Thu 8 Oct, 2020 03:58 pm
Here is the context. Met her on Hinge. Added her on instagram. I sent her a voice message. She replied “wow you have a really sexy voice” and asked to talk on the phone.
We talked on the phone that night 90 minutes. Something I never do and something she later told me she never does either. The next day we talked on the phone 2 hours. Again, probably a new record for me. Thursday and Friday
I shared with her my myers briggs, entj, known for going after goals. The next day she asked if I have any relationship goals at the moment. I just answered honestly and said it was to meet as many girls as possible to find out what I like. This is where things started going downhill. Saturday
After I told her this I could feel a gradual change in energy. She personally has met no one lately due to coronavirus. The next day she called me to say that we shouldn’t develop our relationship further. The style of communication wasn’t 100% there for her but the biggest red flag was me having met people during coronavirus. This was on Sunday. Despite turning me down, she suggested to go to Trader Joe’s together on Tuesday and to still be friends.
Through all this I had a strong attraction to her. I was pretty cool about her turning be down on Sunday, but unfortunately turning me down probably made the attraction stronger. Humans want what they cant have. This gave me some tension on Monday. So Monday I called her to ask to meet Monday night instead of Tuesday. This made her mad that I wasn’t respecting her schedule and said to not meet or talk altogether.
Later Monday, I texted “just give me a chance.” She said alright and to meet still Tuesday night.
Tuesday night we met. omg I was attracted to her! I wanted something to turn me off to her but it was the exact opposite. She turned me down for a walk after Trader Joe’s, and reiterated it doesnt feel right for a relationship. She also said I’m pretty cool, reiterated we can be friends, and gave a list of specific things to do together even.
On my drive home I left her a voice message saying I agree with her assessment. I said I personally felt she is a bit too serious which I dont want in a girl but I really like her and would like to be friends.
I don’t know if my serious comment offended her but I realized the next morning she had taken me off instagram. I tried calling her and no answer. By this point I could see I wasnt doing my self respect any good and messaged her “Hi I dont think you’re personally ready for a friendship at this point in your life. Best of luck in the future.” That’s where I left it. May be obvious, but there was no reply.
Here are some things I’ve wondered about:
I took her rejection hard. I’ve been rejected by other girls where things developed even further and then simply brushed it off. I wonder why though this one has been really hard (and depressing) for me.
I would still like to be friends with her. I don’t think she is the fit for a long term relationship, but I am still very attracted to her for some reason and want to get to know her more (as a friend). I wonder if I should wait a week to let any lingering emotions settle down and ask if she’d like to be friends or just let it go.
Finally I wonder though if friendship was really something that crossed her mind or if she was just letting me down easy. When she turned me down, I asked her if we should just stop talking, and she said we can (not should) still meet up and be friends. On Tuesday, she even gave some specific things to do together in the future. In the end I feel this is just her being respectful but I tried to make it easy for her to do otherwise. Should I just let it go or let things settle and still try to be friends? If I do try being friends, what the ideal time to wait and ideal thing to say?
Pick yourself up, stay honest and try again.
Thanks. How long should I wait and what should I say?
And do you mean to try again with her or the next girl I meet?
Tell them the truth. It works. The idea is to find someone compatible, not find someone and make yourself seem compatible.
I met my wife online and we've been together and very happy 13 years this last April. I sorted through a few others as did she. Stay honest, stay firm on your values. It will work out.
I don’t know about this trend that is quite common to young folks today. They spend hours and hours talking on the phone after meeting up online. It should be that the online contact is used only to set up a first meeting. Spending so much time talking to her on the phone caused you to become emotionally invested in her before you even knew her.
Next time just use these online hook up sites to ask somebody out and get to know that person in person.
She spent way too much time with you on the phone or online and when she met with you it wasn’t what she thought it was going to be. It should be that the online contact Is used only to set up for a first meeting.
Also - What’s with the Trader Joe’s meeting? I understand that this Covid makes things very difficult but you could’ve gone to a public park for a nice walk or done something else outside if she was so worried about the virus.