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Sat 28 Jan, 2017 03:18 am
My marriage is over.
I doubted it from the moment I stepped foot in my husband’s house, but it became more apparent after the birth of my daughter eight months later.
However, I should say, it’s only me in this situation and not my husband. Because he is still in a marriage. With his mother.
At first, it began with constant interference from my mother-in-law in the clothes I should wear or the places we should visit together. It slowly built up to include how lacking I was and how superior she was in things like cooking or maintaining a friend circle or shopping. I was also constantly compared to my sister-in-law who was just better than me in everything imaginable. I didn’t take any steps against this bullying initially as I wanted to give my marriage my best and I believed that once I endure this initial rough phase successfully, all will be well. But things only started getting worse and it reached a point where I had to involve my husband.
My husband and I had a love marriage and initially, it had been difficult for me to convince my parents for this marriage as my husband has a genetic condition leading to night blindness and limited light vision in both eyes. When I spoke about my feelings and experiences to him regarding his mother and sister, I was shocked by the way he dismissed my emotions and turned the tables on me, saying that it was I who was ill-treating his mother and that he was going to step up and put me in my place if I continued this behavior.
This was also the time when the filthy language started. Since then, I have been called a bitch, an asshole, a maniac, a mentally unstable person who needs to turn to prayers to calm her mind, a manipulator, a person who over-reacts and over-analyzes stuff, and a person who is trying to turn her daughter against her grandparents. He has also told me that if I don’t behave well with his family, then I will be punished and will have to face the consequences. All efforts to sit him down and have a heart-to-heart conversation have ended in turning the situation around and putting the blame on me. I have lost all hope in saving the marriage and I will not walk out as I don’t think it will be fair to my daughter to do so.
Is there absolutely any advice that you can give me based on my situation?
If you want to hold this marriage together, MOVE. Preferably to another city.
There is no reason why you should subject yourself and children to this kind of abuse. Your husband needs to leave mommas clutches and be a man of his own house.
@maryu12,
maryu12 wrote:
My marriage is over.
....and I will not walk out as I don’t think it will be fair to my daughter to do so.
Is there absolutely any advice that you can give me based on my situation?
Then you are imparting the lesson to her that women were put on this planet to take men's abuse. And if you think that's fair for your daughter to get that impression - because no matter how many times you tell her she is worthwhile and valued, lovable and deserving of love in her life, she will instead absorb the far louder lesson you are imparting with your deeds (or, rather, your inaction) - then I honestly don't know what to tell you.
@maryu12,
maryu12 wrote:I will not walk out as I don’t think it will be fair to my daughter to do so.
As jespah says, it is unfair to your daughter
not to walk out. If you do not, she will grow up in a house where men are bullying tyrants and women are servants who must keep quiet. Is that what you want her to learn?
@maryu12,
You're living in Hell. Can your parents take you in for awhile and be supportive?
@maryu12,
Quote: He has also told me that if I don’t behave well with his family, then I will be punished and will have to face the consequences.
Are you this guy's child or his wife? This is something a parent might say to a misbehaving child. It also sounds like thinly veiled threat of violence.
Do yourself a favor and get out now while you can. Get you and your daughter to a safe place. This is more likely to get worse than better.
@maryu12,
Show him
This verse in the Bible:
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”
Ephesians 5:31 KJV
Does he always take her side? Maybe you should sit them down at the same time.
@maryu12,
It sounds to me like there is some sort of weird or inappropriate relationships going on in his family. Mommy is obviously a control freak as well.
Comparing you to your sister in law (his sister) is very odd. Almost like mommy sees the sister as being your rival, or a better partner for him.
You say he has a genetic condition.Research it and find out how it is passed on.
Is it possible that he is the product of an incestuous relationship? Sometimes, the incest is accepted within such families and is inter-generational. Maybe he has an incestuous relationship with his sister... or possibly mom wants such a situation and sees nothing wrong with it. Tread carefully because if there is incest then they won't want outsiders knowing about it, or their secrets revealed.
Wow. Abercrombie-you're heavy.
I also thought there was something weird going on in the family, but I figured it might be because the husband had disabilities he didn't fit in with the other kids, (can't play ball if you can't see the ball), and so he grew super-close to his mother and sister.
@maryu12,
Wow!!! You know how they always say it's easier to spot something from the position of being on the outside looking in? Seems like your hasband is being a real jerk. I can't help put wonder if he feels somewhat more obligated to his Mother and his sister due to his health and sight condition. Perhaps they are the people he has had to lean on for the most help up until he met you. You have to take into consideration who he has had to count on for help for the longer period of time. Maybe he fears if he takes sides with you then he will lose them. Even though you two are married he has always had them to lean on. That could possibly strike a lot of fear in him and cause him to respond in a very defensive manner that seems way out of line. I'm not trying to justify him treating you badly I'm just thinking that if you really want to save the marriage maybe the thing to try to due is to assure him that you do not wish to take anything from his relationship with his mother but in return you wish to build the same level of love and respect with him while assuring him that your in the relationship for the long haul and that you WILL be there by his side when the going gets ruff. Food for thought.
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