An affair with a married man, not your typical affair. Help!

Where to start... I'm female and 27 years old. I'm having an affair with a married man who is 31 years old with 2 children. I have a partner of 8 years who just recently asked me to marry him.

The beginning...

I met the man I am having an affair with when I was 17 years old. He worked beside me and from there our friendship grew. At the time I was 17 and he was 21. We had lots in common for example we liked the same music, we had the same sense of humour, we enjoyed going out to the same places and just in general really clicked with eachother. He would always flirt with me and I was pretty shy but enjoyed the attention. At the time I had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend (same woman he is married to now).

We grew closer and on one night out we went home together kissed, had sex. The next day I felt a bit guilty but in a way I was happy it happened as we were good friends by this point. It felt "normal".

We continued to use any opportunity to meet up and have fun. If we finished work I would go back to his or if we had nights out we would go home with eachother which always resulted in love making.

It became so normal and regular for us, we texted constantly and talked online. We worked together most days and it never became awkward if anything it made us closer. He told me he had feelings for me and I told him the same but we never let it become any more than just fun.

I turned 18 and had a holiday where I met someone else and finished with my boyfriend. I was young wanted fun and so when I returned home I talked to the guy I was having the affair with and said I wanted to end it cause I had feelings for someone new I had met. He was crushed he didn't want it to end he was angry about it but that was that and it finished. We spoke very rarely after this. Fast forward 8/9 years and something clicked and I wanted to get back in touch with him all of a sudden I missed him. I am with someone new now. I felt like I needed to see this guy again. I plucked up the courage to message him and straight away he got back to me. We talked for hours, we talked about what we used to get up to all the funny things that happened etc. It was great everything came rushing back and he wanted to meet up with me again. He said he missed me and wished it never had ended. I found out the year after I ended it he got engaged then married to the girl he was with followed by having 2 kids.

So now it has been over a year where I have been meeting this guy once a week. It started as just fun in the car etc. To now he has told me he couldn't care less about the fun he has strong feelings for me and loves to talk to me and feels so comfortable around me like no one else. We meet up when he has a night out so we can have sex etc. And it's amazing. He has told me he is scared to lose me again and doesn't want it to stop and I feel the same. We talk through the week over text and we just get on so we'll we wliterally feel like we are a couple that's how well we get on.

I am writing because I need to know if someone else has experienced a long affair like this. I feel it is different cause he considers me as his best friend and I consider him mine too and I love that we can tell eachother anything. I just feel like we met at the wrong time in life. His wife doesn't sleep with him but he tells me the sex between us now is not important as he just loves being around me and talking to me. He wants to pleasure me a lot too. I should also note when this affair started back up again his wife was still pregnant with his second child.

It's sad because none of us think we are doing anything wrong because it feels so right but obviously we are terrible people. I just wish I could understand why he has twice done this to his partner and wanted to carrying it on, I fee like he genuinely has feelings for me even though he has told me that he couldn't do this for that long is he never felt anything for me? I feel like he just settled with her because it was easy and they have the same group of friends and were at school together like it was the easy option not to upset anyone. I kick myself because I feel like I'f I never ended it the first time he would not have got married. He said he didn't want to get married but she hassled him to do it and get her a ring so he never even proposed. I do feel like he has just settled for something he is not completely happy about. Help me understand this!!!!??????