Fetishes; to what extent are they healthy?

I completely agree!
Everyone needs an outlet for thier sexual desires.
The defination of right and wrong of sexual desires is wether or not it is causing any sort of harm on the reciever. If there is noone to receive this sexual behvior and it is just fantasy, art, movies, etc.. then no. It isnt harmful,it isnt wrong, it is private. Noone can tell another person that what they choose to view is wrong or makes them unhealthy. What you view is your choice. What you choose to do with someone else is also your choice... until it hurts them.

I have an unpopular stance on necrophelia. But, I will say it anyways as these are the kinds of statements Ery wants.. :-)
When someone is dead, they no longer inhabit the body. They know nothing. They see nothing, They feel nothing. You can no longer hurt that person. They are just not there anymore.
MORALY.. hell yeah that is sick. But, they are really causing noone harm. The family of the person who is dead IF they even know about it. Other then that, noone is being hurt.
In my opinion that does not make it right or acceptable. That is just twisted behavior to me, but truthfully, they are hurting noone . Doesnt make it right, doesnt make it ok! It is an unhealthy desire to begin with. It is even more unhealthy to act on it. Ok, not unhealthy.. just down right gross. But if you want to make the laws around the ground rule of ' who gets hurt'.. in necrophelia, its noone. With out the person committing the act being caught, noone knows.

What you think is weird someone else doesn't. And I know that at least one thing you do in the privacy of your bedroom, someone thinks is "over the line" or weird. Now, I am not saying that pedo's are ok. Or that you should be desecrating a body. But I am saying that our opinions are shaped by our society and the way our culture views sex. Anal sex is still taboo, even though a very large number of the population engage in it. Leather, bondage, whips...those are all termed kinky. Fetishes are exciting a lot of the time because they are forbidden. It's like the person who likes to have sex in public places because they "might" get caught.

Now, on the same note, I personally would not term pedophellia or necrophellia as fetishes. I think there is a line to be drawn and that is at concent. A child cannot concent nor can a dead person. Therefore, it is a mental issue rather than a fetish. A fetish is something that someone does to make sex more exciting but has the option to get out of at any time. Fetishes are (for the most part) safe sexual practices that have limits. ( I know, some people are excited by the possibility of being hurt)

You are right Bella, fetishes and paraphilias are different.

A fetish, is something you must have or else you can't perform sexually, a kink is just something that might turn you on, that's a bit different from the norm, but that you don't really need in order to get turned on. Paraphilias are those that are deemed mental diseases ex. necrophilia, coprophilia, paedophilia, vomerophilia etc.

( i agree completely..) So let me pose this question-->
Is it still a mental issue if it never leaves the persons fantasy relm? Meaning, they never act on it, can even say they never even let the idea cross thier lips..
but they have the ' fetish , or desire' to do something sexualy that is illegal or harmful to another person?
Would you consider that person ( the one who never acts on it ) Healthy because they realize it is WRONG? And never act on it?
Or are they just as bad as the ones who do act on it?

I think that if you think it, there can't be anything wrong with it, at least outwardly. What you do and think and the right and wrong of it is between you and your God.

It's like fantasizing about someone else other than your spouse or s.o. If you don't act on it, it's pretty normal.

We have the ability to control our actions. If you think about killing someone, it isn't against the law. It might be "wrong" to you because of what you believe, but if you don't actually kill anyone, you can't be punished.

i will remember that next time i am on my period.

I agree completely with Bella.

I am sure that everyone, at least subconsciously has had the urge to kill someone. A sane person would not dwell on those thoughts for long, sometimes not even letting them come in contact with the conscious mind, but a mentally ill person can't reason on those urges simply because they'd see nothing to reason about.

I strongly believe that if society had a little more compassion for paedophiles and such, there wouldn't be as many cases of child abuse. I've been talking to these people for quite a while now, there are some sickos (very sick sickos) but most are just trying to live their live the best they can. Self-loathing can be a very dangerous tool in the hands of a madman. The self-loathing ones, who have nothing to lose, are the ones that rape and kill.

Of course, I am generalizing here. There are many factors that can contribute to a person developing these desires. In a perfect world, the situations that create rapists, child-molesters and the like wouldn't exist; and a person would have enough trust in their family and friends to talk about their problems from an early age. But we don't live in a perfect world, and most of these people grow up hating themselves, and in turn, the world that rejects them. That, in my opinion, is why many of these people don't really notice that their actions are wrong; they simply don't value humanity.

You're serious, right? About giving paedophiles more compassion. I am guessing you mean the ones who have actually acted on their thoughts and committed a wrongful act against an innocent child......

You speak a lot of talking to the paedophiles here, but have you, yourself ever been the victim of one? Have you yourself ever as a child been subjected to a sexual assault by an adult paedophile? Have you ever known of any or talked to any children of sexual abuse? I think if you are going to walk a mile in some paedophile's shoes than you sure as hell better be willing to walk a mile in his or her victims shoes as well.

Compassion? For a paedophile? No way in hell. People who commit sexual crimes against innocent children are, in my book, the lowest form of scum on this earth. Oh, the poor misunderstood self loathing paedophile. F*ck that.

I gotta agree with Lady J on that one. I have no tolerance for child abusers. Born that way or not, and wrong though it might be for me to judge them, I cannot under any circumstance feel compassion for them. I do not believe there is any excuse.

The only time I could say that there should be compassion is if they DO NOT ACT on those feelings. If they do not act on them, and are seeking help, I can see trying to understand and help them. But once they act out, I'm finished with them.

I was sexually abused by someone.

*edited to take out some info*

Did you even bother to read my post? I am not asking you to forgive someone for raping a child, I am trying to make you understand that just because some one is a peadophile it doesn't mean they automatically abuse children. Not all peadohiles are child abusers.

Go back and re-read my post, do me the favor. After I was raped, I first blamed myself, even tried to commit suicide, but I still wanted to know why. So I got online and met some of these people, wonderful guys, and I consider them friends. I can't blame them for what that guy did to me.

Then let me ask you this....what kind of morbidity drives you to speak with and try to find compassion for so many of them?

I did re-read your post. Several times. I still can find NO compassion for those who commit sexual acts upon children. Period.

Thoughts are one thing...people can think all they want. It is when ACTION comes into play that I draw the line. If you actually read MY post, you will see that I never criticized anyone for their thoughts...only their actions.

Not morbidity. My real father is an schizophrenic, my mon divorced him when I was three because he threatened to kill me.
I can't blame others with that disease for what my father said.

It's the same for paedophiles, not every one of them is out there hunting children, some believe it or not, live relatively normal lives, go through therapy, and keep their attractions out of their lives as much as they can.

Why can't you find compassion in your heart for such people?

I wasn't talking about child abusers in my post, those deserve to be in jail for all the pain they cause.

I was referring to paedophiles.

I get what your saying Eremil. A pedophile will be one for life. The ones that do act on their desires will no be in jail for life. Rehabilitation and therapy would probably follow them their entire life. Maybe compassion is not the right world for this situation.

What should we do then? Put them down like rabid dogs?

a few thoughts from this retired child protection worker. (1) treatment/therapy for pedophiles has demonstrated almost zero positive results (2) jail/prison has demonstrated that the perp usually comes out with re-inforced pedophila intent (3) many cases where the label "sex-offender" has been placed by the courts are a true violation of civil rights (such as the 17 year old with sexual contact with a 16 year old being convicted of a statutory crime is in the same legal definition of a child rapist.

I don't know what we should do? Dyslexia might have a better suggestion since he also has some experience with the topic. Chemical castration is the only thing I can probably endorse.