He wants to be alone !

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Hi

I am 44. I was dating a 52- year-old man for 7 months. He works with his ex-wife and they have 2 kids who live with their mom.

I always had issues with his ex. I dont know how much was my imagination and fears and how much was really something that he should have cared. As they share the business and everything at work is very close and friendly between them. They also have 2 kids together ... for me this was difficult. too much intimacy ... They had to plan everything together. bc of work and kids.

we had some fights after 3 months dating after I noticed that she comes to family events in his sister's home, such as birthdays and ...
Then he planned with her !! that she and kids go to the events and when they want to leave call us ... we used to go after her. very late !!!!

I tried to understand it or at least accept it. But was a hard time for me.

After some time I noticed that she does less at work, sometimes she leaves everything for him at work and goes on holidays with their kids. This also gave me the feeling that she and her kids are his periority.

We had our second phase of big fights.
of course during this time I and he, both, had some stress at work and some other personal problems which made us more sensetive and tired.

Finally I asked for breakup in the middle of a fight and he accepted.
After that I talked to him several times and tried to convince him that we both had mistakes and we can make it work ... sometimes I feel he is a little bit better ... very little ... I get some hope ... but suddenly he changes his mind and gets angry saying that forget me, leave me alone and ....

Last week he said he needs some time, after some days I contacted him and he was angry that I want to be alone ... forget me

I want to know if there is any way to get him back?

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[+4] - jespah - 07/11/2017[quote="Lailala"] ... any suggestion? [/quote] Yes. Block him back and go out to meet other people. This guy is not interested unless it is 100% on his rather ungenerous terms.

Your best chance is by leaving him alone and not bugging him.

This is a 52 year old man, and you're 44?

He's acting his age, I suggest you start acting yours.

1 Reply

@chai2,

what do you mean by he is acting his age?
sometimes coming a little bit close then ... saying I want to be alone?

is this really acting his age when he was hiding his realtions with his ex ?

I want to give him some time.
I think these things happened bc of our mistakes.
We can fix it.
He says that you cant live with my ex.

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He has told you what's up: love me and all my baggage.

The "baggage" is an ex (who he sounds like he is too emotionally attached to still) the workplace complication (is she a co-owner?) , plus the kids.

So thats the package. Either accept it or he does't want to bother because it takes too much energy to have another relationship where boundaries might be demanded

Go find yourself a man who isnt so loaded down with the past. This guy is helpless and hopeless as a BF.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

yeah, She got it after divorce. So she is the co-owner.
and She left him for another man, cheating !!!

I cant understand him Sad

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@Lailala,

Lailala wrote:

This also gave me the feeling that she and her kids are his periority.

aren't they his children as well? my feeling is that they are top priority and that someone wanting to be in a relationship with someone who has children understands that. At times, that must mean putting the mother of children ahead of other people. Not always, but sometimes.

In any case, he's made the decision to proceed without you.

Time for you to reflect on what you're looking for in future relationships - and what you are willing to give/accept.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

I met him 3 times after breakup.
He behaves like he likes me, he misses me and the relationship but he says that he doesnt want it anymore. He thinks that he is not good for a relationship and better to be alone forever. He said he cant be a strong man for me and doesnt want to hurt me again.
He blocks me when I talk about my feelings and emotions or getting back to eachother. He gets angry and says I stress him with texting.
But after some days he unblock me himself without initiating a message.

I want him back Sad

any suggestion?

1 Reply

@Lailala,

Lailala wrote:

...
any suggestion?

Yes. Block him back and go out to meet other people. This guy is not interested unless it is 100% on his rather ungenerous terms.

0 Replies

@Lailala,

You are asking for a way to get back at him? - You are still moving in the opposite direction to any prospect of settling your differences then. I`m not giving you advice on how to escalate your differences. I consider his age, and your relative ages to be neither here nor there, but these circumstances of a once married guy, with kids, should be expected for right from the very beginning, if he is adequately caring that is. You are not the only person in the world!

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He wants to be alone !

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