childfree living

I'm not childfree, but interestingly I'm getting a lot of the reactions that my childfree friends tell me they get when I mention that I am planning to have only one.

Can I ask how old you are, midnight?

(btw I'm the vote for the "have a child but don't think everyone needs them" option.)

I'm 20 and everyone keeps telling me I'll change my mind but I feel like I've already raised a sibling and I want to focus on my career and some causes that I'm interested in.

Sure. I'd never tell you that you WILL change your mind, but it does seem to be an option you'd want to keep open, just in case. I think I've seen that some of the new-fangled stuff is reversable, which would be different.

I'm child-free right now, but will probably have children in the next few years.

Midnight - although you have the right to not have children, it's a choice you can always make. Twenty just seems young to make an unreversible decision that you can make 10 or even 20 years from now.

I don't know that you'll be able to find a doctor that will do the surgery. Most won't until a woman is well into her 30s to prevent malpractice suits.

I'm not judging - I've waxed and waned about having children in the past myself. When I was younger (I'm 29) I didn't want children, but have since changed my mind - mostly because the man who will be their father.

Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

When I was your age I didn't want children either, but I changed my mind a few years later and my son is almost 16 now. I think it's a personal choice for everyone and I wish you happiness in whatever your choice might be :-)

My cousin (who we will call T) has never wanted children, doesnt really like kids all that much, and doesnt really know what to do with them. So when the subject of her reproductive system was a bit of a medical worry, she made a point well and truely clear to the doctors that she wanted her womb taken out. She pushed and dramatised everything so they would take it from her, which they did. She was now happy, as pregnancy would never happen to her, and she would not be ever in the position to make a decision of abortion.
She has just met the man of her dreams, who she wants to marry and sail off into the sun set with. He wants kids - she cant give them, but guess who turned up at my house crying because she made a HUGE mistake. She now wishes she hadnt been so forceful in demanding her womb be taken. And its all her fault, and she has to live with this for the rest of her life.
There is nothing I can say to comfort her, theres nothing I can do. Life dealt her a curve ball that she cant cope with. What has happened to her is unbelievable, I dont think Im being untrue when I say T has found the bottom of the pit. When did she have this operation? Not even a year ago.

So think very carefully about this choice as its one that can really make a mess of things. And it might have a price attached to it that you cant afford to pay. You are doing the right thing though, asking for peoples opinions.
Good Luck.

I was really just curious. . . . . my family has mental and physical issues that I don't want to pass on, hence my playing a major role in raising my brother and such. Your cousin sounds a bit melodramatic in general . . . . I'm sorry for her loss. Sugar made a good point about doctors being reluctant to perform the procedure though so I'll probably have to keep taking the hormones and hope the the methods of birthcontrol I use don't fail because i wouldn't like it if I lost the choice to be child free. I know its a likely possibility that I will change my mind but I'd like to think I would adopt or foster because there are plenty of children out there that need parents (maybe your cousin should consider this option if her current relationship works out and she doesn't change her mind again within the year). But I don't think I'll change my mind about wanting to be a biological mother because I know that I would feel awful if I did have a child and it turned up with one or more of the mental/physical disorders that run in my family. And I won't get into my lacking patience, the fact that I don't play well with others and my control issues that also lead me to believe that not only will I not have biological children but that children won't play a central role in my future.

I am 36 and "Just Childfree". I never wanted to have children (or be married for that matter) and things have not changed over the years. I am happy with my decision but I know people find me odd. I would not, if I were you, get sterilized until you are absolutely sure and perhaps a bit older. People do change their minds or meet someone they never thought they would. Just because you make a decision to have no children does not mean you need to permanently change something within your body.

celticclover- I think that your cousin still has the better end of the deal, even if she is miserable at the moment. IMO, one of the most destructive things to do is to have a child that you don't want, but are having due to the desires of your spouse. I think that it is a recipe for disaster, for all concerned!

I'd wanted a child but didn't want to go it alone. Got married just shy of forty but felt by then that I was too old. I wish it could have been different and sometimes I regret the way things worked out but I have three adult stepchildren and hope to have grandchildren someday. I'm gonna be a ridiculous grandma!!

I am one of 8 siblings. Only 4 of us went on to have children of our own (2 of us have 2 children and 2 of us had only 1) and to my knowledge none of us are unhappy with those decisions.

It's a very personal decision either way but choosing not to have children is becoming more "normal" (accepted?) I think.

I am happily child free, by choice.

I never wanted to become a mother, and neither did my older sister. Our mother shows pictures of our pets as her "grandchildren" but she is definately not happy about it. If I called my mother today and told her I was pregnant (without the benefit of marriage) she would be thrilled. Estatic. Elated. There aren't enough words to describe it. That isn't going to happen.

My SO doesn't want children either, and we are comfortable with our choice.

I definately wouldn't make any "life altering" decisions that would make you unable to have children, as you may have other plans later on.

Being childless is starting to be more accepted. Ignore those that say you are selfish for not having children. It isn't for everybody, and everybody has a choice whether to have children or not.

Me and Urs never wanted children, each by his/her own decision.

Me, mainly because I don't want to put a human being in to a world that's all but sane and safe. Secondly, because I'm not sure if I'm the right person to raise another person, since I'm a big kid myself. I don't want to have THAT much responsibility, thank you!

Sublime, my ma is just like yours, all she has is to show pictures of my sister's cat, and our cats... I know it isn't what she wanted, but she says it's our choice. Sis is still young, though...

I certainly dislike it when a person, who might not even know us that well, says that we'll be missing not having kids when we're old. I, on the other hand, maintains the idea that what I/we never had, we can't miss.

I was 46 when my one and only was born. She's well worth waiting for.

"Those who have children and those who don't feel sorry for each other." Unknown.

I never wanted children in my 20's but completely changed my mind in my 30's. I became a mother with huge delight ...

I'm childfree by choice as BigDice already said.

I never wanted to get married and never wanted to have kids. I love kids and I think I'm a pretty good aunt for my nephews. But to have a kid myself - no. And I have no real explanation for it. Just doesn't do it for me.

I did change my mind about getting married six years ago.

I lived with my ex for 15 years and it would have been a catastrophe for me had I gotten pregnant. It wouldn't be now with my husband. However, I do hope it will never happen.

Bermbits, I like that quote. So true!

....what I am trying to say is that in a decade you can make a
180 degree turn in what you want out of life.......

Sometimes what we want or don't want is circumstantial. In ten years, our lives can be completely different from when we first stated such desires.

midnight - I'm 34, child-free, single. I never particularly wanted kids. In my late 20s I thought maybe I'd have one or two given the right circumstances. But, there's no self-driving force to have them.