5
   

My husband of 9 months bruised my arm

 
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Feb, 2005 07:52 am
Quote:
i am gentle, i was brought up to think women are ladies, and they deserve respect, even if they mess you about, screw around on you,



Women who "mess about" and "screw around on you" are not "ladies".


Quote:
i was once hit by an ex partner, i have been stabbed, luckily it was only by a crochet needle.. i been punched, kicked,


Apparently, you are attracted to violent women. Have you ever thought about why this is?
0 Replies
 
theanonymouse
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Feb, 2005 08:05 am
usually, it used to be women where ladies, but in my contacts with ladies i found afair few of them are nothing of the sort they are mind controlling, witches.. so i have the instincts of treating women with respect and the knowledge that they are in no way shape or form to be ladies.. causes me a fair few complications..

this was by one woman.. i am a passive bloke, (the world can be turning to crap in front of me and i am still passive, well mostly), i have been told i am a bit divorced from my emotions by the ex(i am not i just dont burst into tears at the drop of a hat) so they have to provoke me to get a response..and it went too far..

(which i am changing they werent the ones, so i didnt feel as much as i do now)
0 Replies
 
JustBrooke
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Feb, 2005 08:15 am
theanonymouse wrote:
ok. as a new user here i am shocked and stunned by the anti male bias some people have

Hi theanonymouse and welcome to the forum.

Now, tell me........why would you say you are shocked by something that is simply NOT there. If you see anti male bias when people on this forum are speaking with women that have been abused...you are simply not seeing straight. If it "seems" like male bashing to you, perhaps you need to understand we are addressing a "situation" ....that's all. Smile Not the whole male population.


theanonymouse wrote:
i have been hit and hurt in a similar way to charms, but did i leave no.. one incident does not make an abuser


One incident is indeed abuse. One incident can even kill. It only takes one incident to send someone to jail. Men by nature are stronger than women. When someone is abused for the first time, a seperation of sorts can sometimes be a very good thing. Why? Because it tells the "abuser" that it is NOT OK to hit! It provides a cooling off period.


theanonymouse wrote:
and brooke.. do you also deal with female violence on men at the centre, (it does happen at the same rates as women on men, but men dont report it.. and if they did they would be ridiculed and told men deserved it..)


We certainly do deal with men at the shelter. If a man comes on this forum I would give him the same advice as I give a woman.

theanonymouse wrote:
its a symptom of being part of a abusive culture, one incident, and thats it marriage should be over.. some men are gentle men, somtimes men dont know their own strength.. but that just means they are all abusers eh..


No one is saying the marriage should be over with one incident. I will say that the marriage is in danger. The marriage needs counseling to say the least. Seperation can be a good thing.

theanonymouse wrote:
yes there are abusive husbands, but there is also a possibility it was an accident..


An accident? How so? Smile If someone is in a heated argument with me and he causes harm to my body......it is no accident. For whatever it was that he did to me, was of his own free will. If he hurt me because he is stonger than even he realizes...that is STILL no excuse. For the pain to my body never would have happened, had he not rough housed me anyways. Get it?

In Charms case......the abuse to her was followed up by denial. Her husband blamed HER for what HE did. That is a classic sign that there could be more to come. Will there? Maybe not....but she does well to educate herself. And she does well....to know the signs.

Simply put........... There are no simple answers for victims. Each case can be a little different than someone elses. Abuse in this society is where it is at today.....because too many victims allow it to go on. And that means.......nip it in the bud from the get go. Smile Sorry you don't understand that.
0 Replies
 
OCCOM BILL
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Feb, 2005 09:17 am
That's a hell of a lot nicer response than I considered posting, Brooke. Another apologist (at best) Charms can do without. Confused
0 Replies
 
theanonymouse
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Feb, 2005 09:25 am
well from a viewpoint of someone who has worked with Family Court and Probation Service dealing with these matters. He would probably with hindsight have thought he should have let them get on with it.

In Family Court I have come across, I am sorry to say the worst and nastiest behaviour coming from the ladies! of our species.

They wanted to be equal, well would anyone have said anything if a male had a bruise from a woman. I think not!!
0 Replies
 
JustBrooke
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Feb, 2005 09:27 am
OCCOM BILL wrote:
That's a hell of a lot nicer response than I considered posting, Brooke. Another apologist (at best) Charms can do without. Confused


Hey you http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v37/heavens_just_a_kiss_away/hug.gif

Oh, I had a very difficult time with that post. I had to walk away more than once, because it was hard to be nice. :wink:
0 Replies
 
JustBrooke
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Feb, 2005 09:36 am
theanonymouse wrote:


In Family Court I have come across, I am sorry to say the worst and nastiest behaviour coming from the ladies! of our species.

They wanted to be equal, well would anyone have said anything if a male had a bruise from a woman. I think not!!



So, you think equality means that women should shut up and take a few bruises along the way? Rolling Eyes

You are VERY wrong if you think that women can get away with abuse. There are a great amount of women arrested in my county for abuse. Some of those cases have been because they grabbed the man.

Times are changing, my friend. Abuse is being reported by both sexes on a much broader scale than ever before. As it should be.

Bad behavior knows no gender. I am sorry to say that when someone is treated poorly through force.....MALE or FEMALE, and it goes unreported, all that does is send a signal to the person doing the abuse, that it's ok. In that respect, the victim shares some responsibility as to the rampant abuse in our society.

Domestic Violence Hotline for MEN 1-888-743-5754
0 Replies
 
OCCOM BILL
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Jan, 2006 03:48 am
(((((((((Charms)))))))))) How's it going girl?
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Jan, 2006 09:10 am
How odd. I was wondering about that the other day.
0 Replies
 
Shaye
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Feb, 2006 07:58 am
charms Leave before it's too late.The more you excuse it or let it happen the harder it becomes to leave.Leave before years go by and you're still in the same situation or things become worse,and they probably will.Good luck and think about your happiness.Shaye
0 Replies
 
OCCOM BILL
 
  1  
Reply Wed 19 Apr, 2006 02:25 am
((((Charms)))) Hope you're doing well, darlin.
0 Replies
 
Mark-Spark
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Dec, 2014 11:06 am
@Charms,
Hi Charm, I think I will take a slightly different approach than the other comments.

"You say that you disagreed with his cousin and a heafty debate followed". What positive outcome did you get out of that debate? Did you convince your husbands cousin that woman should not be obedient to their husband? Did you learn something new about the woman role in the relationship. I think not.

You and your husband can not know each other very well if you after 7 yeas together don't know that he dislikes like you engaging in debates with his family. Furthermore you either cannot read signs that he was uncomfortable with the discussion or you chose to ignore the signals from him. Were you all drinking?

Why did you need to "win" this argument. You do not need to agree with your husbands cousin (or anybody else) about male / female gender roles. It is up to the couple to organise themselves as they want. If you meet a man / woman who is not a match then leave and find an other.

URL: http://able2know.org/reply/post-1103656
0 Replies
 
Mark-Spark
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Dec, 2014 11:35 am
@Charms,
Hi Charm, I think I will take a slightly different approach than the other comments.

"You say that you disagreed with his cousin and a heafty debate followed". What positive outcome did you get out of that debate? Did you convince your husbands cousin that woman should not be obedient to their husband? Did you learn something new about the woman role in the relationship. I think not.

You and your husband can not know each other very well if you after 7 yeas together don't know that he dislikes like you engaging in hefty debates with his family. Furthermore you either cannot read signs that he was uncomfortable with the discussion, or you chose to ignore the signals from him. Were you all drinking?

Why did you need to "win" this argument. You stress the fact that "you ware starting to win the debate". Why was that important to you? It was not a public hearing on womans rights. It was not televised or communicated in a broader setting. Nobody can remember what you, or any body else said that day. You should not debate strongly with your in-laws family, or any other group where a personal conflict has consequences for you or someone you love, unless it is the accepted norm within the group.

About the subject that you were discussing: "you do not need to agree with your husbands cousin (or anybody else) about male / female gender roles". It is up to the individual couple to organise themselves as they want. If your husband's cousin is a male chauvinistic jerk and his wife loves it, who are you to say that they are wrong. Life is full of choices. If you meet a man / woman who is not a match for you, then leave and find an other. You have just learnt something about your husband and maybe yourself. You should talk to your husband about that and see if you still think your are a match together.
roger
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Dec, 2014 01:08 pm
@Mark-Spark,
Thanks for reviving this ancient thread. Charms was really liked around here, and I wish she had stayed longer.
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Wed 3 Dec, 2014 09:21 pm
@roger,
I just read the entire thread again, roger. Many people responded who aren't here anymore - sad! We were quite a nice community back then.....
0 Replies
 
HesDeltanCaptain
 
  0  
Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2015 08:18 am
@Charms,
Divorce him and find someone who doesn't treat you like cattle.
0 Replies
 
 

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