hot in person, cold via text

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okay, i did something so out of the ordinary for me. so we've been on 2 dates, of which the second turned into an overnight stay. we slept in the next day until 12 and he was so sweet and cuddly and pancakes and coffee and kisses. then i got up to leave he was holding hands and kissing me and telling me about how sad he was when his dog died as a child This was last saturday/sunday. And he was full of plans, invited me to a party at his place this Saturday and even asked me to join him on New Year's eve. Before i left, he kissed me and told me he had a great time and quote "I hope to see you very soon".
But, i realized he doesn't really text me that much or connect in any way in-between meetings. He wrote me on Monday, something like "Good morning", how is the presentation?. I said it went really well he said "great" and thats it. Tuesday the same story. On wed he sent me a pic of a menu of his favorite place in my hometown (in which he had lived for over a year) and the caption "Man, i miss this place" and then not much. And thats it! Nothing today. To me, his communication habits seem downright cold! I am thinking of not going to his party on Sat, even though i want to see him again badly! Should i go to the party? and if i do, how should i act? He is the first foreign guy (American) i've ever dated, I'm from a different country, so is this normal? is he for real or what? whats going on? Please help me!

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 2,297 • Replies: 13

'To me, his communication habits seem downright cold!"

NO_O_O_O . . . it sounds like a man. Most men don't like to text about mundane things. He IS keeping in touch.

Don't screw this up. Accept that he's not a texter and take him as he is. He sounds nice.

You are coming off as too needy, IMHO.

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@PUNKEY,

I agree with you Punkey.
He sounds like a nice guy, who just does not want to text all the time.
Something to be pleased about in these days. A man who can talk and not just spend time at his mobilphone.

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They're right. Don't **** it up. He just isn't a texter.

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@Mspeppermintea,

Some people don't like to text <raises hand>

Some people prefer to communicate in person <raises hand>

Some people don't feel the need to be in contact all the time <raises hand>

If you like him, spend time with him.

If you're going to judge him based on his texting habits, do him a favour and end things now. You will just make him miserable if you try to make him text more.

Have you considered phoning him now and then (like every other day) instead of waiting for texting to happen?

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@Mspeppermintea,

We are all in agreement here.

If he were hot in text and cold in person... that would be a problem.

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@Mspeppermintea,

Thank you guys for keeping me in check.
Yeah, so now he is doing that thing again, asked me whats up this friday, and when I proceeded to reply he just went silent. Ughhh!

2 Replies

@Mspeppermintea,

In a good relationship, you communicate what you need and you compromise.

Why not talk to this guy about your frustration? Let him know how to make you happy, and that for you communication by text is important. He probably doesn't know how you feel. Posting your frustrations here doesn't help (unless he happens to be reading what you wrote).

When you talk to him, make sure that you can compromise. This is your issue, not his... don't blame for doing something that many people wouldn't mind.

But you can say "I really like receiving texts from you, it makes me feel wanted" (or whatever you feel). Positive feedback (saying "thank you" when he does something right) is always better than negative feedback (complaining when he doesn't do what you like).

I think you would be foolish to make this a big issue if the rest of the relationship is good. But there is nothing wrong with communicating with a lover about what makes you feel special.

Make sure you are listening to what he wants as well.

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@Mspeppermintea,

Mspeppermintea wrote:

whats up this friday

that's today. call him and ask him if he wants to get together tonight.

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@Mspeppermintea,

Thanks guys! In response to the whats up this friday text, i told him that i have a xmas function thing at the university and asked him what he was up to tonight, and he just replied "company party". So i just said okay then, Have fun. And thats it! 6 words in total today. To me, it doesn't seem like he wants to talk with me. Bleh, maybe i'll just see how it goes tomorrow @his party.

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@Mspeppermintea,

The first encounter after having sex on 2nd date (huge huge big big mistake!). I went to his party and it was horrible! He was acting all weird and awkward and didn't even pay special attention to me. So I had a bit of fun and told him I was taking off. He was surprised I was leaving so soon, and I told him that I was expecting a different kind of treatment. He apologized and said he was only doing this because he wants to take things slow, but that doesn't change the way how he feels about me. How does he feel about me? He said he really likes me but he doesn't know anything about me yet. So I said me too and left.
And now he just texted me the usual Good morning, thanks for coming and I "hope to see you again soon" crap and I just lost my cool. I said that I was new to this dating thing and i may not have understood some sort of protocol. But I do know that how he had changed since last time was not cool. And I went on and told him that hoping doesn't really count, asking would have done the job.
His response to that text: Are you free Tuesday evening?
Guys, I think I'm being played. Do you agree? I had resolved to not see him again. Do you think I'm being reasonable? HELP MEEEEE!

3 Replies

@Mspeppermintea,

I'm not clear on what he did wrong.

You told him he should ask. He asked. Then you don't like that.

Sounds like you're playing games with him.

Let the poor guy go so he can find a woman who is easier to understand and is less needy. He seems like a nice, honest guy. I'm sure he'll find a nice, easy to deal with woman.

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@Mspeppermintea,

Mspeppermintea wrote:

didn't even pay special attention to me.

Do you think I'm being reasonable?

you're one of many guests at a party - no need to pay special attention to you.

are you being reasonable? if he were my real life friend, I'd suggest he find a woman who didn't have so many expectations

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@Mspeppermintea,

You're a high maintenance spaz. He'll probably not want to date you unless you tone it down and stop thinking the worst of him

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hot in person, cold via text

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