53
   

My wife and a male coworker of hers, just doesnt feel right.

 
 
Monper
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Feb, 2017 08:50 am
@Iouman,
I wish it was a shoe store. Before i cropped it there were cupboards up back there with a clear view of B's face. This was a picture she had taken. Found it on her phone, wasnt part of a text message. Wife said B and a few people volunteered to paint the supply room at work. She snapped it while they were about to start. Funny, i saw only her and B in that photo.
FrankLee
 
  5  
Reply Thu 23 Feb, 2017 02:07 pm
@Monper,
Ugh, forget the spying and guessing. Read my first post above. Tell her you feel hurt and disconnected and that you're trying to be the best husband you can be. Be persistent and try to limit sheet and finger-pointing. Tell her you're willing to work hard to improve your marriage.

There's three options:
1) she'll see the light and reengage with you
2) she'll continue these mysterious actions and behavior
3) She'll fess up to any extracurricular activity

In any case you can hold your head high and say you respectfully laid everything on the table

You'll never go wrong with the combination of respect, honesty and directness.
Monper
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Feb, 2017 09:54 am
@FrankLee,
Had a talk with her about it again this weekend. Our connection is still strong. We still get along great. She knows i am a bit hurt seeing her around him. Once again she says theres nothing to worry about. says they are just friends, nothing more. Maybe my jealousy is getting the best of me. I have female friends too and my wife has no problems with that. But then again my i know for a fact my female friends aren't after me. You guys have to see the way "B" looks at my wife. And his behavior is like flies flying around ****. Hes attracted to her. My wife doesnt think so. She told me to trust her. I know her too well. She doesn't know herself that well. Shes gullible, shes naive, shes in denial. I dont know if i trust her. Shes always putting herself in situations where shes set up to fail. Ive been scheduling dinner, dates, movies, etc on fridays just to get her to come home right after work. I honestly dont know whats going on with my wife and B. Maybe my jealousy has gotten the best of me.
0 Replies
 
bobdobalina
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 Feb, 2017 01:28 am
a selfie to make sure lover boy was in it
not a good place to be
any update
0 Replies
 
bobdobalina
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Mar, 2017 03:49 pm
@Monper,
anything written in the txt msg
Monper
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Mar, 2017 01:10 pm
@bobdobalina,
That picture wasnt in a text message. Just found that selfie of her with B standing in the background on her phone. But last friday he texted my wife while we were out on a date. He said she was missing out. Guess a few of her co-workers went out. Its a bit awkward for me and my wife whenever B is around. She knows I think theres more to it than just friendship.
bobdobalina
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Mar, 2017 04:49 pm
@Monper,
Most think there is , he is definatley moving in on your wife and I think she is enjoying the attention . By the way the picture is angled she made sure he was in it clearly.
Did you show annoyance when the message came through while on a night out that this guy is forcing his way between you and wife and did she see more interested in what he was doing rather than enjoying her husbands company

Monper
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Mar, 2017 01:19 pm
@bobdobalina,
I shouldnt of cropped it. Just scribble over my wife's face. But B was looking directly at the camera. That night was my night so i try not to let it bug me. My wife and B were just co-workers. It sucks now that they're friends too. Shes always invited to go hang out with him. The most terrible feeling in the world is when its 4pm on a work day. Wife says shes going out later with some friends, to meet her at this joint after work. Im suppose to be done at 5pm but im in the middle of a project that will take me at least another 2-3 hrs. I want to hurry to my wife. Hate this feeling of being insecure.
bobdobalina
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Mar, 2017 08:55 pm
@Monper,
i think the insecurities are founded ,the txt while you 2 were out on a date was on purpose by him to seed both of your minds hes still around no matter where she is.
Did you ask about the picture and voice your concerns about the whole matter in a stern tone ,if your very uncomfortable you will have to suggest they cool off the touchy flirty behaviour as this is way out of line .
putting up with this unknown consumes your entire time
0 Replies
 
WineNot
 
  3  
Reply Thu 9 Mar, 2017 06:00 pm
@Monper,
From a female perspective- wake up. Your wife is not nearly as innocent and clueless as you think (she has you completely snowed). First, if it was totally innocent she wouldn't be hiding things, forgetting to tell you, or stammering to figure out what to say when you ask her something and doesn't want to answer. Anytime this happens, the person KNOWS they shouldn't be doing something they are doing and they are not clueless about an "innocent" relationship. I like quotes like this:

"Cheating does not have to only be physical. If you purposely hide something from your significant other..... You are already there. Cheating has to start at some point."

Hopefully it hasn't reached the physical stage but something seems to be going on and it could be leading there. I don't understand why you are allowing it and not sharing your feelings with your wife. Yes, he is crappy for moving in on a married woman, but honestly- but some blame on her too. She is YOUR wife and is doing things she knows she shouldn't be (who goes to meet a male friend while her husband is helping her parents? Crappy....)

I do agree that you need to stop feeling so inferior. You need to do something for YOU to make you feel more confident. You also need to let her know that you love her but that her "friendship" with this other man has crossed some boundaries and for the sake of your marriage, she needs to back off. Then I would check on her if necessary to see if it really has or if she is simply telling you what you want to hear. Please don't let her put a guilt trip on you and be played a fool. You sound like way too nice of a man to allow her to walk all over you.
I just think you need to open your eyes and see she's not innocent and stand your ground and demand it stops. I am sorry you're going through this and I do wish you the best of luck.
Monper
 
  2  
Reply Fri 10 Mar, 2017 06:43 pm
@WineNot,
Thank you. Thank you all. I am having an internal battle with myself. One hand i know im the jealous type. This all could just be in my head. On the other hand maybe there is something going on. Starting to realize my wife may not be as innocent as i think she is. I have had plenty of talks with her about this issue already. She has backed off a bit. But she works with the guy. They see each other 24/7. Its friday. Waiting to get out of work and meeting up with my wife and her friends at their bar. Sorry to Franklee. I know you said i shouldnt be spying but my insecurities get the best of me. I have been reading their texts. I dont know what to make of them. I have been researching why couples cheat. Its been bugging me as of late. Wife and i get along great.
WineNot
 
  2  
Reply Sat 11 Mar, 2017 10:17 pm
@Monper,
You're married- If you have suspicions you have every right to look through text, etc. if someone is cheating / lying to you that's the ONLY way you'll find out the truth. Unfortunately desire all the great things about the internet- it makes it much easier for partners to cheat, flirt, etc with other people. I think in a strong marriage, couples should have open access to each other's phone, email, etc. she's your wife and your partner so there should be nothing to hide.
You don't sound overly jealous. It seems like you don't have a problem with her meeting friends. You have an issue with a single male friend who appears to be interested in her. A single friend who openly flirts with your wife and who your wife spends too much time with. A man she has hid things about and who she seems to seek out. I don't care if there work together or not- you're marriage should be her priority over her friendship with this man. Again, I think you need to work on self esteem- honestly that's very attractive to women (if you act like you're whipped and will allow her to do what she wants even if it upsets you- it seems as though you're giving her the ok to keep this up). Maybe if you started making plans with her Friday night (do you two have any other friend you could meet?- try to find ways to keep her away from the bar with him after work (or drinking). Or you could try the tactic that if she is going to continue making him a priority over your feelings but it's time for you to think of yourself Go to a gym. Get in shape so you'll feel better about yourself. Make new friends and go out and meet them for a drink. I doubt she would like it if the tables were turned. Honestly I still think the best bet is to tell her you love her and you don't want to control her but you're uncomfortable with her friendship with him and you're asking her to back off a lot more for awhile. She knows she has crossed the line (which is why she hasn't told you everything each time)- let her know you know she's crossed the line - that you love her and can forgive her as long as it ends now. You two are married. She doesn't need to be at the bar drinking/ playing darts with another man as often as she is (or at all). And I would do the same thing you are and check her phone to see if she backs off or if she's lying. I do think you have that right.

I'm against cheating and hate how many people disrespect marriage vows. Those who cheat and those who go after a married man/ woman. Marriage is he's enough- people need to back off and respect when someone is taken. It sounds like some of these people think privacy is more important than faithfulness. Those people probably shouldn't get married so they can keep their privacy. Good luck!
bobdobalina
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Mar, 2017 05:47 am
@WineNot,
your right is this is how its playing out eventually your going to be looking at the sly kiss at the start after times long hugs and who knows from there but the time they spend together obviously wife is getting more fond of him ,enjoying his company
The elongated hand grab on a high five ,texting while on a private time with her husband ,driving home,suggesting shots while your there ,he has disrespected you and your marriage to many time for you to sit back and wife is lapping it up
Tell hime to back off and your wife to stop making you feel like the inferior fool
0 Replies
 
BaleJ
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Mar, 2017 07:43 am
@Monper,
Sounds like theres something going on between them two. Whats usually in the texts?
Monper
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Mar, 2017 11:12 am
@BaleJ,
I dont know what to make of it. When i get the chance maybe i will show yalls to see what yalls think.
0 Replies
 
FrankLee
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Mar, 2017 06:33 pm
@Monper,
Sorry, I didn't mean you should stop "spying" altogether. I just meant you'll drive yourself crazy if that's all you do.

A few thoughts:

It may be time to draw a stronger line in the sand. Tell her you know she says it's just platonic with B but even so, you're feelings as her husband should be at the top of the list of priorities. You could tell her that the frequency and closeness of interaction with B, especially outside the office, is more than even the most confident husband should be expected to endure. Explain to her that it's disrespectful, especially now that you've voiced your concerns respectfully multiple times. It's totally understandable for you to ask her to limit her time with him outside the office.

Also, you can say what though you feel your feelings are warranted and justified, that you're excited and curious to learn what you can do to be a better husband and meet her needs maybe in ways you haven't in the past.

Remember ask questions about her job and focus on her experience. You don't have to be an expert in her field to care about how she feels about her job and share in her successes and failures alike.

Lastly, check out the book "The Married Man Sex Life Primer". (I have absolutely no affiliation with the author or publisher). Yes it says it's about sex but it's more about exuding confidence and changing the confidence dynamic in your relationship.

Good luck! Just make sure you start getting to the heart of the matter. Stay consistent, kind and respectable and don't lose your motivation when she tells you it's nothing. The conversation isn't over until she agrees to stop spending so much time with him or she confesses what may be wrong in your marriage from her point of view (even if you think what she says it's unfair). This line about "we get along great" seems to be too convenient. Maybe there is a misunderstanding in the marriage that could be cleared up and improve communication.
0 Replies
 
Monper
 
  1  
Reply Thu 16 Mar, 2017 08:08 am
@BaleJ,
Everything that needs to be said has been said. Shes got the message. Im not going to force her not to be friends with this guy. They are co-workers so i cant prevent them from seeing each other but I am trying to limit their time together outside of work. Heres a text message between them i snapped. This is usually to the extent of their texts.

https://ibb.co/duoLka
0 Replies
 
Monper
 
  1  
Reply Thu 16 Mar, 2017 08:09 am
@BaleJ,
Heres another text.

https://ibb.co/bAL0ka
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 16 Mar, 2017 09:20 am
@Monper,
That conversation sounds like it's between two women, not a guy trying to seduce a gal.

You sure he's not gay? It sounds like it.

ASK your wife why he doesn't have a GF.
0 Replies
 
WineNot
 
  2  
Reply Thu 16 Mar, 2017 05:41 pm
@Monper,
That text sounds way too familiar or cozy to me. It sounds like something a long term couple would be sending (again-just way too familiar with each other and like this is something they plan to continue).
Have you tried telling her it makes you uncomfortable and you would like for her to back off? I blame her for this as much as him, but if you haven't said much and you aren't standing your ground, you are to blame also. You (her husband) should be a higher priority than her male friend (who she has clearly hid things about and who she flirts with). The two of you could start making regular plans to do things so that she could break away from their consistent meetings and dart partner dates, etc.
Stand firm. Be loving and try to spice up your relationship but stand firm and tell her it needs to stop.
0 Replies
 
 

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