What's a girl to do?

Reply Sun 8 Jan, 2017 08:24 pm
So my husband and I had been married a little over 3 years. When we were dating we first broke up because of long distance (we were both in the military and I got out) and he just wasn't IN love with me but we talked everyday and ended up getting back together. About half a year later we got married. During that time my now husband is still in the military and I was dealing with depression. When I'm depressed I eat. So I ate my way through depression and gained a lot of weight. And I mean A LOT. Recently my husband went back to California to be with his family for Christmas (we haven't spent a Christmas together since we have been married either because I was sick or working and couldn't go with him ). I felt a little like my feelings didn't matter because he wouldn't even bother to stay with me and take care of me when I had pneumonia one Christmas. About two weeks ago after he got home he and I had a talk since it seemed like all we did was fight. It turns out he had been thinking about how he still "hadn't fallen in love with me yet" but he says that he does love me. Divorce has been on our minds but neither of us want to go through with it. We spoke with a chaplain so I thought helped but my husband thought otherwise and when we got home proceeded to ask me what the reason was that we were still together because in the span of an hour he forgot. He still talks to me like he wants to have a future and stay married and have kids but I'm not sure how I feel anymore. Should I stay with and have the children of a man who is not in love with me after 5 years of being together? Is it worth it to keep trying?
Reply Sun 8 Jan, 2017 08:34 pm
I think you know the answer.

Are you still getting counseling from chaplain? If not find another counselor ASAP.

You need to work on origin of your depression. But, honestly, being married to a man who is openly telling you that he does not love you would be very depressing.

Kudos to him for being honest but shame on him for being a fake.

Don't bring children into this. It isn't fair to any child to bring them into a family where mom and dad don't love each other.
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Reply Mon 9 Jan, 2017 08:35 am
I would also advice (in addition to @Punkey's excellent ideas) to talk to your primary care physician and see about being referred over to a registered dietician. I have been there with weight (as in, I was pushing 350 pounds 9 years ago). You can turn it around. I know you can do this. But you need support - and being depressed does not help with it one iota.

You deserve to be happy.
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