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Using someone or emotional cheating?

 
 
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2017 08:51 pm
Husband is 'friends' with girl who he claims he is using as drink buddy and free nights out?
 
tibbleinparadise
 
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Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2017 09:00 pm
@usedtobehonest,
What is the question?
usedtobehonest
 
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Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2017 09:52 pm
@tibbleinparadise,
Do you believe him or investigate ?
All indications are that he loves me and just wants night out for free, but also lots of things are 'not being said' and finding out later that she 'is in love' with him. His texts and conversations don't indicate he feels the same but i'm afriad to believe him.
tibbleinparadise
 
  3  
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2017 10:04 pm
@usedtobehonest,
I don't personally feel there is a problem with opposite sex friendships, so long as all parties are being honest. Your husband has obviously, at the very least, not discouraged his female friend from coming on to him. He's participating by letting it happen. I feel like you need to have a conversation with your husband and communicate that it makes you really uncomfortable that he hasn't shut down these advances. The female friendship isn't so much the issue, but the fact that this one isn't respecting the marriage and that he isn't defending it.

He may end it, he may not. It's up to you what you're willing to live with.
usedtobehonest
 
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Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2017 10:16 pm
@tibbleinparadise,
I have talked with him about confronting her feelings. He said he told her and that she is unwilling to acknowledge his marital commitments. Again I don't know wether to believe that he actually had that conversation or not. I Have voiced my feelings as to their continued friendship with her ( and sometomes his) lack of respect for how I feel. Apparently he is unwilling to be done with his drinking nights out! Which is what makes me question everything?
PUNKEY
 
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Reply Wed 27 Sep, 2017 05:49 am
@usedtobehonest,
Because SHE has apparently has crossed the "friends" line, your husband should distance himself from her.

Either he is giving mixed messages or is leading her on, she's not honoring his marriage vows. So he has to be very clear.

I have a feeling he likes the adulation and excitement of working up two women.
.
0 Replies
 
tibbleinparadise
 
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Reply Wed 27 Sep, 2017 09:35 am
@usedtobehonest,
You don't need to question anything, you have your answers. Go to marriage counseling, either with him or alone (make sure he knows about the appointments). I'm not condoning his behavior, but there is generally a reason guys start seeking attention from outside the marriage. Counseling can help both of you navigate through why this is happening.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
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Reply Wed 27 Sep, 2017 09:38 am
@usedtobehonest,
usedtobehonest wrote:
Apparently he is unwilling to be done with his drinking nights out!


why aren't you going out with him? have you asked him to go out with you?
usedtobehonest
 
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Reply Fri 29 Sep, 2017 08:47 am
@ehBeth,
Tried that and he was happy to have me there, then happier to have both of us there but of course she was fumed and made an excuse that she was mad about something else. The night ended in her back handing him across the face she was so mad.
Also, just doesn't work as he wants to drink every other night and we have 4 kids to take care.
ehBeth
 
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Reply Fri 29 Sep, 2017 09:30 am
@usedtobehonest,
usedtobehonest wrote:
Also, just doesn't work as he wants to drink every other night and we have 4 kids to take care.


you do realize that this is a bigger problem than who he is drinking with

____


there are four children for him to be responsible for when he is not working

he needs to make time for the children and you well before he considers going out for any reason

do you get nights out on your own each week?
do you have date night each week?

forget about that woman - get things sorted with your husband
usedtobehonest
 
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Reply Fri 29 Sep, 2017 09:51 am
@ehBeth,
Yes, 'I' realize there are much bigger issues, he does not however. Will not admit that there are any other problems. The drinking thing has been a big issue for me for about 15 years off and on. Honestly, there are so, so many more vital issues here than I have time to write. I just feel lately like this 'friendship' is crashing down the rest of what I left. And, honestly, the drinking is going to kill my husband (autoimmune disease). I don't want her taking him from me any earlier than he already has.
0 Replies
 
 

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