Me Too

The cannon of beauty for men

A cannon

The assumption of male power is a contradiction. In the MeToo movement. There are lots of cases where there is an actual power imbalance; boss employee, senator staffer. A growing number of these favor women.

But in cases where a man and a woman are in a social situation with no hieraechy, should it be assumed that the man has more power?

This seems to be a theme in these narratives and me power is assumed even in cases where women have authority.

If the goal is equality, the assumption should be that women and men have equal power and equal responsibility outside of an established hierarchy (workplace or political)

I teach my daughter that she has the power and the responsibility in her relationships

I always confuse these two words, irrespective of the topic.

I don't believe Pachelbel had an actual cannon.

Power imbalance is very important. I am thinking and reading more about it. The discussion around the controversial cases (such as Aziz) revolve around whether the power imbalance was real. In cases where the power imbalance is clear (such as Weinstein) there is near unanimous agreement.

This is a cognitive bias; the automatic belief that there is always a power imbalance that always favors men. In the case of female guards being seen as not responsible with male prisoners it is very clear, as it in the the under-reporting of female perpetrators of sexual abuse. I think this cognitive is the biggest flaw in the MeToo movement. There is an unwillingness to separate actual cases of imbalance of power from the perceived imbalance of power due to gender roles.

Now we are starting to get reports of powerful women sexually assaulting male employees. It will be interesting to see how this works with a movement based on the assumed gender of perpetrators. MeToo is predicated on the idea that perpetrators are male. This is inconsistent with a goal of challenging gender stereotypes.

There is a difference between desiring someone because of their power (or perceived power) and being forced to do something because of someone's power.

We're sad that the bullshit of people using power to get their way / abuse others - is still accepted. We thought that was over and done with.

Turns out younger women and men were hiding it, just as we did. Friends of mine thought they'd brought their children up in a way that they wouldn't put up with the crap. Finding out that things were/are the same for their children and grandchildren makes them sad.

There are some men and women in my circle (mostly in the 50 - 70 age range) who almost seem to be grieving about what they now know has happened to their children/partners.

___

There has also been some glee for some when someone big is taken down - but it's not really about the people at the top. It's about middle-management/police/politicians/media. That's where the majority of the problems are in the real world.

Of course. My point is simply that it's difficult to disentangle power and sex, because power is sexy, amongst us mammals.

For instance, it would be anti-natural and in my view downright antisocial to discourage relationships with a power imbalance between the boy and the girl. The quintessential love story involves a poor shephard and a princess, or vice versa Cinderella and her prince. You can't make Cinderella illegal.

So you say.

you can write other stories

just because something is a historical artifact doesn't make it desirable

Yes, you're grieving a sense of innocence, of levity in gender relations. I note that Canada has been hit hard, of late. It's easy to think that it only happens to others, elsewhere. But in truth it happens everywhere.

Sports for instance... Its only the beginning, what we've heard so far in the sport world...

It is also painful when the accusation hits someone you like, an actor you enjoyed seeing for instance.

Like what? Stories where the bride and groom are strictly equal socially? What's the fun of that?

and once again

...

there is a difference between attraction based on power and being forced to do things because of a power differential

Of course. That's my point in fact: willful relationships may be power-imbalanced and still perfectly okay, whereas forced relationships are not okay.

https://theblackwallsttimes.com/2018/02/08/the-purposeful-silencing-of-black-women-in-educational-leadership/
“Aggressive.”
“Strong-willed.”
“Passionate”
— have been words falsely labeled as simple descriptors when in actuality, they are evidence of the continued sexism and racism that plagues our society. Women in leadership have always faced adversity and are still seen as second-rate citizens in our country. We see this play out on a national level, but we also see this through daily interactions with those of privilege.

Naively and ignorantly, I believed that we as women shared the same experience. It wasn’t until I was under the leadership of an incredible, Black, female leader, that I realized I was horribly wrong.

During my three years as a middle school English teacher in Tulsa, Okla. I had the opportunity to work under the tutelage of a phenomenal Black, female principal. She embodied the vision of not only equality but equity for our scholars, and she specifically combated the school-to-prison-pipeline narrative through our restorative justice program.

She worked tirelessly and fiercely on behalf of her students. Yet, through several interactions and conversations I observed, she was unfairly labeled as

“too difficult to work with” or “too pushy.”
As a Black woman in a white male/white female dominated arena, her experience is utterly different than those who enjoy the perks of privilege and one all too well-known by her fellow Black women leaders.

One such example that comes to mind is a meeting I attended as a Special Education teacher. Our principal was explaining to a district-level worker (a white female) that one of our scholars needed additional behavioral assistance due to several concerning situations which our school was not qualified to address. We were then told the district did not have the financial resources to help “all students,” and we would have to make due.

As our principal was advocating for our scholar, the employee begins to talk over her, turns to me and asks me to “reason with her.” I can’t help but wonder if our principal had been white or male, would she have been deemed as “unreasonable”?

As I’ve known our principal and as we’ve discussed her experiences as a black, female leader, she’s shared various memories that she’s given me permission to share. She recalls a time when she had to ask the Assistant Principal, an African-American man, to lead certain conversations with district-level employees because she knew her voice would not be heard and our scholars would lose opportunities as a result.

She also describes a conversation with another Black woman who told her that her long braids were “unprofessional” for a principal. Too often to count, she’s been told by fellow colleagues that her voice is “too stern” or her approach is “too dominant.”

She has faced discrimination from all sides, and yet she still continues. When I asked her why she remains committed to her work as a principal in Tulsa, she said,

“I want our young, black women to know they don’t have to change who they are because of what our society tells them to be. They may not be accepted for who they are, but that is not their responsibility. They need to see black women in leadership who refuse to let prejudice dictate how they will live their life. I want them to own who they are because we need them.”

It is not the responsibility of black women to tailor who they are and how they express themselves because of our white and male-dominated society.

It is not the right of others to label anyone as “too” of anything.

We need black women in leadership.

Our country is evidence of that right now. We need our young, black, female scholars to see their reflection in leadership and to see how each of them can make our nation better.

Becca Lais received her undergraduate in Peace Studies, Gender Studies, and Philosophy. She moved to Tulsa as a member of Teach for America, and she taught English for 6th-8th scholars in North Tulsa. She is currently finishing her masters in Social Work at the University of Oklahoma-Tulsa, and she plans to use her masters to work in advocacy and community practice. She is a proud Feminist, and she is dedicated to fighting for equality and equity. She believes in empowering the youth to use their voice for change and justice in their own lives and in their community.

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Second death.

In France, a new magazine tried to make some buzz by publishing a sloppy article about a 1997 story involving the most popular minister in the current government: Nicolas Hulot (ecology). Hulot denies any wrongdoing, and it appears he's right.

The magazine is now accused -- eg by fellow minister Marlène Schiappa (gender equality) -- of intrumentalizing #MeToo, and undermining it, like Babe.net was in the US after they published the Aziz Anshari story.

My first sexual assault occurred when I was Nine. It was a summer, I was with two neighbor kids (Ricky and Kenny age 7 and 9). We were in and out of each others yards and played all the time. Their grandfather was visiting one summer and he was always very nice to us. One afternoon we were in the kitchen washing our hands and getting drinks of water, their Mom was in a deep sleep about 15 ft away. That man pinned me against the counter and in front of the boys began to violate me. I was lucky to get away quickly but on my way back home (2 doors away) I was panicking. Dad was home and I wanted to tell him but my 9 year old mind told me Dad would beat the living tar out of him, and for some reason I was afraid my Dad would be the one arrested because he was younger and much stronger than that old pervert.

My point here is not that I wanted to protect the abuser, I feared for my Dad's reaction, I hid the bruises from my mother (she would have told my Dad) and I didn't want anymore awfulness. Children are not equipped to deal with these types of assault. I wanted it to go away, and ultimately, at least that time I lucked out by just being bruised.......not every child escapes with only those injuries.

I wish the issue of sexual assault could be separated from gender politics.

It's a classic case of why these things go unreported.