I don't know what to do about my somewhat cheating situation.

Reply Tue 29 Aug, 2017 07:33 pm
Ive been with my boyfriend (let's call him Tommy) for almost 4 years. We met in high school (I was a sophomore, he was a senior so he's two years older than me) and we are now attending college together. He's incredibly smart, funny, he treats me like a princess. I love him to pieces and I don't know what I would do without him. Everyone always says that if they had a relationship, they would hope its like ours, but our relationship isn't perfect.
He's captain of the speech and debate team at our school. He has a lot of friends there and I've grown fairly close to all of them. One, especially, Zack. Zack and I have a lot in common, we have both gone through a lot of similar ****. We both struggle with depression and anxiety. We have been texting for a couple months and Zack has told me a lot about himself. He told me that he has this fetish... where he likes to play "the bull." He likes to be the "other man." He told me that he wants to be my other man...
I never thought I would be the one to cheat. I've been cheated on and it hurt so badly, so why would I do that? But Zack excites me. My relationship with Tommy has fallen flat and Zack makes it fun again. Zack and I haven't even done anything in person. We have "sexted" and we have planned meetings to do things but they always fall through... mainly because I know what to say to make him not want to come, so he cancels and I don't have to.
I want to do things with Zack but I'm also afraid. I'm afraid of what happens afterwards. Will it happen again and again and again? Will the lies get to my head? Will I have to break up with Tommy? Will Tommy find out and break up with me? I don't want to break his heart but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to end things with Zack and I don't know if I want to. I want him so badly but I also want my relationship with Tommy, a beautiful relationship that I don't want to ruin. He would not only lose me but he would lose one of his best friends.
Should I tell Tommy right now before things happen between Zack and me? What do I do about Zack?
I don't want to be called this horrible person that I feel like so please don't berate me. I don't know what to expect from this forum thing.
Reply Tue 29 Aug, 2017 08:55 pm
If you drop Tommy , then Zack won't be the "other man", will he? You really believe that rubbish?

Why would you risk losing a nice guy for one who is anxious snd depressed?
Reply Tue 29 Aug, 2017 09:04 pm
You're right, I'm just confused. I don't want to "drop" Tommy. And I realize that the excitement I feel now will dissipate if I was with Zack indefinitely.
The whole anxious and depression part... well, Zack understands my anxiety and depression. Tommy doesn't. I try to help him understand but I feel alone when I do.
Reply Wed 30 Aug, 2017 05:49 am
Is Zack a therapist? No, didn't think so. "Understanding" doesn't mean he is helping you to cope or be more resilient. He's just being an audience.

You need to see a professional to help you with the anxiety and depression, not a co- afflicted person.
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Reply Fri 1 Sep, 2017 05:33 pm
I don't think the fetish means as much as their character. If he is trustworthy to you and if you think he will cheat. All long term sexual relationships usually require compromises from both parties. I would be grateful he is not into some more off the wall.
My wife recently started like bondage stuff and it's not something I like much. I know how important gratification is like that so I started making an effort. I watch more videos on that stuff to learn and just made an effort to adapt for her.
I think if what he likes is something you just can't handle then you might be better ending things. His desire for the fetish won't just go away. If it's something that you are a little scared by then let him know why you're a little apprehensive about trying it. If you are willing to compromise then he should be too and not try to force something new like that in you at full force. If you worked though it you could develop a much deeper sexual relationship together.

That being said, his specific fetish seems like it would make him more likely to cheat. Sexual fixation comes and goes. He might not even be into that in a year or two and he might even just work it out of his system until he get bored with it.

You seem pretty competent and level headed. Approach with caution and trust your gut
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Reply Sat 9 Sep, 2017 08:48 pm
I will tell you one simple truth, Zack admires your relationship and wants to have a taste of your pudding... once he's have hit, you will lose tommy and had been a fun thing for Zack. .. moreover he isn't a good friend to tommy... girl use that head you've got,be wise
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Reply Mon 2 Oct, 2017 09:20 am
Thinking with your hormones - typical. Unless you have an IQ of 65, you know what you should do.

In any event, I hope your boyfriend ditches you before it's too late.
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