Happily in a relationship, but want to pursue a sexual encounter with a married man... HELP!!

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I've been happily in a relationship for over a year now. He's the sweetest person, patient, the sex is great, etc. however, last year I really got to know one of my boyfriends friends (who recently got married) and noticed there was an immediate sexual chemistry. He's been contacting me lately through social media being extremely flirtatious, but when I see him he acts shy and flirts almost like a little boy in grade school. A lot of articles give advice on cheating from the perspective of a single woman pursuing a taken man heartbroken because she wants a relationship. This doesn't apply to me though because I'm happy where I'm at and dont want to break up my or his relationship. Honestly, all I want to do is have sex with him. The fantasies have been consuming me, it's driving me up the wall. Does anyone have personal experience with this situation that can give some advice? Once I have my mind set on something I go for it.

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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 4,240 • Replies: 47

@AnonAffair,

If you're truly happy in your relationship, then don't go off and have sex with another. It could quite well lead to the end of your allegedly happy relationship.

As a matter if fact, if you're so happy why even look elsewhere?

How many more men will you encounter in the future that you just want to have sex with, while in a supposedly happy relationship?

1 Reply

@Sturgis,

We've opened up our relationship before and I've considered the possibility of being polyamorous. I don't tie sex in with emotion, I no longer believe in the concept of a soulmate rather than the capability to connect with more than one person.

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@AnonAffair,

Sounds like you probably need to not be married to anybody and pursue an open relationship.

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@AnonAffair,

All that is fine, however, what about the other man, the one who just got married? Is he in an open relationship? If not, then let him be.

If on the other hand all involved are into open relationships, talk to the guy and lethim know you're interested.

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@AnonAffair,

I was interested in a married man before who is interested in me...guess what? We did nothing about it because he's married and we only hang out with each other when other people around. What is with people who think cheating is okay? This is ridiculous. Both of you are pushing the line flirting. If I were the bf/gf of either of you, I'd leave.

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@AnonAffair,

AnonAffair wrote:

I don't tie sex in with emotion, I no longer believe in the concept of a soulmate

Does your partner know you feel those things?

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@bballislife,

bballislife wrote:

If I were the bf/gf of either of you, I'd leave.

Me too.

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@bballislife,

the fact that you'd leave someone in this situation (even though you'd probably have no knowledge of it) doesn't matter to me. In fact, if you have an issue with affairs I understand completely but if it's upsetting to you you should stay away from replying on posts that center around it. Sounds like you felt attracted to a married man (who knows if he was actually attracted to you) and nothing happened. Great for you, but those are not the kind of people I'm looking for advice from.

1 Reply

@AnonAffair,

Are you in an open relationship?

If not, talk to your partner about re-opening your relationship. Also talk to the guy you're interested in about whether he is in an open relationship.

Random ******* does not work well in relationships unless all the partners in the relationship/s are clear that they are sexually open.

Talking/communication is what can make these situations succeed. Not talking them through pretty much guarantees failure.

The communication has to be as free and open as the sex.

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@AnonAffair,

Do you have ANY boundaries?

Do you always base your behavior on the needs/wants of your own "figa"? (Italian - look it up)

There are others who are impacted by your behavior. (Wife, children, the "victim ( a little boy whom you took advantage of and now he is a cheater), and you, soon to become a cheater and marriage wrecker.

You say you don't care. In my book, that makes you a very not nice person.

Screw who you must, but don't think you will get approval for your provocative behavior.

My advice? You really do need to tell your BF about your beliefs. That's who is most impacted by your behavior. If he agrees, then go for it.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

Your opinions on the matter are unrelated to my question. Like I said, I'm looking for people who have specifically had experience with an affair. Whether or not you approve is irrelevant to me.

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@AnonAffair,

You are on the wrong site, then.

Go to a hookup site for married people.

Id say your issue goes against the value system of most folks here.

Find like-minded people.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

That was the reason I posted specifically asking people who have had the experience- they would be considered like minded. I haven't done anything with a married man at this point just on this forum for advice. Judging from your profile you have nothing better to do than critique/ judge people so this post is clearly not meant for you. Have a good one! Wink

1 Reply

@AnonAffair,

How about you just don't be a home wrecker? Go masturbate to the thought of him or something but don't hurt his partner and your partner. If your in a great relationship then don't be an ass and ruin it. You just have some sexual feelings that need to be solved.

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Wasn't there a website for this? Ashley Madison I think. The one that got hacked.

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@AnonAffair,

Anon, it's okay that you want to have sex, but all affected parties should be considered. In your case, you are married and he is married and you aren't married to each other. You MUST consider your respective spouses and how they would feel about your desired path. They may be okay with it, they may not, but you should respect both enough to be in the loop before you act on these desires. Not doing so is incredibly disrespectful to the boundaries of marriage and your respective spouses. It also establishes that neither one of you can be trusted with is a devastating blow to any relationship.

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Holy crap...It's just sex, just some skin. Why the hell do we put so much mystique on it. If you want him go for it. If he wants it he will, if he doesn't he won't. All these "moral" judgements are so provincial and archaic. Have a good time... Boff him. Life is short.

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@giujohn,

That's very naive...'it's 'just' sex ...it's not is it? No mystery about the complexity of human nature, and before you bang on about the so called monogomy myth that people use as that age old excuse to shag whomever they choose, it's just that. An excuse.

Poor show. You're right that you can shag whomever you choose, but there are social mores to pay attention to, like it or not, and shagging someone else's partner clandestinely is unacceptable.

People with 'devil may care' philosophies tend to have characteristics that display an element of the self absorbed .

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@giujohn,

This only works if everybody effected finds the situation acceptable. In a civilized society you can't just do whatever you want, when you want, to whoever you want with no regard to anybody but yourself. Well, I guess you CAN, but don't expect long term positive results.

1 Reply

Happily in a relationship, but want to pursue a sexual encounter with a married man... HELP!!

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