We have both addmitted to cheating. Can we work it out?

Reply Tue 15 Aug, 2017 07:37 am
How everyone, this is the first time I post in a forum of any kind but I need help. Last few days have been a rollercoaster of emotion because in the same day my partner I have both admitted infidelity.

Myself and my partner love each other more than anything, I know that. We were going to move in together in September, already planning and getting excited about everything. It wasn't always like that. When we first started dating I was still into someone else and I boke it off after 4 weeks on that basis because I didn't want to lie to him. I was confused what to do. For about a month we kept in touch and I realised the other guy is a a$$whole and and I want to be with my current partner. Since then our love has blossomed tremendously.

Two days ago at a stag and he was drunk and he kissed someone. He also says that he pulled back once he realised what he's doing. He told me the next day and I got extremely upset. I decided I want us to stay together and it also prompted me to share my own secret. I told him that during those initial 4 weeks when I was in a confused state I slept with my best friend (girl) and he flipped. We've had endless arguments about whose it worse. I say his happened at the hight of our love and it makes me doubt he will never do it again. He's hurt because mine is more sexual and I hid it from him for a year. I am also hurt because he knows how much I need him right now and his betrayal comes at a bad time - few months ago I had an abortion. Since then I struggle because to some extend I blame him. So I see a betrayal from someone who now says he loves me more than the world and for whom I've made such sacrifices. He is hurt by my dishonesty because I hadn't told you for a whole year and it was sex.

We have both done something wrong and terrible and hurt each other. We've eroded each other's trusts. What are your takes on this? Can a relationship recover from this? What can we do to fix this?

Thank you all!
Reply Tue 15 Aug, 2017 07:59 am
Ah, counseling. It's tailor-made for a situation precisely like yours.

Seriously - you both need to sort this out with an impartial professional. I wouldn't move in just yet if I were you.
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Reply Tue 15 Aug, 2017 11:34 am
WHO did he kiss at a stag party? Ickkkk, if it was one of the strippers.

Your tryst was before comitting to him, so back off making this an issue. Why did you bring it up - as a 'gotcha'?

Sounds like there are issues, but these two events are not at the forefront.

Yup, counseling is in order.
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Reply Tue 15 Aug, 2017 11:40 am
1. kissing someone is not infidelity
2. having sex with someone when not in a committed relationship is not infidelity

Neither of you cheated.

You both sound pretty young and prone to drama.

Stay where you are living - away from each other - and start counselling (particularly if you are not already in post-abortion counselling - you don't seem to be managing that well). Perhaps as a couple, perhaps individually as well.

Minor blips can be worked out but yeah, you actually have to both work at it.

Take some time to work through it all.

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