37
   

In an affair, jealous of his wife

 
 
intoodeep
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Feb, 2017 08:27 pm
@CoastalRat,
I don't think they have an unhealthy marriage. I don't think they have a bad marriage. I am still unsure why he's with me. He adores his daughter and likes the "nice happy family" unit.
Tiger81
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 19 Feb, 2017 09:45 pm
@intoodeep,
People on here are judgemental and narrow minded. Their loss.

They can roast me all they want. I don't care. Yep, I'm in an affair. Not stopping.
0 Replies
 
Tiger81
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 19 Feb, 2017 09:46 pm
@centrox,
So you want her to lie to him. Great advice.
0 Replies
 
Tiger81
 
  -3  
Reply Sun 19 Feb, 2017 09:49 pm
@CoastalRat,
Good to see that nothing has changed with you.
You have no idea what this man's plans are, or his thoughts on their future.
You don't even bother to read her post, as your questions are inaccurate, regarding who is you.

She hasn't made any mistakes. She's living her life.
Below viewing threshold (view)
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Mon 20 Feb, 2017 01:54 am
@intoodeep,
intoodeep wrote:

There are other women out there in my position. I KNOW that for a fact. I would like to talk to them and see how they get through it. But, I can see and have found from looking online - there are zero support forums for the other woman. I made a mistake posting here.


Dont give up. One thing to keep in mind is this topic is taboo in a monagomy centric society.

Essentially you are asking for him to be faithful to you but at the same time asking him to be unfaithful to his wife. Where is the consistency?

I personally think there's nothing wrong with how you feel. But what stops him from doing this to you later? If you expect faithfulness of someone willing to be unfaithful?

Your jealousy isn't a bad thing, its an emotional warning mechanism kicking in. Like pain telling you something's wrong. There is a way to get over this jealousy but you aren't going to like my solution.

The solution is to dial back your selfishness a little. He is staying for his daughters sake, trust him on that. He says he doesn't have sex with his wife, trust him on that. If he wants to be with you he will find a way.

One day at a time, make your recovery every part of your life. Sometimes the grass looks greener but it's really not.
intoodeep
 
  0  
Reply Mon 20 Feb, 2017 06:12 am
@Krumple,
Thank you. What a thoughtful response.

He has told me the same things. I have been through 2 bad marriages and am a recovering alcoholic. He begs me to get out of the house and try new things. I go to work and come home. And, I wait for his emails. I need to open myself up to a life.

Thank you again.
0 Replies
 
CoastalRat
 
  6  
Reply Mon 20 Feb, 2017 08:43 am
@Tiger81,
You wanna bet that were you married and your husband were having an affair that you would be the first person crying and whining about what a bastard he is and what a slut the other woman is.

I continue to find it amazing that for many women (and men), their views on this subject are colored by which side of the affair they occupy. I bet loverboy here would be out there calling his wife a slut if she did that same thing to him that he is doing to her.

As far as my being a troll, well, I don't think that is worth a response.

As far as the OP goes, nobody here, myself included, really gives a rip whether she continues the affair or not. It is her life. If she really wants to wait around at least another 4 years to see if this guy "could" get together with her, great. But her friends, and nearly all of us who have responded on here, have seen this enough to know she is more likely to find disappointment than happiness. IF he wanted to leave his wife for her, he would.
Tiger81
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 20 Feb, 2017 08:46 am
@CoastalRat,
you leap to conclusions without knowing anything about people, which is why I have zero respect for you.

My ex did indeed cheat on me, and that is 100% on him, not the women he had affairs with. He is the one who chose to cheat. I don't give a coastal rat's ass about them.
CoastalRat
 
  4  
Reply Mon 20 Feb, 2017 09:03 am
@Tiger81,
Quote:
why I have zero respect for you.
I couldn't care less, but hopefully you feel better getting that off your chest.

Quote:
My ex did indeed cheat on me, and that is 100% on him
And how exactly did that make you feel? Do you think the spouse of your affair partner (and the OP's) feels the same way? So why would a woman intentionally put another woman through that? Oh yeah, because you don't really give a damn as long as you get what you want.

Look, if you are happy in your situation, then great. It is your life and you can do what you want. If the OP is happy in her situation, then great. But then why come on here complaining that she is jealous of the man's wife? If she is jealous, then she is obviously not as happy about things as she thinks. And that is what has been pointed out to her repeatedly.
Tiger81
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 20 Feb, 2017 09:33 am
@CoastalRat,
"Oh yeah, because you don't really give a damn as long as you get what you want."

Exactly.
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Mon 20 Feb, 2017 11:16 am
@Tiger81,
Your BF has the best of two worlds: appearance of respectable and devoted husband/family man on one hand. Then his little chickadee on the other.

You get lonely holidays and his leftover time and are hidden from the community as a couple.

You are already starting to isolate yourself from the outside. Thats a real trigger for your drinking to start up

At least join a gym and start dating. You cannot give 100 % to someone who only gives you 33%.

intoodeep
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 20 Feb, 2017 03:56 pm
@PUNKEY,
Yep. You are right. I was doing kickboxing but tore a tendon in my arm. I'm going to start yoga and a gym. And, the weather is warmer. Think I will go for a walk!

I won't date anybody. He is the one and only man in my life. I am totally devoted to him and faithful to him.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Mon 20 Feb, 2017 04:47 pm
Really wondering why you posted here.

There has to be other discussion /support sites for "the other woman" - cause thats what you are, happy or not.
intoodeep
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 20 Feb, 2017 06:12 pm
@PUNKEY,
I can ignore you if you like and we don't have to communicate. I can't find any other sites. I stumbled upon this one and have found several other women in my shoes.
vikorr
 
  4  
Reply Tue 21 Feb, 2017 03:32 am
@intoodeep,
I don't know if there's anything whatsoever that you can do about jealousy in the situation you are in - that can be part & parcel of the situation if that is in your nature. Keep yourself busy, exercise lots, and train yourself not to think of the issue?

In any event, I do have a few questions, which in reality are for you to answer to yourself, rather than posting here:

- how do you know he's telling you the truth about his home life / spousal relationship? (after all, saying 'she ignores me / we fight all the time / we don't have sex' are among the oldest lines in the married cheaters handbook)

- does he know how to handle long term (as part of a relationship) a recovering alcoholic?

- If he ever leaves his wife - will he move to you, or will you move to him?

- Will you ever trust him? Will he ever trust you? What if you go through some tough times (which every couple does)...will you trust him in those times?

intoodeep
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 21 Feb, 2017 05:11 pm
@vikorr,
He did not tell me that his wife ignored him or that they fight. Ever. That's what is so wierd about the whole affair. There seems to be nothing "wrong" in his marriage. Other than she doesn't have sex with him - so he says.

Just an FYI - I also suffer from chronic depression and generalized anxiety disorder.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  4  
Reply Tue 21 Feb, 2017 05:43 pm
@intoodeep,
intoodeep wrote:

... and have found several other women in my shoes.


I looked at your posts, and you have found several other women who either

(a) Made one post months ago, and haven't been back (you responed to one of those one hit wonders, who had posted back in July. Pay attention to dates)

(b) Are certified nut jobs (like Eliusa) who are out of touch with reality on all levels.

(c) One other person who seems to want to engage you. So great, you made a friend.

You complain you're not being offered "comfort and support", but what makes you think that's our job? You've repeatedly been told this isn't a site for "the other woman", yet you keep trying to cram a square peg into a round hole. Who's doing that? Oh, yeah....you.

I did a quick google to the effect of forums/sites for the other woman, and came up with a bunch....yet you could find none.

I personally don't care if you screw married men, as long as it's not mine. But don't act like you're owed something for coming on a random forum site that is for general discussion, and don't find a bunch of doxies having heart felt breakdowns.

The straight poop is if he wanted to be with you, he'd leave his wife and would.



0 Replies
 
Timaeuslee
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Feb, 2017 11:55 pm
@intoodeep,
Romantic love can't be shared that's why jealousy arises. Here is one aggressive way: Marry him and take his wife's position. Let him throw away all remains of his ex-wife.

Another method is conservative: accept all this and continue to live with it. Otherwise, give up this relationship with him and find another boy friend.
intoodeep
 
  -2  
Reply Thu 23 Feb, 2017 05:23 pm
@Timaeuslee,
He won't leave because of his kids right now. I'm miserable.
 

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