childfree living

I never wanted kids. I wanted a career, but I fell in love with a man, got pregnant and became a mom.
I loved the father of my son and in turn I loved my son as soon as I learned I was pregnant.
The only regret I have is that it turns out the father of my son was an abusive alcoholic who felt a need to torment me.

I put my career aside and raised my son the best way I knew how as a single parent. Being a single parent was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life!

My son is now 20, living with his future wife (who I adore :-) ) and I'm thankful that I'm still young enough to chase my dreams :-D

Here I come world

Go Girl

RH

That sounds familiar, and goes back to what I said earlier about parallels with having a second child...

It's different in degree of course but I get a lot of this exact same stuff about having a second, and vacillate pretty often. More in the first few years, but I still have second thoughts. Until I hit menopause, anyway, it's not really an issue that is definitely resolved -- I could definitely decide I didn't want a second child when sozlet was 3, but then decide I do want one when she's 13. Who knows.

I always knew I'd want *a* child, but I thought I'd just wait and see once I had one. We get so much pressure in so many different ways to have another -- I'm depriving my daughter of a sibling, etc., etc. -- but having just one has seemed to fit us better.

I agree with what people are saying here about growth and change -- there are a lot of core things that have remained the same with me since I was tiny, but of course I change my mind about things. I never, ever thought I'd marry someone allergic to cats -- I love cats -- but I fell in love with a great guy who is allergic to cats, and it wasn't a deal-breaker. There was a point at which I thought there was absolutely no way that I'd want to learn ASL and become part of Deaf culture. Etc., etc.

As a general statement -- not one meant to convince anyone of anything, just an observation on the subject -- I've found caring for other people's children and having my own child to be absolutely different experiences. (By "my own" I don't really mean the process of birth etc., just, this is MY baby and I'm responsible for her.) There is something that happened that made me absolutely cuckoo in love with her, way way beyond anything I've felt with any other kids (I did a lot of babysitting). And that has wide-reaching effects, from how many annoyances I'm willing to put up with to how happy a smile and a hug can make me.

I remember the Lovely Bride and I watching Nigel, our third child, and
saying "We wanted him, we planned for him, he was no accident.
WHAT WERE WE THINKING!?!?!?!"

Just kidding, of course. But for sure the decision to have multiple children
is different than the decision to have one.

Whenever I see a little baby, I get that Aww wouldn't it be nice to have another baby.

Then my younger daugther clobbers her sister on the head and they start fighting and whining and I decide two is enough!

Honestly though - I think alot of it has to do with time and money. I don't have enough of either for me to feel it would be good to have another child. Also, as I am getting a bit older, if we felt we could afford it, we would most likely adopt (and probably not a baby, but a young child).

Babies are so sweet and cute and cuddly, but they cry, poop and require lots of attention. I'm done with changing diapers.

I fought long and hard with doctors about getting my tubes tied. I had to see a psychiatrist before I could see a surgeon. The psychiatrist asked me what would happen if I met someone who wanted kids and I couldn't have them. I told her that if he wanted kids, he wasn't right for me. The psychiatrist referred me to a doctor and at 21, my tubes were tied. Sixteen years have past and I'm glad to say it was the best decision I have ever made in my life.

Wow, I am really disappointed in the reply posts. I thought these sites were, in part to help those of us who have been made to feel selfish or unnatural because of our decision not to have children. I am a registered nurse in my early 30s and applaud your courage to seek answers/support as you navigate through your choices. I think it shows a great deal of maturity. I think you need to discuss the details with a trained professional who has performed over 100 of these procedures and can tell you first-hand the complications/risks/benefits etc they have seen with the specific procedure you are considering. Research/information gathering helps me not only make decisions but gives me a sense of peace that I made the right choice for me. I wish you luck.

Thanks littlek for your post.
Was beginning to think I was alone. I'm 34, child-free and single too! Great to hear of someone of same age, single and not desperate to have kids. Most of my friends are married with kids or have kids from a previous relationship. It just doesn't appeal to me at all. I'd prefer to enjoy my life alone.

My parents are divorced and it was the most horrific time. It showed me the other side and how it can turn nasty so quickly. I've learnt nothing is guaranteed through my parents own marriage and previous relationships of my own. Someone I thought I knew I ended up not knowing at all. Personally I'd rather not take the risk of hurting a child the way I was. People think I'm selfish when they hear I don't want kids or marriage, so how can it be selfish wanting to protect a human being? People who say it are always the ones whose parents are still in a happy marriage and in a 'perfect' relationship/marriage themselves at that time. They wear marriage like a crown lol!

Something funny........one guy I went out with for a date said if he was dating someone and found out that their parents were divorced he'd have to reconsider that person. Like it was gentic or something and you'd be programmed to mess up or do the same??? He had a child from an unmarried previous relationship? I never contacted him again and he hadn't a clue about my parents. What cheek!

I think there are some/many people who define the purpose of their life as producers of children. Fortunately, I think more and more people are beginning to think other-wise. To some extent I think some people define their adulthood by becoming parents. I think that's sad. I also think every individual should use their own judgment.