful accident with the hunting horn, I found a Cheque stub dated on that day, marked "Payment for little problem", for One Thousand Guineas.
Have you any idea what sort of "special present" it could have been? And is the 1000 Guineas cheque connected in any way?
I'm completely baffled, although I must admit, I am pretty baffled most of the time.
Yours Graciously
Spanky

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Worcester Sauce eh? I'll have to get sweaty Betty, my assistant Cook to look in the parlour and see if we have some.
As regards the Third Earl of Worcestershire, I dont actually know him, but I know OF him.
Fine Polo player in his time, wot wot? Shame about that washroom incident though, fancy being caught with your trousers down like that. I always wondered how he explained the presence of the goat.
Thank you for the tip Stephen.
Lord Ellpus.

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Dear Lord Ellpus

Thank you so much for calling me Stephen. With the correct spellin an all.

Yes the Third Earl, my great great Uncle was master with his polo (sometimes solo) stick. I'm somewhat embarrassed you know about The Washroom Incident. It has gone down in family history but as a taboo subject. What happened?

I am sir your most obedient and loyal servant

Stephen. (Mr)

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Bella Dea wrote:

kickycan wrote:
How about this. I'll send you the pictures if you let my good thing come in your small package.

Forever more, you'll be the girl with the small package Laughing

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panzade wrote:

Bella Dea wrote:
kickycan wrote:
How about this. I'll send you the pictures if you let my good thing come in your small package.

Forever more, you'll be the girl with the small package

I thought guys liked it nice and....um, ok....I don't guess this forum is x rated, is it?
Shocked

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I have been taken for a fool by Gus!

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