Understand that chatting and online life is curated. People don't logon when they're feeling truly crappy. Even if you've seen 'Bob' tired or depressed, you still haven't seen him truly and completely let it all hang out. I guarantee that - no one would or could go online with, say, a migraine or the like.
So you are seeing a better than average version of him. Same thing with the meetings. You see him clean, happy, willing to do whatever. You don't see him leaving his dirty socks on the floor, having to be told four times to pick up the kids from the airport, or when he's just had three-alarm chili.
You see all of those things with your husband, and of course I understand they aren't pleasant.
But they're real.
Hey, if you want to toss that for what is a pipe dream at best, you are an adult and you can make your own choices. Or you can work with a counselor, talk about what's missing in your life, and maybe get your husband to be a part of that counseling and see what both of you are going to do about things.
I am not against divorce - far from it! But when there's no abuse and the party says they still love their spouse and have a great marriage, then I think throwing in the towel is downright foolish.
I'm against not trying.