Where do I turn?

AA
I want to assure everyone here that I have tried to take everyone's advice and information with regards to AA. I have been through the yellow pages, I have been on the web. I have called 18 numbers that were given to me from numbers that I called originally trying to find where there was a meeting. I called the names of the people in my area that have published themselves as a reaching hand and yet five of those people that I left messages for have not called me back. If I have to be on my own to quit drinking then so be it. The same way I quit smoking cold turkey. I don't have to fight with myself much at this point because I don't want to drink. I really don't want to drink and I don't want to get a drink but I still want to find someone from AA that I can actually talk to on the phone. In this area it has been the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. In the meantime, I will go to a therapist if needed. I even picked out a webiste with therapists on line, but they only take paypal and I am waiting for the funds to become available. Believe me everyone, I am going to do this. In the meantime I am looking for some advice on how I should handle the fact that my wife is coming home. Thank you

Why don't you show your wife this thread, and then talk about it with her? Make sure that you have something hooked up with AA BEFORE you do.
(Don't drop it on her as soon as she walks in......give her a chance to relax).

I am sure that she is feeling as much trepidation as you about this homecoming.

I remember that numb feeling. Underneath that numbness was a TRUCKLOAD of resentments and anger. Don't even consider arguing with her, her pile of ammunition far out weighs yours. If she picks a fight with you just agree with her, she will burn out eventually.
If she asks you what are you doing to change yourself, what will you tell her?
As far as how you will live under the same roof, ask her what she feels comfortable with. If you don't agree with her decision, read the acceptance paragraph.

GET A MEETING LIST FOR YOUR AREA, AND THEN DRIVE TO IT, OPEN THE DOOR, AND WALK INSIDE.

Maybe the reason you can't find an AA meeting is the same reason a thief can't find a COP!

AA
I finally found a number for AA. I called it and I have a meeting today at 1:15pm.

Good for you!

Re: AA

Good Job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some simple but important suggestions-

DON'T LEAVE without getting a meeting book.
Get there early and ask people where there are other strong/healthy meetings.
Get at least one phone # and ask when is the best time to call.
If you have the courage, state your name and say your new and you need help.

Help Needed--

How did your AA meeting go?

My First AA Meeting
Wow, what an experience. It was a small meeting of about 7 or 8 people but the support was great. It took me about 30 minutes to admit my problem and say 4 more sentences, but everyone was patient and waited for me to finish. It was a major outlet for me. it is starting to make me realize that even though my marriage is important, me defeating this disease is even more important than that. If the marriage fails it won't make any difference at all if I am still a drunk.

Didn't it feel good to do something positive for yourself.
Try and make a plan to get to one tomorrow if you can.

A superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.
Author: Confucius

AA Meeting
I decided to go to another one tonight and it was very humbling. So many people that are so supportive. I never realized how much my wife has gone through with my drunkeness. I will consider myself very lucky if our relationship survives but I know that I will be a different person regardless. I am going to continue going on a daily basis. Thank you everyone. Day 5 drink free.

Help needed--

You are making some very sensible decisions--and carrying them out. Some Neo-Dries it helpful to do at least one meeting a day for a month or so.

Remember, you spend a lot of time in the past drinking and you're going to have to spend a lot of time in the future learning not to drink.

You're also going to have to learn People Skills that you didn't need facing the world from inside a bottle.

Do you have an AA sponsor?

Besides not drinking getting a sponsor is probably the most imporant thing a person in your situation can do.
Things to consider when choosing one-

Do THEY have a sponsor, one must practice what they preach.
Do they sound peaceful when they speak? As one thinks in his mind or heart, so is he, so is the lifestyle that follows.
I would go with someone that has long term sobriety (at least 5 years) that attends meetings at least 3 times a week. And has been through the steps!!!!!!!!!
It is o.k. to ask a potential sponsor these questions, if they get offended then you don't want them.

I don't mean to deluge you with to much info, it's just that these things do make a difference.

Keep us abreast, we care :-)

Update
Here it is day # 7 with no alcohol. My wife has since come home and left again. She did not feel it was comfortable to stay here while I was here. Even though I am going through help, she needs the time to work on herself for how I conditioned her. She left this morning and it was very hard for me to let her go, but I have to accept it. She is currently traveling back to friends down south to stay. Is there somewhere that she can get help like I am? I have been going to AA for 3 days and have gone to 5 meetings. Today I went to an all mens meeting and got a sponsor. I am starting to think clearer, see clearer and hear clearer at this point and I have starting getting the full understanding of what effect my alcoholism had on others...especially my wife. I feel terrible for that. I never thought of myself as an alcoholic. I always thought of an alcoholic as someone who had no control over their life in any manner. I didn't have a problem at work. I came home every day and drank, but not always to get drunk. I didn't realize that you didn't necessarily have to get drunk for it to affect your life. Now that I have not had a drink for 7 days, I am feeling much different. I am going to stay with this. I am going to recover in time and when I do I can only hope that those that I hurt will forgive me. Right now I need to work on me.......

GOOD JOB! Your doing so good! I was worried about you.
What goes through the mind of a woman in these circumstances, hmmm. It is very confusing to be in love with someone when there is alot of pain in the relationship. Let her have her space so her wounds can heal a bit. If you are meant to be together she will be there when the time is right, mean while you have time on your hands that will alow you to work on yourself, keep going to meetings, and try to speak and get to know people if you can.
Guilt serves a purpose for a short while, it is necessary to realize the affect our behaviors have had on loved ones, but AA will teach you how to rid yourself of guilt and view your past experiences as learning lessons. Everybody get's learning lessons, and we will get them over and over again until we learn them.
It would benefit anyone who has lived with an alcoholic to go to Al-anon.
Keep up the good work. And no matter what your wife does KEEP GOING TO MEETINGS!

The pain is unbearable
Lot's of guilt..lots of pain..

Help needed--

Congratulations. Getting a sponsor is a big step, as is recognizing that your wife needs time alone.

Remember, you used to spend a lot of time drinking--now you'll have to spend an equal amount of time Not Drinking.



Keep posting.

Re: The pain is unbearable


Tries to soften your guilt and pain with lots of love....

((((((HELP NEEDED)))))))))

PS- We all make mistakes in life....but you are showing just how special a person you really, truely are.

Re: The pain is unbearable


This to shall pass.

I just came from another meeting
I went to the mid day meeting today and of course ever since day one, I haven't shut up at all. I still can't speak without braking up, and the others are still telling me that what I am doing takes alot of guts especially so early. That helps. I can't help to think about my wife alot and I bounce back and forth from guilt.

I have had much time to reflect within my own mind about me and what I have done in my life. I have always existed to "Take Care" of those around me and never doing anything to better me other than drink a beer everyday or drink something else to make me feel better. Today I learned that I have a hard time believing in or doing something for myself.