Trying to understand homosexuality..Please advise

betrayed123 - Welcome to A2K! I have known gay men who talk about their relationships with straight women, but I could not say about straight men.

A person can be in the closet, even though he is married, and has children. Many gay men may be confused about their sexuality, and marry because it is the thing to do. But they may still harbor homosexual feelings towards other men. Some men have these feelings, but don't act upon them. Some may not even recognize, or will admit to themselves that that have these feelings. There are others who are married, and have extramarital gay affairs.

The thing that both scenarios have in common, is that the man is gay, but he has not come out and announced that fact to his family and friends.

Betrayed123
Don't understand your question, calm down, have a cup of tea and be a bit clearer. I'm a straight woman.....but my brother and best friend are gay men, and I've seen it all! I'm going to make dinner now (had a tough day at the office) but I will think about it, and come back to you later. But don't be sad or hasty, in my experience, you will get many replies, and sound advice

Sarah Morgan
Thanks for the concern. I've just finished a day with 8 preschoolers...my morning commute took me two hours because of an accident...and my head is spinning.
My ex-boyfriend is not only a cad..but I found out he was going to strip clubs, having sex with these women in special rooms, and probably into "men"...
During our relationship he told me he loved me we had shared intimate moments then suddenly he didn't have chemistry for me...
So now I'm trying to understand ..I realized that this nice Catholic, leader in the community is a total imposter Of course, I became part of his extended family...close to his mother and kids.....now that the holidays are here I'm at odds..

The Catholic, leader of the community aspect could be a big part of it. If he is gay, or bisexual, and has that kind of a background and public role, it's all the more difficult for him to come out.

I doubt coming out is ever easy, but it's that much harder if the person is in an atmosphere that is hostile towards homosexuality/ sees it as a sin.

It sounds like it's not really your business at this point, though...? Not sure how the holidays fit into it...

I think, Soz, that perhaps the holidays are making Betrayed feel worse - ie she used to spend such times with the exes family?

That would make sense.

And 8 preschoolers would drive anyone batty! :-) (Says the mom of one preschooler handful...)

Yes...I was like a member of the family...We loved and respected each other....through this I realized I couldn't have an unconditional relationship with him. (I can be somewhat of an idealist) ..we were best friends..its funny..I asked him if he was gay or asexual...honesty...!!!!

Yes..the holidays remind me of last year and how nice it was being with his family..My family is thousands of miles away...
I feel so stupid...Okay...I'm going to stop beating myself up..

I would never believe that sexual addiction would ever darken my doorway.....

Personally I do believe the reason they hide in the closet is because they know it is not natural, nature tells us that homosexuality is not on, and so if a man or women decides to be gay they have this inner voice telling them, no, its not on....so eventually they convince themselves its allright and bam, their out of the "closet". The closet is the time of conflict within themselves seeing whether it is bad or not, once they came out they basically convinced themselves of the lie and believed it....but in the entire thing of straight guys and homosexual guys speaking about their relationships, it is highly unlikely....but hey, thats my opinion....

furiousflee:
Your words just validated all my suspicions...this guy is so much in denial...He actually took pleasure in telling me a guy was "gay"...I guessed he sensed I was intrigued...all these red lights!!!!I must be more alert in the future..

You see, I believe that homosexuality is perversion manifested into action, and your inner being which knows no lie will tell you the same, so therefor moving out of the closet is just walking to accepting this perversion in your life....I have not met a gay man that is entirely happy, because his concience is always bugging him...and I have some gay friends so I observe their behaviour, and all my speculations have not been proven wrong....up to date....

Well, It ain't gonna be long, FF - especially if you drop a few of your preconceptions.

FF ..right on....At the end of the day we all know its just ain't natural...sorry if this offends anybody...I'm biblically based...(the one true word is God's...

No - we DON'T all "know" any such thing.

Especially those of us who know anything about biology and natural history.

But - I shall save my breath...

So if the little red fire-engine doesn't park in the little red fire-engine house it's a sin instead of a parking violation? Must be a penal code I am not familiar with. Perhaps it's a local zoning violation. Tort reform is needed NOW!

Not natural?
Someone skipped at least a few classes in biology.

well, you got your insert-ee and your insert-er, that's about all I know.

The bible also says it's wrong to wack off.

I'm going to hell.

so what are those double-ended doo-hickeys for?

Now I am quite puzzled.... I am trying to read in between the lines.

First of all, you said that if your ex-boyfriend is "going to strip clubs, having sex with these women in special rooms" . Then you worry if he is gay?

This doesn't make much sense, since if his sexual orientation were the problem... well it seems like a contradiction to me.

But anyway, it seems to me that you are worrying way too much about the personal life of your "ex-boyfriend". If your boyfriend were having sex with anyone in special rooms, that would be a problem. But (if you can pardon my bluntness) what the heck do you care about the sex life of your ex-boyfriend?

Do you let your ex-boyfriends control your sex life?