Big day tomorrow. Family Court at 9.45am...

We troop into Court. We tell the Registrar. She stands over the matter till the 18th.

I am left hoping against hope that this has been the best decision at this moment. I can't know for sure - I have also given the other side a two-week breather. Perhaps waiting will turn out a better strategy than just bashing away at the issue? I'm still disappointed - I still have the problem of turning up and NOT taking the little one. That still tears at me - and no amount of 'negotiation' or 'court-time' can cure that.

How are we all going to grow as a family; together? or apart? And why do we even have to make these choices?

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Mr. Stillwater:

You made a good decision for several reasons. It shows that you're the cooperative sort of man who places the best interests of his children ahead of any inconvenience to himself.

It shows that you are willing to mediate the visitation dispute.

You made a good impression on the children's representative. No matter what your wife and her lawyer might have said to the Rep . . . you showed her that you are willing to cooperate for the sake of the children.

Many other positives flow from your decision . . . you made the best possible choice . . . don't kick yourself in the pants.

Best wishes!

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Hang in the Stilly. It sounds like you did the right thing.

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Thanks guys - this is a rather solitary road to walk. I miss the girls so much, and we still have a lot of years together - in one way or another.

(drops voice) And 'Tana, there's a 'Hugs'n'Smooches' zone just for you (don't tell the Wabbit!!)...............

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I can only imagine how very painful this is for you.

((((Hugs and smooches))))

Mums the word ;-)

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Mr Stillwater wrote:

I still want to puke. Bitchface rushes out to tell my ex and her spawn-of-Satan-handicap-under-par father (he always turns up, what is the point of funding the humiliation of your son-in-law in court if you can't attend?). I am left with the collaborator, she knows that of everyone in the place I just made the hardest decision, because I am always going to be the one with the most to lose here.

Vent here if you need to . . . but when you hit the mediation room . . . you need to be as sweet as pie. No name-calling; no blaming; no bad-mouthing wife/ her father/ her lawyer. Present yourself as a caring father who LOVES ALL of his children> You want to nurture a meaningful relationship with your children . . . all of them have a right to a meaningful relationship with you.

SWEET AS PIE. Cooperative. POSITIVE attitude. Show that YOU are the bigger person -- that you would never do or say anything to alienate the children from their mother, etc. List the activities that you and your children enjoy together, etc. . . .

Mediation is your opportunity to SHINE. Don't let your wife get your dander up . . . take everything in stride. Don't argue with her or fling criticisms.

Make the Children's Rep LOVE you, admire you, and want to give the court a good report concerning your efforts to make mediation work . . . Smile

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On my first day in the Court - that is exactly what I heard a lawyer telling his client. This is also some of the best free advice I ever got!! It has stuck with me and I pull that out and ever so gently smash myself between the eyes with it when frustration builds.... the reasonable one will get the best outcome. A mantra for the new millenium. Thanks for your support and advice.

Quote:

Make the Children's Rep LOVE you

I'll approach that with some trepidation though, what if she wants to make it physical??

Q. What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a rat?
A. No-one knows, there are things that rats just WONT do!

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A tough day for you, Stilly.
Still, despite your frustrations, it sounds like you did well. Very Happy

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Really, all you did had been round around well!

Hope, all looks fine the next days as well.

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Hard but good, Stilly.

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I can symapthize with the waiting thing. It is terribly hard when such big decisions are on the line. Hang tough, Mr. Stillwater.

I don't know how it works in Australia but when a child has a court advocate in America it is someone assigned to the child by the court - someone who can't be hired by either side - who tries to help determine what is best for that particular kid.

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Cliff-hangers are entertaining--unless you're sight-reading the script as The Hero. Then they are a particular character-building hell.

Hold your dominion.

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Stilly, maybe you've gone over this before, is there ANY way to hire a lawyer, yourself? It sounds like you're doing an absolutely wonderful job, mature, responsible, but at the same time a) I think there's a major bias against people who represent themselves and b) a lawyer might be able to make things happen -- pull things out like the thing Debra said about legal parentage if you were married that the ex-wife's lawyers have no reason to bring up, on their own.

Best of luck.

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Mr. Stillwater?

Debra_Law wrote:

Did your wife file any type of action to have your status as the youngest child's legal father terminated?

Did you look up the laws in New South Wales / Australia to see if she has the right to disestablish your parentage of the child?

I can't find the laws online . . . .

?????

What are the laws in New South Wales / Australia concerning legal parentage? I assume that the husband is presumed to be the father of all children born during the marriage.

Under your law, is that presumption conclusive or rebuttable?

If the presumption is rebuttable, what are the procedures established by law for rebutting that presumption? Is there a statute of limitations?

I'm just so very CURIOUS because the laws in some of the states here require that an action to rebut the presumption of paternity that the husband is the father of all children born during the marriage must be brought within two years of the child's birth. Some states have longer statutes of limitations, e.g., five years.

Your laws could very well dictate the outcome concerning your parental status with respect to your youngest child.

And even if your wife is allowed to challenge your status as the father, there are other legal theories to prevent her from excluding you from this child's life . . . .

PLEASEEEEEEE, tell us what the laws are . . . can the laws be found online?

If you're unaware of the laws concerning these MATERIAL issues, you could be shooting yourself in the foot. CONSULT a lawyer!

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Hang in there, Stilly. I was late to the thread, but I'm in your cheering section now.

I'm curious about Debra_Law's questions too. I recall reading a story here in the states where a man was required to pay support to his wife for a child that was conceived by another man. The judge said that a child conceived in the marriage was a child of that marriage and that biology didn't matter a whit. Here's hoping the laws are the same in Oz.

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You guys inspired me to do some digging. I found this:

http://www.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s69p.html

Quote:

FAMILY LAW ACT 1975 - SECT 69P
Presumptions of parentage arising from marriage

(1)
If a child is born to a woman while she is married, the child is presumed to be a child of the woman and her husband.

(2)
If:

(a)
at a particular time:

(i)
a marriage to which a woman is a party is ended by death; or
(ii)
a purported marriage to which a woman is a party is annulled; and

(b)
a child is born to the woman within 44 weeks after that time;

the child is presumed to be a child of the woman and the husband or purported husband.

(3)
If:

(a)
the parties to a marriage separated at any time; and
(b)
after the separation, they resumed cohabitation on one occasion; and
(c)
within 3 months after the resumption of cohabitation, they separated again and lived separately and apart; and
(d)
a child is born to the woman within 44 weeks after the end of the cohabitation, but after the dissolution of the marriage;

the child is presumed to be a child of the woman and the husband.

There's a lot more there. Law is fascinating.

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Great find, FreeDuck.

[Edit]

Mr. Stillwater, please seek legal counsel who specializes in the application of these laws in your country and make certain that you know what your rights are in accordance with the law.

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Mr Stillwater - I'm glad things appear to be moving in your favor.

Deb - You're terrific!

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[edit]

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Good analysis, Debra_Law! I can only hope that, not knowing much about Australia, those laws are the right ones for Stilly's area.

Good luck again, Stilly!

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Big day tomorrow. Family Court at 9.45am...

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