53
   

My wife and a male coworker of hers, just doesnt feel right.

 
 
bobdobalina
 
  2  
Reply Sun 6 May, 2018 08:55 am
hi Monper how did the situation end up with B and your wife.It would of been a very stressful time .
And having B sniffing around with obvious intentions needed to be put back in his place
0 Replies
 
Agent1741
 
  1  
Reply Wed 23 May, 2018 01:44 pm
My gut reaction would be to knock his teeth out, no-one would mess with my wife (if I had one). Whilst it not the best solution I would be real protective of her so if you "mess" with her you "mess" with me!! That aside she may well be loving all the attention she is getting so she is hardly going to admit what's going on especially if she is naieve! Searching on her phone is not going to make things any better, you will just end up beating yourself up over it because the only 2 people that know what's really going on are not saying. Some employers take a real low view of supervisors (or above) going out with others of a lower authority & can fire people for doing so. Whilst that "may" end her "relationship" such as it is it remains to be seen if that would improve yours. I think that trust is the most important thing in any relationship & if you do not have that then you do not have anything. Sorry!
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Thu 24 May, 2018 05:50 am
@Agent1741,
And, once again, a guy not respecting his wife's work.

You've read exactly one side of this.

Men and women can be friends and hang out - even without their spouses and SOs. Amazing!

And like I wrote a few years ago, the OP doesn't pay attention to anything else his wife says about work -- just about this other guy. If he actually bothered listening to more than the jealousy-inducing stuff he wants to hear, then he'd find it's probably nowhere near as big as he fears.

I also looked at both images and neither of them scream 'cheater' to me. They scream 'coworker' to me. And yes, I am female. And married. And I work. And I've had male coworkers pay attention to me and befriend me. And ya know what? I never cheated or so much as considered it.

The fact that those work pals had penises did not suddenly magically turn me into a cheating machine.

Is the OP's wife cheating? Probably not. None of this is evidence of anything at all, one way or the other. As was also suggested (also a few years ago - please read the dates on the topics; yes, I know they're in small print), a conversation was in order. As in opening mouths and having sounds come out and communicating.

You knock this guy's teeth out and he's innocent? Then you can kiss your savings goodbye when he sues you for civil battery and gets you arrested for criminal. You knock this guy's teeth out and he's not innocent? Guess what? The same thing happens. And either way, your wife ends up looking for another job because YOU poisoned her working environment. I do hope you like it when she's pissed off at you ruining a job she likes.

Knock off with the macho ****. It doesn't do anyone any good. Grownups have conversations and ask questions and they don't jump to conclusions. Leave that **** in middle school where it belongs.
Sofos
 
  1  
Reply Fri 25 May, 2018 03:27 pm
@jespah,
I have to agree that violence doesn't solve a thing ...at least not in relationships .

It's interesting to hear your opinion considering that you have been in these sort of situations .
Unfortunately we don't know exactly what's going on, so we can only speculate . Momper asked for advice and we should probably do that( definitely not one that involves violence ).
I agree though that communication is the key . It's difficult to keep a clear mind when you love someone and worried about things .
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 26 May, 2018 05:16 am
@Sofos,
I understand that. But the OP admitted that he just sort of nodded and barely listened to anything she said about work unless it was about this guy.

So he's hearing only what he wants to hear. And if he treats her this way in other aspects of their relationship, then they've got problems that have nothing to do with the guy at the office.
0 Replies
 
Monper
 
  2  
Reply Tue 22 Jan, 2019 06:43 am
Shitz been rough with me lately.
Sofos
 
  1  
Reply Wed 23 Jan, 2019 10:09 am
@Monper,
I sent you a message for details . What’s the situation ?
0 Replies
 
niceguy47460
 
  0  
Reply Wed 23 Jan, 2019 11:04 am
@Monper,
Dude what is going on feel us in .
0 Replies
 
Tiny 2018
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jan, 2019 05:13 am
@Monper,
Perhaps try paying your wife more attention and focus on getting that beer belly off. Not suggesting this is you fault, but other than laying claim to this woman, you've said nothing positive about her and admitted to not listening to her talk about things that clearly matter to her such as work. This will appear to her as a distinct lack of disinterest in HER as a woman. Combine that with the fact that you admit to letting yourself go physically, and there you have it- the perfect recipe for her to have her head turned by somebody who looks after his appearance, and looks directly into her eyes with utmost interest when she speaks about herself. This guy probably gives her the attention she's been craving from you for a while.
arealtruefeeling
 
  1  
Reply Thu 31 Jan, 2019 11:17 am
Monper,
I completely understand your frustrations. Your last post you said she has been going to the gym more. That's what my ex did in the year before we got divorced. Now, the divorce was my doing, so I can't blame her - but I did find out later that she was hanging out at the gym with her new guy friend.

You don't have kids yet, right? One thing you need to know, is that women tend to get more committed once they have kids. She could be looking for a better deal. It happens, it happened in my first marriage. You sound caring and thoughtful, but she may take all that for granted and be trying for the best of both worlds.

On the other hand, does this guy have a superior position to her? Can he get her promoted? Can he get her a raise? Has he shown this kind of favoritism already?

Ultimately, you can't control her life and that's the beauty of marriage - two people who make the choice to be together because they both want to be together. She isn't handling her side in a way that feels balanced and fair to her, so you need to talk about it and she needs to decide how to adjust, or she needs to decide that your feelings don't matter to her. In any case, going to the gym isn't spending more quality time with you and you need to think about that.
Monper
 
  1  
Reply Thu 11 Apr, 2019 05:18 am
@arealtruefeeling,
One day i got off from work i did swing by her gym, just to drive through the parking lot to see if shes there, to see if hes there. And their cars were parked next to each other. I was pretty pissed. And ive seen it more than one occasion now.
0 Replies
 
Monper
 
  1  
Reply Thu 11 Apr, 2019 05:23 am
@Tiny 2018,
Yes i will take the blame. As of right now shes been giving me the quiet treatment for over a week now. Shes been disapearing for hours, she says she needs some alone time. Swung by the parking lot of her gym, sometimes shes there, sometimes not. She went out a few weeks ago with her friends. A pic one of her friends put up on FB, he was in the background. Things are not going good. It does feel like im competing against this guy.
niceguy47460
 
  1  
Reply Thu 11 Apr, 2019 09:31 am
@Monper,
I would do a deep dive on her phone . look for texting apps . put a gps on her car . and put voice activated recorder in her car and anywhere else she may talk to him on the phone .you might even hire a pi to follow her and watch her . she is cheating on you with him . trust your gut .
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 11 Apr, 2019 12:19 pm
This is still going on over a period of more than 2 years?

Have you done any of the positive things that people suggested on here? (positive is not spying on her phone and hiring a PI)... Positive is speaking to her and listening about her job - showing true and sincere interest among other things suggested on here like having a true conversation with her.

If not, then maybe that is why you are getting the "silent treatment" and she needs time alone?
Sofos
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 15 Apr, 2019 02:08 am
@Linkat,
It’s nice to suggest alternative methods but there’s more to it here .
0 Replies
 
 

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