When Trump goes to visit Putin, I'm counting on a serious visual production. Trump and Putin standing on the high bleacher as tanks and missiles and three thousand perfectly synchronized jack-boot high kickers go past. Trump and Putin waving. For the folks back home, a photograph of Trump in front of Saint Basil's Cathedral, being a rascal, with an onion on top of his head. And then that night, the very pinnacle of Russian society beneath Putin and Trump in the royal balcony, gather for an array of Russian performers. Lights dim, spotlight to curtain at stage left... an odd looking man appears. He seems surprised with all the classy people. He tentatively moves to center stage, spotlight follows. He reaches down and pulls a potato out of his shoe. Ah, a magician. He pulls out another. And another. Until there are eight potatoes. Then he places one on his nose. He's a bit wobbly. Then another potato on top of the first. Then another until he is juggling eight potatoes on his nose.
Cut to Putin who turns to see Trump's reaction. Trump is tweeting. Putin, with a wave, dismisses potato man. Brief silence. Then from stage left and right, moving to center, four bare-chested Russian weight lifters with barbells. At the same instant, they drop the barbells and step back and in the silence the sound is deafening. Spotlight hits the weightlifter second from the left. Audience roars. He lifts his arms and flexes his bicepts. Audience roars louder. Then we notice that the weightlifter on the far right has stepped up to his barbell and lifted it over his head in victory. The audience leaps to its feet at the cheekiness of the move. The other weightlifter is enraged and charges him but hits weightlifter number three who is the brother of weightlifter number one (so noted in the program). They all begin fighting. The lights go up. A siren somewhere. Blood is splashing into the air and over the first two or three rows. Camera to Putin looking over at Trump. Trump is grabbing some woman's pussy. Putin raises his arms and snaps his fingers and pouring out from either side of the stage and from behind the curtain, the female members of the Bolshoi, in beauty pageant swimwear. Their dance is choreographed around the fighting weightlifters. They get splattered with blood as they pirouette and gambol. Camera to Putin who has a sponge in his hand and another that he gives to Trump. Lights dim and the two world leaders leave the balcony to clean up the dancers.
Audience is delirious. Fox viewers are delirious. What could follow that? What could further bond these two great nations and two great peoples?
Only one act... the Red Army and the Leningrad Cowboys performing Sweet Home Alabama.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jrg0X9H6FGU