1
   

Sexual assault or cheating???

 
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 10:17 am
@TomTomBinks,
TomTomBinks wrote:
After all that, she should have known he was expecting sex.


tough on him.

if she didn't tell him directly that she wanted to have sex with him, he had absolutely no business doing anything sexual with her

__

I hope that she sought testing immediately afterward to confirm whether or not she had been drugged (which is my suspicion) as well as testing a few weeks later to check re STD's

If not, I hope she's learned a lesson or several.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 10:19 am
@Confusedgirl1234,
Confusedgirl1234 wrote:
I wasn't looking at him when he got it.


this is definitely a lesson I hope you've now learned

women here are constantly given the message to get their own drinks and to not let anyone else touch the drinks
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 10:21 am
@Confusedgirl1234,
Confusedgirl1234 wrote:
I just don't know why this guy had to come on to me like an animal and not take the hints from how me and my friend were acting.


at some point you're going to have to tell the man how you felt about what happened

it may take a while til you feel calm/strong enough to do it - but he needs to know that you felt that what happened was wrong
0 Replies
 
giujohn
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 10:44 am
@Confusedgirl1234,
Equivocate means that you're making excuses for your behavior. You made the mistake here; you need to own it. I would safely say that you were not drugged. If you honestly don't recall some of the circumstances it's probably because you're blocking it out from all the guilt. Humans do stupid things all the time. If you can't get over the guilt tell your boyfriend and if he breaks up with you those are the consequences of your actions that you'll have to adjust too. Either way you have no choice but to move on.
0 Replies
 
giujohn
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 10:51 am
@glitterbag,
glitterbag wrote:

I think you gave her bad advice. Its a little like telling women not to wear red panties or they could be tempting a rapist.


The problem with glitterbags way thinking is that it diminishes people who were actually raped and sexually assaulted. This was not rape or sexual assault this was a case of buyer's remorse. She's obviously emotionally and sexually immature and got caught up in an adult game where afterward she realized she bit off more than she could chew. Just because she can not emotionally handle the consequences of her actions is no reason to scream rape.

For all the cries of equality for the sexes I wonder if a guy was telling the story would we be talking about sexual assault?
TomTomBinks
 
  0  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 11:08 am
@ehBeth,
She also wrote that she "Did stuff with him" so that he would stop... If she was "doing stuff", how else can the guy interpret it but that she wanted sex? I'd like to know who took her clothes off. If she went to bed fully clothed and didn't want sex, there was no way he could have gotten her clothes off besides full on assault. If she got naked or nearly so and then got into bed with him, and was "doing stuff", she clearly gave consent by her actions.
Confusedgirl1234
 
  2  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 11:15 am
@TomTomBinks,
No that shouldn't have suggested sex. Me and him never flirted or anything prior to that. We said we would pay our part of the hotel. We just wanted to sleep. You're probably one of those guys who thinks just because you buy a girl a drink she owes you something. Maybe he's one of those guys too. I know how to share a bed with the opposite sex and not have sex. I know how to have guy friends. I never came on to this guy. I laid down and kept to myself expecting to sleep and that's when he started with my friend. I laid on the opposite end of the bed and she was in the middle.
giujohn
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 11:23 am
@Confusedgirl1234,
There's a fine line between naïveté and stupid.
0 Replies
 
Confusedgirl1234
 
  2  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 11:25 am
@TomTomBinks,
You're probably one of those guys who thinks just because you buy a girl a drink that she owes you something. We all said we would pay part of the hotel. As far as I know we all wanted to sleep. He was never hands on with us prior, me and him never flirted, my friend even said she never saw it coming. I'm and adult who knows how to share a bed with the opposite sex even when I was single I was able to share a bed with guys I was actually attracted to with out there being any touching. I expected him to be respectful to us and be an adult and not try to throw his self all over us. He's a grown man who seemed to have manners but I guess he doesn't and decides to become an animal. I slept on the opposite side of the bed where my friend was in the middle until he started to mess with her and then me. So basically men aren't ever to be trusted and always expect sex. Is that what you're saying ? Guys and girls can't be friends ? I have a lot of guy friends who would never dare to do anything if they were in this situation.
Confusedgirl1234
 
  2  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 11:29 am
@giujohn,
I never said rape. I feel very violated. I didn't ever tell him yes, I didn't throw myself on to this guy, I didn't act as if I enjoyed what he was doing.
Confusedgirl1234
 
  2  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 11:31 am
@TomTomBinks,
I went to bed fully clothed. I was wearing a very long skirt and he kept putting his hands on me. I never got naked. My clothes stayed on. He's wouldn't stop putting his hands on me. I don't know how he didn't see me grabbing at my friends shoulder or hear me asking her to help me over and over
0 Replies
 
giujohn
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 11:32 am
@Confusedgirl1234,
Booze...Hotel room...Bed..BOOZE...And your participation, "Doing stuff"... what part of this equation are you confused by?
Confusedgirl1234
 
  2  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 11:34 am
@giujohn,
Doesn't mean sex. I know how to hang out with the opposite sex. Just because someone is the opposite sex doesn't mean you want to have sex with them just because you drink or stay in the same place. It really doesn't.
0 Replies
 
giujohn
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 11:36 am
@Confusedgirl1234,
Confusedgirl1234 wrote:

I never said rape. I feel very violated. I didn't ever tell him yes, I didn't throw myself on to this guy, I didn't act as if I enjoyed what he was doing.


I assume that you were free to leave that room at any point...Correct? If I don't like the movie I get up and leave. If I felt violated I'd get up and run.
Confusedgirl1234
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 11:51 am
@giujohn,
You don't know how you're going to act when you're out in a situation like that. I never thought that I'd be in a situation like that. I froze up idk why. I didn't move. I wanted him to think I was asleep and just stop. Even if I was single I would feel this way. Except if I was single and we had prior experiences of sexual tentsion or flirting I would only then maybe understand him thinking I wanted something but that's not the case. We never had anything between us. I talked to him about his relationships, he was very into one of my friends he met weeks back then very interested in my friend he met that night. He talked with her a lot. The only thing I saw was maybe he might try to kiss her but that was between them. I was a third person and I had one other friend who was there but left once the bars closed I spent a lot of time talking with that girl friend. So I don't see how being in the same place tells him I want sex
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 11:54 am
@TomTomBinks,
TomTomBinks wrote:
If she got naked or nearly so and then got into bed with him, and was "doing stuff", she clearly gave consent by her actions.


no

PUNKEY
 
  0  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 12:02 pm
Doesn't sound like there was intercourse, but there may have been pawing, petting, taking advantage of, molesting, being taken advantage of . . .

She has not answered the question of WHAT she plans to tell her boyfriend since now she alludes to being fully clothed, too drunk to get up, didn't resist
but didn't consent either.

I'm confused. The BF will be too, if she tells him.

Confusedgirl1234
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 12:03 pm
@ehBeth,
And that wasn't the case. I Kept my clothes all on, I kept my shirt even tucked into my skirt. I laid to myself on the opposite end of the bed from him and kept to myself until my friend started being touched and everything happened. Again I didn't signal to him, I didn't invite him to touch me.
0 Replies
 
Confusedgirl1234
 
  1  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 12:08 pm
@PUNKEY,
That's because I don't know what to tell him!? Who knows what or how to tell their s/o something like this ??

I was fully clothed. I went to bed with everything on, woke up with everything on. I was wearing a long skirt that went down to my toes. I froze up in the situation and didn't know how to handle it and couldn't get the words out of my mouth, and wanted to basically play ******* dead so he would stop but he didn't care I guess if I was asleep or not.
PUNKEY
 
  0  
Reply Tue 3 Jan, 2017 12:15 pm
@Confusedgirl1234,
That's because I don't know what to tell him!?

God girl, WHAT happened then? We are all confused.

Did he make you touch HIM?
Did he touch you outside of your clothes?
0 Replies
 
 

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