Am I crazy or is porn OK?

If he wants to jack off to porn...let 'em...especially if you are not interested in sex.

What do you care how he gets off?

so he looks at porn and you can't stay out of his business....a masturbator and a snoop....who's to say which is worse?

Hi Unhappy Heart,

There have been a lot of threads on this topic -- have you had a chance to look around at all of them?

There are of course many perspectives, but a lot of people here have the same basic reaction to these stories -- that porn isn't such a big deal unless it is made to be. It can definitely be hurtful, and the fact that you are so hurt means it can't be discounted. The fact that you are so hurt means that something has to be done, and I'd suggest professional counselling.

frank and bi-- as much as i like you both...(i read everything by bi, and have read lots of posts by you, frank...) i wish you two would have chimed in later. i hardly ever agree with what you say frank, but i always understand your views, i think. bi, you are just very very funny and i like your personality...still couldn't you guys have waited for a few more of the sozobe's or nimh's or jespah's to respond, before you took this gal out?

i hope she comes back...she may have been a good member of this group elsewhere...like me.

I missed the original post, but I have a pretty good idea what it was about from the replies. I wish the poster would have left it as it was. I'm with Pam, Unhappy Heart should come back and perhaps not jump to conclusions about this site and it's posters. My Spidey-sense tells me that this kind of 'run and retreat' behaviour may be part of the original problem/issue, and something worth discussing.

I wasn't trying to take her out hon.....I just honestly don't see why she's making such a big deal of it and MY spidey sense told me she was a man basher and C...she violated his privacy by snooping through his things.......everything the fault of the bad old man....gimme a break.....meanwhile thank you for the kind words Pam...please still love me....my self esteem is fragile and beneath this gruff exterior beats the heart of a frightened little boy......will you please hold me?

PS a rule I live by...... if you don't want to see something you might not like....stay away from where you haven't been invited.....

i agree with you, bi. and yes, i will hold you.

Thanks Pam....can we get it on video?

Now I'm really sorry I missed the original post. I'll hold you BPB, as long as you don't mind the blood stains on the clown suit.

As for your post that I just noticed, I agree. Mrs. cav keeps journals, and found one in the bottom of our closet that fell out of a bag she tossed in there. Her first question to me: "I want you to be completely honest. Did you read this?"

I looked at the book, and realized I had never seen the frigging thing. "No, why?"

"Well I found it in the bottom of the closet."

"And why was it there?"

"Oh, I guess it fell out of my bag."

I hope the lesson in this parable rings true to everyone regarding snooping, and accusations thereof.

I agree, bear. And here's one I live by: Don't ask questions if you don't want answers.

I often wonder if women who are seriously threatened by porn have self-esteem issues. Can you imagine a guy saying he wouldn't watch it because the men in those films made him feel inferior?! Really now, it's just entertainment. Just because a man enjoys looking at porn doesn't mean he actually expects women to be like that in real life...any more than women actually expect men to be like the heroes in romance novels. It's just fantasy. Why not watch it together? You're both adults and married...no reason you can't use it for play. Loosen up!

That said, if he is using it INSTEAD of having sex with his wife when she is available, he definitely has problems. And I can see how she would resent that. But in that case, it's not the porn that's the problem, it's his avoidance.

i agree with you, eva. and i think you are right on target about the self esteem issue.

here is a point that i would like to get across: it's fine to advise..."Loosen up!" and the like, but there are some who need to be eased into this idea. i think a lot of women who have not ever been exposed to porn in their lives can be quite taken aback when it's "found." It's almost as if she suspected, she snooped, she found, she blew up, she confronted,blah, blah, etc ... point is, she needs to go through this search (by "search" I mean to google it up, try to talk about it, spend time thinking about it) to figure out if she can "loosen up."

in her search, she gets attention from spouse. the attention that most likely she was craving.

now, here is a fabulous forum with many caring people from all walks of life...she gets to ask her questions amongst strangers so that she will not be embarrassed, and look what she gets right off the bat.

i think that she could have benefitted from more sensitive posts at first...and then maybe she could have been encouraged to read all of the other porn threads...and then voila! give her some time, and she can begin her own self exploration and begin to loosen up a little.

i'll wrap it up here with...the next time a gal comes on here asking for help because her hubby uses porn...(and we know it will be soon!) be kind and gentle at first, welcome her into the group, and then i think you're really helping.

I agree, PamO.

awww, i feel all warm inside now. you guys were great to me...

now i think i will go try to seduce mr. pamo.

can you post some images of that Pam0?

PamOh, remember that prevert that was following you around Houston?...nudge nudge...wink wink

Sorry if I was a bit harsh...I was just giving my take on the title of the thread. I agree, it could take her some time to "loosen up." It took me awhile, too. About a week. (heehee)

Porn is not always a good thing... Especially when sex addicts are concerned. I personally think porn leads to promiscuity and unfaithful marriages. People like Scott Peterson, and other slime bags... I don't think young people should be exposed to porn and I think you are all making too much light of it. The world is oversexed as it is. Look at Africa and all of the aids cases, point made... After the tobacco companies are bust they will be going after the porn people next. Maybe rightly so. Is it cheating when you fantasize about cheating? Some people think yes! There are very few couples in love these days. I don't think the final word is in yet. I will reserve my judgment with a bit of moderation. Is porn any different than polygamy or adultery? Not by much.

What exactly is your point? That porn caused the aids cases in Africa?