what is this?

Hi everyone

I am a woman in my late 20s. I am married. My husband has been the love of my life. He was picture perfect since the beginning. He is the most handsome guy ever (has been approached several times by modeling agencies) he has a strong personality, and is an alpha, which is what I like, highly intelligent, intellectual etc. We have a lot of mutual interests.
However I feel like he showed a certain side of himself in the beginning because he knew thats what I liked, and since then he has changed and doesnt show that side to himself anymore.

For the past two years of our relationship I have not been happy. He has been more and more controlling over me and my life. I was his first serious relationship, and it has been hard for him to understand the idea of being equal partners in a relationship. Being used to be a leader etc, he finds it very difficult to understand other peoples point of view.

I feel lonely and like he does not really see me or appreciate me and the efforts I make for us. I have different needs than he does. In order for me to feel attracted to anyone I have to feel extremely emotionally close to someone. Great communication, empathy, and interest in my emotions is really essential for me in order to even want to be intimate.
This has resulted in us not at all having sexual relations for over a year, because I do not want to be intimate with him. Before this we also had issues in our sex life, because I felt like he wasnt very romantic or attentive to my emotions.

On top of this, my husband has verbally and emotionally abused me. He has even gotten to the point several times where he holds me still so I cant move and screams directly at my face, and I have been afraid several times that it might escalate, but he has never hit me.
On one side he does everything for me. Regarding working hard, providing for us, being there to fix things if Im sick etc I can always count on him that he is there and takes care of me and makes sure everything goes well.
However, emotionally the situation is quite different.

I have felt embarrassed to talk about my issues in my marriage, because all my friends and family adore my husband and like I said he is picture perfect.

Recently I met a man who is a bit older than me. He was very comfortable to be around and very kind and sincere. I felt like he always noticed how I was feeling and he always was so caring, like he was the only person who really saw me. For some reason I started opening up to him about my issues in my marriage.
Other men might have taken advantage of such a situation, telling me to leave my husband, or making sexual or romantic advances towards me. This man has done neither, but has selflessly been giving me advice against his own best interest (I know that he wants to be with me)

I have never met a man like this. He is so extremely insightful about himself and his own thoughts and emotions, so emotionally mature, honest and attentive. I find myself looking at him thinking he would be an amazing husband and father. I know I have developed deeper emotions for him, and considering that I have only known him for a very short time, I dont know how my feelings will progress in the future.

This sounds very bad but I daydream about being touched by him. I just feel like it would be a completely different experience than with my husband. (I saved myself for marriage so my husband is my only sexual experience) I feel like he would be so attentive to my needs and it would be so much more romantic.

However I know that I am a person who daydreams about people a lot. I am a hopeless romantic and sometimes Im floating on a pink cloud. It has happened several times in my life that I met a boy who I fantasized about because I thought he was different than what he turned out to be. However... I feel like this situation with this man is so different. I have never had a more honest and mature connection with anyone, where I feel I can show every side to me.

My closeness with this man progressed to the point where he has been all Ive been thinking about and I started thinking about going away with him somewhere. So yesterday I told him I need to cut contact with him for a while and just focus on myself without his help. He responded that he will give me space and not contact me, just making it clear that the reason he wont contact me is because of this, and that he is still always there if I need something.

Is this real what I am feeling for this man? I am terrified that I will lose him although Im pretty sure I wont because I know how he feels. I certainly care about him and I would never want to hurt his feelings or give him false hope about something if I end up choosing to stay with my husband.

But the thing is, if I chose to be with this man, no matter how sincere and honest everything seems now, what if something would change in the future? What if it seems so much better now than what it would become?
What if this man would not be able to provide that practical safety that my husband has, or what if this man wouldnt be able to put up with my own bad behavior that my husband puts up with?

I feel like there might be essential things I could only figure out if I started an affair with this man.
I dont know Im very confused. Please help