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Wanting to try again at a relationship with my ex

 
 
Reply Tue 28 Nov, 2017 03:39 pm
My boyfriend and I dated for 6 months. We were just like any dream couple that you hear about or how people describe their early days of someone that they are married to. We would see each other at least once a week for usually three days time. We'd go out to movies and dates and we really feel for each other. From the very beginning there was a lot of chemistry.

About three months in while I was across the country on vacation he had a breakdown and broke up with me over text. The next day we talked and ended up getting back together by the end of the night. From that point on I had trust issues and it started to show. I started to develop depression and he became a post for me to lean on. Around 4.5 months in we started to fight more due to my trust issues and him not wanting to open up about things. The last week we were together I had a really bad day with my depression and we talked on the phone for hours about me and if I continue down this path there will be no "us".

That opened my eyes and that week I tackled all the things that were causing my depression and was really trying to show him that I want him more than anything. The weekend came and I went to visit, when he came back from work he was distant, tired, and didn't want to show affection. I had an assumption of what was coming and it scared me. The next day I talked to him and he spilled the beans. He wanted us to have a break and work on us and I freaked out. We talked on his bed for over an hour just hugging and crying. He went to work and I stayed there over for another night and the next morning he went hunting. I had left before he got back so we didn't really have closure. We continue to talk and that following weekend I hacked his snapchat to see if he was talking to other guys. He found out and I was beyond sorry, I had let my emotions take over and I regret it. I drove to his house that same weekend and grabbed some of my stuff that was there. He was pissed at me and I don't blame him. We didn't talk that much for about 2 weeks. After that we were talking again everyday and I started to make moves when I found out that he was only talking to me as a friend.

He has made it very clear that he still wants me in his life just at that time he said just as a friend. So, we continue to talk and I quickly pick up on ques that he still cares a lot and that he wants to try again as well, but hes scared. We talk more and more and then soon he would start the conversations and not me.

A month after the break he calls me one night, asking how I was doing and thought I would like some company, someone to talk to. We talked over an hour and I confronted him about him being scared. I told him that even if he doesn't realize it, he drops little clues of his affection. He said that he knows hes scared and he doesn't exactly know why yet.

I know I'm special, not like his previous ex's. I was the first to buy him flowers, first to bake him a cake. I was the first one that he brought home to his family. I was the first one that brought him to meet their family. He is the kind of person that never cries, he was really really close with his grandfather and didn't cry at his funeral. He cried the first time we broke up and he cried the second time. He's also kept the little gifts that I've given him and old pictures of us. He said "that no matter what I will always be there for you, the break up hasn't changed that".

A month and 1/2 after the break up he texted me. We started talking and he invited me over for a movie night. We hug, I cried, he got teary eyed. We watch a movie together, hold hands, cuddle, and end up sleeping in the same bed because I insisted. This happened while both of us were seeing other guys but weren't official with them. I ended up breaking it off with the guy I was seeing and when I asked him about the guys he was talking to he said "I don't know if its gonna work out, I don't really see it going anywhere, they aren't you". The next day we talk some more, hug a lot and then I go home.

I've been trying to fix what we had because I want to marry that man, I still believe in my heart almost 2 months after the break up. After that movie night we started a radio silence zone. Neither of us will be talking to each other for 2 weeks. That's to give him space and help him realize the good in me that he misses. After the two weeks I will be seeing him again and in person. During our silence I posted a poem that I wrote about how I was feeling, he screenshot the poem and messaged me. He said it was really good and that he doesn't just say things like that.

I was thinking of having another radio silence after we see each other, at least till the end of December. I was thinking it would be good to give him space, let him get a taste of me again, then go back to really let him think about things.

I'm asking for advice on what else I can do, what I should do differently. He is the person that I love most and he has said the same to me in the past. I want to save our relationship and what we had. Any advice will be a big help. If you read all of this, thank you.
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ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 28 Nov, 2017 03:51 pm
@lcroering,
What are you doing about your depression? are you seeing a counsellor/taking medication?

If I were on the other side of this relationship, I'd want to see some evidence that you're doing the work you need to do on yourself before I considered anything more than a casual dating relationship.
lcroering
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 Nov, 2017 04:14 pm
@ehBeth,
The reasons for my depression were: coming out to some of my family, organization in schoolwork, talking to my mom about my issues, and personal image. I go to the gym to fix my image, gain confidence, I bought calendars for organization, talk to my professors, and write down assignments so that fixed my schoolwork. I told my mom I had depression and talk to her regularly now. I came out to the rest of my family before he broke it off. All the reasons that used to give me depression don't exist anymore. I also met with a counselor a couple times. I've been really happy in every way except my heart break. I haven't had a bad day since the weeks after our break. I know where I've come from and I don't want to go back to that. He knows that as well from me visiting him. The only thing that makes me sad now is the heart break and so I'm working to fix things with him to fix that.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 28 Nov, 2017 04:25 pm
@lcroering,
Continue to work on yourself and you'll be more attractive as a person (to him and others).

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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 Nov, 2017 09:49 pm
This relationship is somewhat recent. He is seeing others. There's lots of drama, including your (situational) depression.

You try a no contact , then break it with a poem. He's cried a lot but hasn't made a commitment.

You want to marry him? Gosh, you have a huge job to get this relationship ready for that. He sounds wishy washy.

Cut off contact completely for two weeks and see if he misses you. Use the time to pull yourself together.
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