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I need help understanding these texts from the girl I like, I don't know if it's a joke or real.

 
 
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2016 02:20 pm
I (female) have been texting my friend and lately she has said some questionable things like does she really mean that. And I want to see what others think about it, to make sure I'm not exaggerating or not understanding or something. But pretty much the conversation I just had went like:
She said we should get matching tattoos, I said Pudge the fish from Lelo and stitch jokingly and she said we would get weird looks and " you would get so many questions like what is that??? And you be like its a matching tattoo with a random girl I don't like 😂" so I said "I would, that'd be kinda funny. *and I'd be like its a matching tattoo with an amazing girl I did this for.* They'd be like you messed up, I'd be like maybe but it was worth it." and somehow she called me her girlfriend and crazy stuff happened, I just wanna know if she is totally joking or not. Comment if interested in helping please!!
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Unknown17
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2016 02:44 pm
@Unknown17,
And P.S. I'll give more information too, like the exact texts.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2016 02:49 pm
@Unknown17,
So much of this is random/ambiguous that it's really impossible to tell.

How about more straightforward texting?
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2016 02:57 pm
@Unknown17,
Quote:
and crazy stuff happened
Hmmm....
Unknown17
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2016 03:05 pm
@jespah,
We were talking about getting matching tattoos.
Her: "Ok I'll get the little fishy 😊😊"
Me: "Jk I'm not gonna have a random sandwich with a bite out of on me forever lol"
Her: "Ok but you would get so many questions like what is that??? And you be like its a matching tattoo with a random girl I don't like 😂"
Me: "I would, that'd be kinda funny. *and I'd be like its a matching tattoo with an amazing girl I did this for.* They'd be like you messed up, I'd be like maybe but it was worth it."
Her: "Exactly I am?? Like you texted me and Kerri was like someone texted you and I was like its KC and she was like that your girlfriend?? And I was like bitch yes she is 😂😂"
Me: "exactly!"
Her: "I feel like everyone already knows that we together"
Me: "They should, I'll tell them if they don't know"
Her: "Yeah so no one will have to wonder"
And in another conversation she said "Oh you are the sweetest #relationshipgoals", I said "Only to certain people haha" and she said "Hannah agrees that you are bae but I told her your mine so 👌 anyway what you doing?"
Unknown17
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2016 03:07 pm
@Leadfoot,
Meaning we kept text things of that nature and I was not totally certain what happened, but it happened.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2016 03:36 pm
@Unknown17,
If she claims you are hers, you might want to ask her WTF that actually means. Her friend? Her possible girlfriend?

Things like this should not be so unclear.
Unknown17
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2016 04:19 pm
@jespah,
I just want to make sure I'm not overthinking it or that it's just me that thinks it's a little odd. I don't want to risk my friendship with her and be disappointed if she doesn't feel the same, and she is the only girl I have ever liked. So I don't want to admit it and then have deal with her knowing I like girls. Maybe that makes me a bad person or just chicken, idk.
I appreciate you helping me.
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2016 05:18 pm
@Unknown17,
All of what you posted is comprehensible to me (I have a 15 year old and text with her often and her friends occasionally plus am on Instagram etc.) but it's not clearly on one side or another.

Girls totally do that when they are not actually looking for anything. So even though that seems super-flirtatious, it might just be messing around with nothing behind it. If you don't want her to know you're actually into (some) girls probably just keep escalating a little bit until things become all the way clear; if you do it gradually enough, and she follows (or leads!) then if it goes over the edge a little (she doesn't seem to be following you anymore) you can just walk it back ("haha jk" <change subject>)

You can also just tell her but I'm assuming you're pretty young and something that bald-faced probably won't go over very well, especially if she's not into it.
Unknown17
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2016 07:16 pm
@sozobe,
Yes that's what I've been doing, just slowly going with it till something happens I guess. I just hate not knowing and can be a little bit impatient. And I was thinking, what if she doesn't even know, maybe she feels something but doesn't know if she is gay? Same as me I was in denial for a long time that I could ever like another girl.
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2016 07:21 pm
@Unknown17,
Yeah, this stuff just can't be rushed unfortunately. (She might be bi, too -- attracted to both girls and guys.)

I don't know enough about the situation (and can't know enough about the situation even if you write a novel) to say anything conclusive about what she feels. Just that from what you quoted I can see it going either way.

My main advice is to keep tabs on how you're feeling and don't be patient forever. You can't rush a positive outcome but you don't want to have an unrequited crush forever either -- if it's not happening, at some point you'll have to either force the issue (as gently and with as many potential outs for her as possible) or just plain move on.

Good luck!
Unknown17
 
  2  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2016 10:29 pm
@sozobe,
Thank you for your help
0 Replies
 
Unknown17
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2016 03:48 pm
@Unknown17,
So I don't know if someone will actually get this but this "joke" or whatever this is escalated. She put in her bio (things about you) on Instagram (social media) "6-4-16 💞💞" which was the day those texts were sent and the day she called me her girlfriend. And she said "go check my bio" and I did and was like awww and she said I'm just kidding, but you know I'm not taking it off. I've never been more confused in my life!
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 07:53 am
@Unknown17,
Maybe she means it! SHE seems to be doing the escalating and "just kidding" when it seems to go too far, so maybe do a little escalating yourself to see what happens.

Slowly though. I can still totally see it going either way.
Unknown17
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 09:59 am
@sozobe,
The crazy thing is I don't know how else to escalate anymore, we hold hands all the time, sit close, text and snapchat, she texts me almost everyday, and she says stuff like "that's what our kid is gonna look like" and "that's us in the future". But we haven't made anything clear, and she still occasionally talks about guys. And she has been snapchating a guy lately. She tells me stories about guys asking if she was gay and her response is almost always "probably, you probably right". So it's like she is interested in me and other people at the same time??
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 11:29 am
@Unknown17,
Sure, that's not unusual. (Again I'm assuming that you are high school or so -- if you're a lot older my advice may change.)

While what we see of romance in books and movies and such is often pretty linear because it makes for a more satisfying plot, that's not how it usually works in real life. While there are exceptions, it doesn't usually happen that person A is utterly in love with person B and is not interested in anyone else at all until the union of person A and B finally occurs. I held on to this realization from when I was a teenager (didn't want to forget it) and have seen it in action all of the time with my daughter (15) and her friends.

So many people view things through this prism and that skews things. It's more likely that person A thinks B is cute and loves her conversations with C and when D winked at her the other day that really set her heart fluttering and while B is the one that makes her heart glow it's so fun to flirt with C and D and does A really want to be in a committed relationship at all right now? Or keep her options open and flirt with all of these awesome people and whoa check out E!

You get the idea.

Maybe B will win out -- but it's not necessarily linear. A doesn't necessarily think one single thing at all times and just do a poor job of articulating that one thing.

So I still don't have any real advice, sorry. Again, I just can't know all the details that are pertinent -- only you do.

In terms of escalating, if you were actually dating you'd be doing more than the things you say, right? If so, what are they? Do a few of 'em. (Slowly, with the walkback option.)
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 11:43 am
@sozobe,
The thing that drives me crazy as a bystander is when A and B do like each other but they won't admit it to each other and A decides B doesn't actually like her and so she moves on to someone else. So that's my own bias.

That said, I was in one of those relationships in high school. Everyone assumed we were dating, we hung out all the time, we were "best friends," I was wildly attracted to him and it was mutual but we kept just missing each other in terms of actually dating and both of us thought we were in each others' friendzone. Nothing ever happened. We admitted that it actually had been mutual well after the fact (when we were both in new, committed relationships) and he's still a good friend, 27 years on. I'm sporadically in touch with one ex but generally I have no contact with other former boyfriends. If this guy and I had actually hooked up, would we still be friends today?

It's all so hard to know. Trust your gut.
Unknown17
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 12:58 pm
@sozobe,
I appreciate your opinion anyway, and I'll be a senior in high school next year. All through out my life I've never been very attached to people and didn't like people touching me, and my best friend since elementary is a guy. But I was never close to girls, friends or more, so I feel like I've missed out on understanding them even with me being a girl. Point of me telling you this is, she is the first one and girl I've ever let close to me and she's one of the only ones I will let close to me, and she credits herself for opening me up to more people which is true.
And I think she might be scared to make our relationship public too, she has always cared more about what others think than me. I think when I get back from my week vacation I'm just going to ask her if she would consider dating a girl and hopefully it won't ruin things and I hope I won't chicken out.
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 01:15 pm
@Unknown17,
That all makes a lot of sense, thanks for the additional info! I completely get what you're saying about having a hard time understanding girls even though you are one.

Sounds like you're at the point where increments won't cut it anymore and you want some answers. Have you thought about what your follow-up will be if you ask her if she'd consider dating a girl and she says "yes"?

Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Unknown17
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 01:55 pm
@sozobe,
I probably should have ideas about what to say after that but I really don't, I'm not good with words. She just texted me a picture of a frog holding/hugging a fish and it said "when they say there's plenty of fish in the sea, but she's your fish" and I was just like "Aye I like that 😊". She replied "me too it's so cute 😂 And true af" and all I could think to say was "yeah, it is". I suck at this
 

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