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Too independent to marry

 
 
Mall12
 
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 05:49 pm
I have always longed for love and affection and now that I am finally engaged I am not sure I will be a good wife. I think I may be too independent and that might take a toll on our relationship. I don't want my husband telling me where to work, if I should drive or take the train, and if I don't answer his phone I hate it when he asks me what I was doing (he isn't doubtful, it is just a general question but it still annoys me). I don't live with him yet, but I am scared to lose my space once we get married and move in. Anyone else had this problem?
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 05:53 pm
@Mall12,
I have been married for almost 25 years. My husband has never told me where to work, whether to drive or take the train.

If you think this stuff annoys you now, it'll probably annoy you in 5 years, 10, 15, etc.

Have you tried to talk to him about how this makes you feel? If you haven't, then do so now, before the wedding. And if you try, and he doesn't make an effort to see your side of things, consider what that might mean.
Mall12
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 05:58 pm
@jespah,
Where to work and the commute situation was out of concern of my safety, but I told him not to put such restrictions on me. But I will talk to him further if there is a job opportunity I really want. I let it go because this was a conversation that was not relevant to me now and because in some ways I don't care about his opinion.

But he can be too clingy. He tells me everyday that we don't see each other how much he misses me. That is cute for some people but I get annoyed because I don't understand how he can miss me in one day when I don't miss him like that.
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 06:07 pm
@Mall12,
At least you're aware of his "clinginess."
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 06:42 pm
@Mall12,
I could see my husband expressing concern over where or how I might be traveling, or if I worked in a dangerous area, but he trusts my judgement. I'd feel the same way about him, and we would talk about it.

It concerns me that you are putting such conversations on the back burner because it's not relevant to you now. I'm sure you see how when subjects you've choosen to ignore come back up (and they will), it will be more difficult.

If you are planning on marrying, things that are important to each of you need to be brought up and decided upon before the marriage.

I'm very independant too Mall12, and I've been married 23 years. I have never dealt well with clingy, "cute" behavior, which is the basis ususally for this "I miss you so much" stuff.

If you are independant, then surely you won't mind not marrying this particular person until you find someone more suitable.

You might want to find someone who is also independant, and who you will be an equal partner with.



0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Wed 4 Jan, 2017 08:18 am
Multiply those little "irritations by 100 after you are married.

He does not have the same temperament as you do. Sorry, but unless his insecurity gets under control, he will use you to boost it for him.
0 Replies
 
 

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