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Fri 1 Dec, 2017 11:14 am
So my ex and I have entered a no-contact period a week ago. (we've been broken up for about 2 months) Before that we had been talking every single day for the past 8 months. Since the NC started I unfollowed him on instagram, facebook, and blocked him from seeing my location (he admitted to creeping before) on snapchat and blocked him from seeing my story. I tried to cut him off completely from me, make him realize what he gave up and make him realize the magnitude of his decision to break up.
I wouldn't like his posts or view his story either. I'm trying to show him that he's not #1 anymore and I'm trying to take away the thought he has of being on a pedestal because I had begged him to try again and give me a second chance.
He at first was doing fine but in the last few days he started to like my posts and then last night he liked my post. (no big deal) When I woke up I had two messages from him. The messages are on snapchat so I can peek at the message without them being marked as "read". The messages were received at 2am. The message said "not that its a huge deal... but how come you took me off being able to see your snap stories." It looks/sounds like the indirect/direct approach that I've heard of since I started the NC. He's known that I blocked him from seeing my location and stories, but it ate him up enough to finally message me about it.
Anyway, I don't know how I should respond to that. He is reaching out and I don't know what to say. I know that you're supposed to assume that if your ex contacts you after a NC that you should assume that they want to get back together. I also know that you can't come on too strong, you use the mirror tactic. Whatever they talk about, whatever enthusiasm they show, you show the same amount or less. Lastly, I know that you're not supposed to talk about your feelings or the break up, it's the last thing that they want to talk about. Talking about those topics will back him into a corner and push him away. Basically, I know what not to say.
I need help with what to say...
@lcroering,
By my understanding of the phrase "no-contact period", it seems pretty clear what you should say.
@maxdancona,
The no contact is so that he reaches out to me. That was the point of it, so that he questions his choice of the break up, so he misses me. I'm not supposed to ignore him...
@lcroering,
Huh. This romance stuff is getting trickier these days. Seems a lot of manipulation to me.
@lcroering,
lcroering wrote:The no contact is so that he reaches out to me. That was the point of it, so that he questions his choice of the break up, so he misses me. I'm not supposed to ignore him...
That sounds crazy to me. A fake break up so he comes creeping back? A no-contact agreement for him only, and continually spying on him? To punish him for not worshipping Princess ME? Get over yourself, lady, give up the mind games, and maybe when you finish growing up you might be ready to try a proper relationship.
@lcroering,
lcroering wrote:
The no contact is so that he reaches out to me. That was the point of it, so that he questions his choice of the break up, so he misses me. I'm not supposed to ignore him...
Yes, you are supposed to ignore him. That's what no contact means. If you two want to be together, then be together. If you want to break up, then break up. Playing these games doesn't help anyone. If you are going to text him, tell him this.
If someone breaks up with me... I don't talk to them until they tell me clearly that they want to be with me again. And then, I will only talk to them if I am sure I want to be with them again.
You could talk as friends. But this only can work if neither of you is playing games. I have continued as friends with a couple of ex-girlfriends. But generally there needs to be a time apart before this happens, and both people need to be honest and no play games.
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