we want to be together but her mom doesnt

I can understand the mother's position that her daughter has to concentrate on her schoolwork. So the two of you will absolutely need to prove to your girlfriend's mother that her studies are not being negatively affected by you seeing each other. This probably also means you make it abundantly clear that you will end any weekday dates at some early hour (say, 8 PM) so your girlfriend can do her homework, and any weekend dates at a later but still reasonable hour (say, midnight).

See if you can work out a compromise. This is India, right? So you will need to win over her parents and that means forging a compromise with them.

I doubt the mother will budge on any of it.

I personally would ignore the mother, if she hates you so what?

Talk to the girl, be smart about it and don't get in the way of her studying. Once it's all done then you can go to her mom and say look, i was talking to her the whole time and it didn't disrupt her education.

What do you think is the reason her Mother does not want you to even be around her daughter (besides that you don't know how to spell college)?

thanks for the reply. her mother said: I dont want you to talk to me daughter atall till she finishes college ,after that if you came back it means its fate. then you will start dating again, its not india its israel. main problems are she doesnt want anyone from interrupting her studying , and that she doesnt want her to marry someone out of the town.

Her mother is being ridiculous. Seriously, does she honestly expect her daughter will speak to no one male (i. e. tempting) in the next four years?

I have family in Israel, and this is absolutely not the culture there (like it pretty much is in India, for example). This is just one particular overprotective nut job.

I know... her mother doesnt want me or anyone else from dating her till she finishes college. The mother told the girl's uncles about us the girl said that she really loves me and wants us to date.. she fought with her mother about it.. but no one understands and we have nothi g to do with it.. so we decided to talk secrelty like twice a week to stay in close intouch till her mother changes her mind. im in my army service... her uncle said when the guy gets himself a steady job and he knows that he is ready for the real life then our door is open for him. That means till i finish my serivce which i have 1 year left then i can come back.. what do u guys think about our idea talking secretly ?

You always run the risk of her mom finding out which can tarnish you in her eyes. But at some point the girl needs to get out from under her mother. Im all for respecting parents wishes but some times parents can be unreasonable.

If you continue to secretly talk to her you should make sure it's not impacting her studying. You owe her and her mom at least that much respect.

Where you live matters, as the word 'college' has different meanings in different countries, and we don't know which the poster is talking about.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/College

she is in her first semester in collage, I really respect her mom , if she finds out we even talk twice a week she will never forgive me... her dad died when the girl was young and she has no sisters or brothers, so her mom only has her... thats why she doesnt want her to marry someone from out of the town/village... but she said if we stopped talking now and i came back asking her hand from her mother after the girl finishes college then she will accept! but her uncle kinda takes incharge now (mother's brother ) he kinda decides so he told the girl when anyguy( didnt talk about me specifically) come to take your hand he has to be arranged like with a good job, ready to build a house and ready to be in this part of life ( meaning ready to get engaged..) then he can come and take your hand from us i wont mind... the thing is I have left 1 year in my army service then I am going to the police force to join and study something... the thing is its like 1 more year ... if we didnt speak atall in this 1 year we will forget eachother, thats why we decided to talk secretly for twice a week till things stand by ourside.. we really love eachother and want eachother..

I hope this isn't too personal a question, but are you Orthodox? Because then the arranging and all almost makes sense (although American Orthodox Jews don't really arrange marriages anymore unless they're exceptionally strict).

Im not jew or muslim or chrstian im in a religion abit simular to islam. Its been like a week and we only twice and im starting to feel that she is losing the love and feeling towards me by her kind of speaking. I feel **** and mistable always thinking of her