Where do I turn?

Day 22? How ya doing?

Prudence
Wise men and women rightly give a top rating
to the virtue of prudence.
They know that without this all important attribute
little wisdom is to be had.
Mere "looking before we leap" is not enough.
If our looking is charged with fear,
suspicion, or anger,
we had better not have looked or acted at all.
- Bill W., Letter 1966



Thought to Ponder . . .
Prudence is rational concern without worry.
* * *

Wow Day 22
Day 21 is gone and I am glad. I lost focus on myself yesterday and my old thoughts came creeping back. I let it consume me most of the day and last night I went to my men's meeting and they helped set me back on track. They told me that I was right where I needed to be. They told me it sucks but it's supposed to suck. Recovery does not come without a price. So far day 22 looks bright. I have my day planned out and I am going to keep the focus on me.

My wife has told me that she is coming back, but she doesn't know when. Before Thanksgiving I suppose because she has to leave on business Thanksgiving week and I am needed to watch the pets. I'm trying not to look forward to that day because this is a "one day at a time" recovery.

I am glad of this forumn and that I am able to post. One day in the future I will look back at the original post and read about my growth. God bless everyone and Thank you.

I will keep you posted.

Re: Wow Day 22
HN
Your doing terrific. 22 day's is a long time in the recovery zone. So you had yourself a bad day, that's expected. To change one's thinking habits is not easy, it takes 'Time'--'Things I Must Earn'.
Normy earthling's (people who don't drink) have bad day's, heck they have BAD YEARS!
You did the right thing by going to a meeting and talking to your guy's, now didn't that feel good, you took care of yourself, GOOD JOB!

"Your right where your supposed to be", your going to hear alot of that. AA people will lovingly tell you- -Where the Dog Died-- not -- Where To Get a New One-- no candy coating going on there, just pure honesty coming from people with years of experience. Where else can you get that stuff for a DOLLAR?

Keep us posted, we care .

Day 24
I am making strides in my recovery. My wife has decided that she doesn't know if she is coming back. Even though we have financial obligations that have to be discussed, we have to stay away from talking about them so as not to get any future commitments from her about our future. She says she is working on improving herself, and doesn't know if she is coming back. I have to accept that. But I also have been working on myself and need to get my life going. Any thoughts?

Re: Day 24
Finanacial obligations must be addressed, so you are going to have to speak somewhat. Try this, make a rule that neither one of you will bring up past indiscretions.
Perhaps going to a mediator/councilor would be best, as they will be impartial.
It's hard for two people to think logically when strong emotions are involved. A good councilor will immediately pick up on either one of you if unreasonableness takes hold.

Keep going to meetings.

DAY 25
It is hard to believe that I am on 25 days with no alcohol. I feel great. My wife and I decided to stay apart for some time. I am afraid that she will not seek help for herself and continue on with the baggage that she came into our marriage with as well as the baggage that I threw on as well. We will see how things work out 1 day at a time. I will continue going to meetings and working closely with my sponsor. Everyone take care. I will be in touch.

Congratulations!
Taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do.

Wow, that's wonderful, Help Needed. 25 days already!

Re: DAY 25


This quote is located on page 83-84 of the Big Book.

The promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will alway's materialize if we work for them.

Keep us posted.

Remember, alcohol is a depressant. You've been chemically depressed for a long time and drying out means cheering up.

HN

Almost time for a one month chip, try and get one at every meeting you go to. It shows the program works.

Is it day 31?

Sorry I haven't posted
Hello everyone! Today is day 35! No alcohol. I have 40 meetings in 28 days. I am meeting my wife tommorrow for the first time since she left. She is having a rough time financially and I can only help her so much. She got a job in Atlanta and has an income, but she is broke. I keep helping her out because I feel that is what I must do, however unless she starts sending me some money, I won't be able to keep paying her bills. She never wants to talk about it.

The AA meetings help immensely, but I still have a problem with self esteem, I am trying to get more self confidence. I have accomplished much lately, but I am not well versed in giving myself credit for anything. Is there some course or book that I can read to help me with this? When my self confidence is up(which real low is good for me) I seem to have a great attitude about things. My relationship with God even suffers when my self confidence is down.

Either way, today is much better than where I was before:

I weighed 246lbs 3 months ago. I now weight 207lbs.
My job is going great and I have also been offered a position in Tampa Fl.
I painted my apartment and it is great and I like it.

Thanks and I will keep you posted(really this time)

Good news HN! Keep it up, or as Noddy the Wise says, hold your dominion.

Cav--

Thanks for the kind words--I hope I can live up to them someday.

Help Needed--

You're making solid progress, step by step. Remember nothing wonderful happens overnight. A baby needs 9 months to grow before birth--and that is the fastest growth and change that will ever happen in a baby's life.

Give yourself an self-esteem assignment: Try smiling at two passing strangers every day. Just grin and walk on by--but grin early enough that they have time to smile back.

Causing strangers to smile is a great esteem builder.

Re: Sorry I haven't posted


Self confidence/esteem dosen't just show up and can not be gained from reading about it. It is something that is built with positive experiences. Your confidence/esteem will be equal to the amount of healthy experiences that you can cultivate over a period of time.
T*I*M*E= Thing's I Must Earn.

Keep going to meeting's and if you can, join a step meeting. The Big Book is like the owners manual to recovery, the steps are like the directions to healthy living and thinking.

Keep us posted.
Happy Thanksgiving

Today is day 39
Hello Everyone!!! Today is day 39, No alcohol. Something I must say though. I could not continue with AA with the sponsor and network that I had. I am sorry and do not want to offend anyone, but I cannot be told that I am not allowed to make any decisions in my life. I visited my wife on Sunday. I had to drive 500 miles to meet her halfway to where she was going. Everything turned out fine, however my sponsor told me that I should not go without checking with him first. When I returned, he told me that he was perturbed(sp?) with me. I am sorry but I can't go with that. Next I was told that I could not go to our company Christmas party because alcohol was being served there.

I made up my mind not to drink and I will stick with that decision. AA was a great place to go and share my tough situations and get some advice, but when I took on this sponsor I did not realize that there was no gray area for anything. His last words to me were that I won't make it without turning back to alcohol and I will either end up dead or in prison.

I have never even come close to either of these, and since I decided not to drink I don't believe I will in the future. I did discover a great relationship with God through AA and I would like to go to meetings, but I have heard the network talk about others in a bad way and I don't want the same to happen to me.

Anyway today is day 39 and I still pray, I still read the books and I am finding professional help for my self esteem. Thanks everyone. I will keep you posted.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!

Oh HN, it's common to disagree with one's sponsor. But a sponsors job is to make 'suggestions', not give orders.
A good sponsor will give suggestions and share their experience with the particular situation your facing and will leave the decision up to the sponsee.

AA works, you know that. You can alway's try other meeting's and expand your network. You might want to reconsider not giving up on the program because of one not so talented sponsor.

You can get a new sponsor any time you like.

Take care, and Happy Thanksgiving to you also.

Suggestions versus Orders
Paulaj,

I think you are correct. I have heard many times my grand sponsor mention that when he came to AA the Big Book did not say "suggest". He does not suggest, he orders and there is no gray area. All of his network is the same way. Either do what you are told or don't bother asking for help. I am sorry, but I cannt do that. I will seek out other meetings and a different network. Thanks

Some of the male sponsors are a bit 'hard-core' for lack of a better word. You might hear an "HC" say-- "JUST DON'T FOCKING DRINK!" That works for some but it would not work for me as I do not like being spoken to that way.
Getting the right sponsor can be like finding a mate, you might have to go through a few to find the right one.
Ask God for help, he will put someone right in front of you at the right moment.
Look for someone with a peaceful countenance. As one thinks in his mind or heart, so is he, so is the lifestyle that follows.

Good luck.