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Need advice on infidelity

 
 
Reply Tue 6 Feb, 2018 09:02 pm
First off, feel free to tell me how much of a monster I am but please know I won’t read or engage in any of those posts. I’m truly just looking for some perspective on different situations.

I started sleeping with a married coworker almost a year ago. First we were friends and things just ended up progressing very unexpectedly. To the point where we were both discussing our “next marriage” to one another. This went on until December in which my husband found out about the affair and blew the whole thing up by telling the guys wife. Since then we’ve tried to stay away from another but it seems like the connection we have and self control is making things difficult. We are now back together again.

The situations at home: I have asked for a divorce from my husband. During the last two months my husband has engaged with the other guys wife several times via email and text and send her all the “evidence” he could find including long conversations about how in love this guy and I are. The other guy is trying to repair things with his wife for the sake of his kids and is going to a psychiatrist to get on meds to help with his depression he’s now experiencing.

The wife refuses to think that we’re still in love and seeing each other but she’s treating him like a lower animal than a flea on a dog. I understand it’s her right but as his friend and somebody that loves him it’s difficult to watch but the other guy is in self punishing and martyring himself because he knows he’s earned it.

I would like the wife to find out about our still on-going affair anonymously even though I know it’s mean and vindictive. I’d like to hear some ideas on how she can find out or receive an anonymous tip about the affair again. The wife and my husband have ceased communication now and it didn’t end well. He kept telling her the affair was on-going and she called him out for being a crazy liar and won’t listen to him anymore. I also need it never to lead back to me since I don’t want to ruin my relationship with the other guy too. Any help (without judgement) is really appreciated.
 
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Tue 6 Feb, 2018 09:04 pm
@Anon54321,
Anon54321 wrote:

First off, feel free to tell me how much of a monster I am but please know I won’t read or engage in any of those posts. I’m truly just looking for some perspective on different situations.

I started sleeping with a married coworker almost a year ago. First we were friends and things just ended up progressing very unexpectedly. To the point where we were both discussing our “next marriage” to one another. This went on until December in which my husband found out about the affair and blew the whole thing up by telling the guys wife. Since then we’ve tried to stay away from another but it seems like the connection we have and self control is making things difficult. We are now back together again.

The situations at home: I have asked for a divorce from my husband. During the last two months my husband has engaged with the other guys wife several times via email and text and send her all the “evidence” he could find including long conversations about how in love this guy and I are. The other guy is trying to repair things with his wife for the sake of his kids and is going to a psychiatrist to get on meds to help with his depression he’s now experiencing.

The wife refuses to think that we’re still in love and seeing each other but she’s treating him like a lower animal than a flea on a dog. I understand it’s her right but as his friend and somebody that loves him it’s difficult to watch but the other guy is in self punishing and martyring himself because he knows he’s earned it.

I would like the wife to find out about our still on-going affair anonymously even though I know it’s mean and vindictive. I’d like to hear some ideas on how she can find out or receive an anonymous tip about the affair again. The wife and my husband have ceased communication now and it didn’t end well. He kept telling her the affair was on-going and she called him out for being a crazy liar and won’t listen to him anymore. I also need it never to lead back to me since I don’t want to ruin my relationship with the other guy too. Any help (without judgement) is really appreciated.


Welcome to A2K and perhaps you should contact Doctor Phil or Jerry Springer.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  5  
Reply Tue 6 Feb, 2018 09:20 pm
@Anon54321,
Anon54321 wrote:
The other guy is trying to repair things with his wife


if you truly love him (vs being in love) help him with what he wants - which is repairing his marriage. back off - ask for a transfer at work - move (it's a good time for you to move on as your marriage is already over) . get on with your own life.

if he is unable to repair his marriage, he may consider you as a partner in the future. the reality is that the affair partner rarely becomes the next life partner but there could be a chance - esp if he had a sense that you had not tried to interfere with him trying to save his marriage.

congrats on asking for the divorce yourself. follow-through with that.
0 Replies
 
FlyingZephyr
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Feb, 2018 09:50 am
@Anon54321,
no judgement here. I;m trying to figure out how to do the same thing. I;ve thought about anonymous emails or facebook messages, but he is a big time computer guru and I am afraid I'll get busted.
PUNKEY
 
  4  
Reply Wed 7 Feb, 2018 11:41 am
Your issue is not with the wife.

The issue is a weak man who does not have the courage to leave her OR give his side thing up. (That's you)

People who love each other move mountains to be with each other. He's not moving nuthin'. Stop blaming his wife for his lack of backbone.

Don't let him give you the excuse about the kids. He can still be a good dad. I'm sure his shrink has told him it's his responsibility to make himself happy. If he does't take these steps himself, then he's to blame.

See this situation clearly.
Anon54321
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Feb, 2018 07:40 pm
@FlyingZephyr,
Good to know there’s somebody else out there. Maybe we should have some separate conversations and talk through some things.
0 Replies
 
Anon54321
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Feb, 2018 07:42 pm
@PUNKEY,
You’re right he is weak and I know that’s the biggest issue. He doesn’t see a way he can live without tucking his kids in every night. His words, not mine. I wish he would see more clearly the way he’s being manipulated and that ultimately he might be happier out of this particular marriage.
Sofos
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Feb, 2018 07:30 am
@Anon54321,
Hello,

Out of curiosity. Do you care about YOUR husband at all? I mean...it sounds like he might be in a lot of pain too. Just wondering what made you be so careless about a man who (I suspect) loved so much that you end up marrying with.

This isn't in a judgmental tone by the way. I am purely curious .

Thanks
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Feb, 2018 11:34 am
@Anon54321,
Anon54321 wrote:
He doesn’t see a way he can live without tucking his kids in every night. His words, not mine


he has decided what he values

support him in that if you love him
0 Replies
 
 

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