Reconnected with first love....and devastated

Four years ago, I met up with my first love after 30 years. We were both married but realized that our feelings were still the same and decided to leave our families and be together. It really felt like a single day had not gone by. Our relationship was always a long distance one as we live in different cities, but we started meeting every couple of months and phoning/chatting online daily. It was the first time either of us had cheated on our spouses and it never felt like cheating…it just felt natural. I was so happy, like never before in my life. He has always been my soulmate and he says I am the only woman he has ever really loved in his life.

The initial arrangement was he would come over to where I live and try to get a job while I supported both of us. On the day he decided to come over, 10 months ago, he backed off, said it was over in spite of him loving me, as it could lead nowhere. I begged him to reconsider and eventually he agreed to us being together again and decided to find a job so we could be together on a more equal basis.

However, I felt very insecure about what had happened and was acting needy and putting pressure on him. On his part, maybe because he felt very anxious himself about his own issues, he was not so loving and outgoing.....long silences, many times he refused to speak to me and went radio silent for weeks after a fight. Lately, our conversations were no longer so carefree, but revolving around our outstanding issues, with me constantly pressing him about whether he had news on the job, about his feelings and intentions towards me etc….he was always assuring me that he wanted us to be together, always saying he loved me and that he was doing all he could for us to be together as we should be…..but less and less outgoing and communicative…..

A month ago we had an argument over the same issues and he suddenly said it was over between us. I started writing long emails to him explaining my feelings and reactions, apologizing for putting too much pressure on him and obsessing about things, saying I love him and asking to talk….I know he reads all of my e-mails instantly but he never responds…..It hurts so much going to no contact from being into so close contact with him for the last 4,5 years. I can't bear the idea that if he does not relent, I may never speak or see him again. The worst is I don't understand why. Was it the pressure from me? Was it that he was not so very honest about his plans to find a job and leave his wife, or maybe things didn't go as he wanted them to...or what? Even so, why did he do this so suddenly and without explaining why?
I wish he would just speak to me and explain what's on his mind.