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Sister and ex friend become close and I feel betrayed

 
 
Agent
 
Reply Wed 16 Nov, 2016 08:40 am
I had a friend for over 30 years. in the last few years (maybe longer) of our friendship I felt she was getting more and more passive agressive. A few times she would meet new friends and intentionally alienate me. I could never figure out what I did to make her this way to me but I'm sure there's somthing.. Anyway a few years ago she lost her job and wanted to take a trip away and asked to visit my sister. She visited for a few weeks and I guess they became friends and they stayed in touch on FB or wherever. When my sister came out for a vacation this friend calls me to speak to her. She did this a few times with no interest in speaking with me. I was told by my sister when they made plans, that I was invited if I wanted to come.. I really felt betrayed. Maybe by both or maybe more so by my sister. At some point I told my sister how I felt. my sister,at first, tells me that they weren't really friends, that she thought she was a bit weird and their relationship was more patient/Doctor. So I said why then hang out with her if she knows it upsets me. Then she got upset and said why can't she be friends with her. I don't even know what all happened after that but fast forward to my sisters third trip back where she's still hanging out with the ex friend. I brought it up again that I still feel the same way and this time it became a real argument. She feels I'm being stupid. she said she will have to be honest to the friend and let her know that my feelings are putting a stain on things so she can no longer be friends with her. At his point I don't know anymore how I feel about their friendship. But I do know that my relationship with my sister is not what I thought. So here I am on this discussion with no questions. Just if you have any advise, I'd love to hear it.
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Wed 16 Nov, 2016 08:47 am
@Agent,
Your sister has a phone of her own, right?

Then tell her to give her number out to this pal. And if the pal calls your house and asks to speak with your sister, tell her (the pal) to call the sister on the sister's phone. Give out the number and wait for the pal to take note of the number. Then hand the phone to your sister like you would with anyone else.

Next time the pal calls, screen her calls, or even block them. You did your part and there is no reason at all for you to act as their go-between. Block the pal on FB and don't ask about her.

Wash your hands of it and find other things in life to think about.
Agent
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Nov, 2016 09:09 am
@jespah,
She lives in a different country so she doesn't use her phone here. Lol. But i get what you're saying. Thanks Jespah. 🤗👍
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Nov, 2016 09:13 am
@Agent,
Spend $10 and buy your sister a card that will allow her to use her phone internationally.

Stay out of the middle of their relationship.

Your sister sounds like a real piece of work. Isn't there a friend or family member she could stay with instead of you?
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Nov, 2016 09:14 am
@Agent,
this

Agent wrote:
She feels I'm being stupid. she said she will have to be honest to the friend and let her know that my feelings are putting a stain on things so she can no longer be friends with her.


would infuriate me

that your sister can't think of a smarter way to handle things

<shudder>

maybe she should stay with her new friend
Agent
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Nov, 2016 09:49 am
@ehBeth,
Oh, She does have a phone now, but not that first trip back so I'm not being called any more and also She doesn't stay with me. She stays at my parents home when she visits So I'm now completely out of the loop. I just see their pictures on FB. I could block both of them So it could be pretty easy to not have to see or hear about anything. Idk if that will make it all better but would be something
Agent
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Nov, 2016 09:51 am
@ehBeth,
Thank you. I feel like my feelings where so marginalized.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  5  
Reply Wed 16 Nov, 2016 10:05 am
@Agent,
Start by unfollowing them on FB. You can stay friends (and be out of the loop) without unfriending/blocking. It's a slightly less messy way to do it.
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Wed 16 Nov, 2016 10:17 am
@ehBeth,
Definitely unfollow. It's as if you had a Facebook friend who was studying to be a surgeon and decided to post their homework online.

You do not need to see that.
0 Replies
 
Agent
 
  2  
Reply Wed 16 Nov, 2016 02:23 pm
@ehBeth,
Oops. I meant strain not stain.
0 Replies
 
Agent
 
  2  
Reply Wed 16 Nov, 2016 02:26 pm
@ehBeth,
Thanks
0 Replies
 
 

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