How do you feel about people showing up uninvited?

People do it once with me.

I say, "I'm so sorry. I wish you'd called. I'm just on my way out, right now. Why don't you call to arrange a time tha's good for both of us. Goodbye."

Works like a charm.

I don't pop-in on others, and I don't want anyone popping in at my house. Ever.

I dont know whether I "love it", but a good friend is always welcome of course. You can always stop on by. I might be doing something or something, so I might not immediately sit down with you to chat with you for an hour, but yeah sure, hang out, I can talk to ya while I do the dishes.

Doesnt happen often anymore though. Coupla years back it was still the most normal thing to just drop by at each other's. But we're no longer students. People all have full agendas now, you gotta make an appointment two weeks in advance ... "yeah, Thursday afternoon in two weeks time at three I still have half an hour, shall we have lunch?" Yuk.

I got one friend who lives in a little street by my work, so sometimes when I get out of work or at lunch break or something I'll drop by, say hello. If she's dancing (she's a dancer, so she has to practice) she says so, we exchange a hug and say till next time; if shes got a mo we'll chat for a moment or if she feels like it sit down for a cuppa or go for a drink.

In my world, thats how things should be ... but these modern times, and stuff ...

It's funny, cos its the one thing people complain about who come from elsewhere, you know, people who are here from more of the east of Europe or who immigrated here from some developing country ... they make fun of the Dutch. "You've got to make an appointment to see each other!", they'll shriek (or mutter, if they're from eastern europe ;-)). "In three weeks' time, for an hour!". And then there's that thing about if you come round in a Dutch home, they'll give you one cookie from the cookietin with your tea, then close the cookietin and put it away ... always good for satire. And if you want to smoke, you're sent to the balcony ...

Apparently, we in the West have the most stringest interpretation of hospitality.

Then again, I wouldnt want it to be like what I hear about how it is with them. That you always have to welcome people, say yes and make time. Like I said, people are welcome to drop by, but if I really dont feel like it, I gotta be able to say no, and in any case I wanna be able to roughly keep doing what it was I was doing, you know?

So I guess I'm midway between them and you.

I never could stand the pop in. I used to have after bar parties often, when I was in school and we'd constantly have to tell new friends that it's invite only. Now I live in a Condo where the guard has to announce the guest, so I don't let pop-ins on the property unless I want to see them. I can see the gate from my window, so I know who it is, but they can't see if my car is here. Hell, I even got rid of my Nextel phone because I didn't like the "Direct Connect" feature. Too invasive.

Conversely, when I go to Wisconsin, I almost never tell anyone I'm coming because it's more fun to pop in on them. My dad REALLY hates it.

I don't really mind, most times. My dad frequently dropped by to admire the garden or drop off "extra" tomatoes and/or…….

I really miss that.

Most folks I know usually do call though. I might feel differently if it happened too often, especially if I felt I couldn't say "no" for some reason.

We have some great neighbours and share drinks and food pretty regularly. The guy right next door has become "like family" and is in my garage more than I am. We frequently spend hours in the driveway, garage door open, drinking beer, shootin' the breeze and watching passers-by.

"Hellooooo," I hear as he announces himself having already entered the door. "Everybody decent?" Hahah. No worries now…I just lock the door if I want privacy.

He thinks I'm getting laid.

I hate it!
In earlier days, I always would tell my friends that no one
is getting into my house without prior announcement.
If they did come anyways, then I never opened the door.
In time they adjusted.

But in later years, one odd neighbor couple came over on a Sunday morning while we were still in our PJ's and spread out
on the floor with the morning paper. Needless to say,
the couple was history soon thereafter.

Now, my house is located in a "compound" where we
also have a guard and security gates, and unlike Bill
I live so far away from the gate, no one could see if the
lights are on or not.

It seems to be a hard one to reach a happy medium on.

I've mentioned that I used to live in a housing co-op, and it was considered bad form to lock your door, so I had any of 35 other residents showing up at any time of the day or night to talk about anything, in addition to my "real" friends who would always stop by and always be let in the house by others so the first time I'd see them is when they'd be at the door of my room and I couldn't very well turn them away. I enjoyed some of it, hated a lot of it, and spent way too much time agonizing about how to get Ted to stay AWAY from my room when I was trying to get work done without hurting his feelings, for example (as my increasingly broad hints went swooshing right over his head.)

However, I do look back at that time as a miracle of sociability and closeness, and the converse of all of that dropping in was of course that I could do the same -- leave a guy I wasn't sure about asleep in my room, go down to the kitchen, and talk to several male and female housemates about what their impression of him had been and what I should do/ what I actually thought. Any time of the day or night.

I have a bit of a disconnect between what I think I want to do and what, in retrospect, I'm happy to have done... all things being equal I tend to want to spend time by myself, read a good book maybe, rather than seek out a friend to socialize. So I tend to do better overall when there is some kind of forced socialization. Our old neighbors worked out really well that way -- I'd go out to the curb to pick up the paper and see them across the street and say ugh, I just want to go inside and read the paper and eat my breakfast, but then we'd chat for a bit and then a bit more and then it would be a great conversation and we'd made plans to get the kids together later and when I did go back inside it was with a big smile on my face.

AAARRGGHH!!!

THE NEXT PERSON WHO DOES IT IS GOING TO GET FED TO THE NEIGHBOURS DOG.

Since it's a jack r ussel ( with three legs, might i add) , they will have to be chopped up first, but that's ok. i have a kitchen knife

Now I understand why there is a line for pizza delivery jobs in your area.

Yeah, it seems annoying sometimes...but it's a good kind of annoying, and when it stops I tend to miss it

I love it. Y'all come on by anytime! If I'm busy, I'll tell you, and don't be offended, okay? You know I'd rather stop and visit if I could.

Now, can I get you something to drink?

I hear ya Stand up. In my area it's the norm and it drives me nuts as well. I could never understand why people just can't call first. Since I share our home with my mom, it's impossible for me to tell them to call first. I had to set up my own little living room in a spare room upstairs because people are constantly stopping in and a lot of times it's not just a stop in, they linger all damn day and I've seen my mother scramble to figure out what she's going to feed her gang of unexpected sisters who insist on lingering through dinner. This drives me absolutely up the wall to watch my mom cater to this unexpected bunch. She doesn't know they're coming, so of course she doesn't take out extra food to feed them and this is a burden for her of course. I told her several times not to make them dinner and they will leave when they get hungry and I keep reminding her how rude it is for her sisters to do this. Then when they do call in advance (rarely), my mom takes out something for dinner that's enough to feed everyone and wouldn't you know that those are the times that they leave right before dinner. We end up eating leftovers for 3 days and it really burns my ass. I'm not as nice as my mother is and I would never put up with that.

Hey, Soz... did this co-op have a "free store"? ... Do you know Martha?

You've BEEN there??????

I may have been once, I don't recall. But my sis lived there at one time. :wink:

Montana...your mother shouldn't feel compelled to cook for uninvited guests. I just say, "It's time for our dinner now...but I'm so glad you stopped by!" and show them to the door. If anyone's ever been offended by that, it sure hasn't kept them from stopping by again, I can tell you that.

This is too too freaky.

You already told me when she was Madison. I prolly know your sister, dude. I may well have LIVED WITH your sister. Omigod.

If we want to maintain any confidentiality at all we should prolly stop here. Although you can just ask her if she knew this deaf girl at the co-op, and then...

<shaking head>

<doing calculations... Sara? No. Anne? No.>

Marge? No. Juliana? No. Lauri? No Laura? No.

I don't mind at all. Grandma always had "a little something" in case someone dropped by, so I guess it's just the way I was raised.