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Mon 28 Feb, 2022 11:28 pm
Hello, I am Derek, I am writing this with hops of finding an answer to a long standing question I have never been able to have answered in a way I could understand or would help. My question is this, How do I go about finding a girlfriend in my situation.
To explain my situation I will have to explain my life so here it it.
I have asperges syndrome, now, but as a child it was horrible, I had turrets syndrome and was in and outta hospitals and day programs that did not help. I had and have a severe learning disability and have zero education even now and am unable to gain one due to not being able to focus on that level or hold the knowledge. I was in assisted living programs till age 29 and have lived alone ever since, now I'm 36. Have never kissed a girl or really talked to any that wasn't family or a family friend. I live now, in the countryside with zero transportation, friends or family that can help. There is no uber, not even ambulance comes out this far out. But I am very friendly and very active person who has a good since of humor and personality and loves music shopping ect. I can not work because i live wholly off my ssd which is 1300 and my bills and rent is only 570. So I have enough money to date just no means of getting anywhere, I don't even own a cell phone, can't cook, can't drive, have no exp with girls what so ever except what I see on YouTube tutorials. I am a virgin still too. But I see people with girlfriends on tv and family members have them and so on. I have always been the runt of my family, the child that failed at everything and while all my family has and does travel all over, I am stuck in my trailer 27/7/365 with no one to talk to and no friends whatsoever. So to me death sounds better than the horrific loneliness and isolation I face daily, but want to be positive and believe in hope, kind 0f like leia did no matter how bad it got.
My situation can not be upgraded and can not get any better than it is now, I have had some of the most resourceful members of family try to help me when they were able to in the past, issue is i can not function on an emotional norm like everyone else, I don't get mad, sad, depressed, or have many other emotions that most people have. I am a very scientific and practical person, I don't do metaphors or analogies and so on. and a lot of the English language I actually never learned, I am on a 1st grade working level and a 12th grade reading lvl. but bam a quick learner for simple stuff.
But a girlfriend is what I want more than a chance at heaven, if i die and burn at least I will know that I knew what it felt like to feel wanted or loved.
But that is my greatest fantasy, is to have a girlfriend so I can feel wanted, loved, like I matter to someone.
So
How do I go about dating, setting up a profile, how do in my situation find confidentce with no one to help me and no one to guide me?
@Miyakutsune,
Man who wrote the post for you? You sounding very capable in my book!
...oh by the way use statistics like everyone else, you should be good at it!
@Miyakutsune,
In the UK there is a popular television series called Undatables, it deals with people who have disabilities and Learning disorders and helps them find dates.
It worked in conjunction with a dating company called Flame Introductions that specialised in finding matches for people who had such challenges.
Perhaps there is something similar where you are.
When I googled Undatables the first thing thatcame up was undatables southampton which is the city I live in, so you may have a similar result when you Google undatables.
@izzythepush,
I heard and read about the undatables, I really wish they had something like that here, but sadly, they dont.
@Albuquerque,
statistics? I may sound capable to you, but I am pretty much trash in the dating world, I have tried, okcupid, plenty of fish, zoosk, eharmony, coffee meets beigal, meetme, hinge, happn, match about 20 others and have been blocked, rejected, and told off for the entire time, evedently men who have no ambition, no friends, no education, no life, cant work, live off disability are trash in the dating world. Which is why i wouldn't mind dying young, but, i would rather stay hopful but my faith i will ever find someone is quickly dying out.
@Miyakutsune,
I'm very sorry to hear that.
Is there a group of neurodivergent in your area you could meet up with?
@Miyakutsune,
Oh now you brought up a all new number of reasons...
...people without a job, money, aspirations are undatable for the average female sadly...
Don't look for the average female it is not your target market.
I am sure you are not undatable you have just to gain some confidence, recondition your state of mind to a more secure place and get to know what kind of women like your style and deserve you!
Reconditioning learned helplessness might takes years as our brain or any brain for that matter is an animal of habits and patterns that hates novelty more then it hates suffering. As I said it might take years but you have to start working on yourself with double determination!
@Albuquerque,
I don't understand, what is average femal and how to tell an average women from a non average woman, i mean is it the way they dress, or act or, i am completely confused on what to do or how to do it. I mean do i go on a dating site or?
@Miyakutsune,
Average is average.
What it means is that according to you at least for now, you don't have access to the normal typical average female preference of a man. You pointed you were "undatable" right?
My point is that no one is totally undatable and sometimes might have a more specific "target market".
The very idea that one person is totally undatable is self defeating and adds to the problem instead of mitigating it!
@Albuquerque,
so i guess my question is how to i id this type your speaking about and is there a dating site for that kind of thing or? I mean like is there a recomended dating site for these type women you speak of and how would i tell the difference? Also as i said way above, I dont even have any social exp with girls, I mean do i styart with telling them my bio, do i start with asking questions, do i start with telling them im autistc?
@izzythepush,
if there was or is i cant get there, i have no transportation, even for food i have to pay my neighbor nearly 30 usd just to get to a gas station wher i get my months supply of food and they dont have much. in other words, i am limited to frozen pizza or 3rd party can food everynight now for years. there is no dr or anything out here. like i said i live so far into the country that not even ambulance comes this far out
@Miyakutsune,
Perhaps you may try just dating online for the present since you have no wheels. Like a penpal, but online. I have never been on a dating site so have no idea how to guide you there, but maybe just starting out making friends with some ladies might help you feel more comfortable around them.
Alternative suggestion: could you move closer to your family? It sounds like they love you- perhaps they can recommend somewhere affordable for you. I don't know your mobility issues, but somewhere where there is public transportation would get you out and about. Some city where there are things to see and do would certainly enliven your existence and perhaps there may be programs for people in your situation.
Don't give up. I think you need to move.
And why don't you have a cell phone?
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