HELP Snooping should i tell him or not

For God's sake Set! Get down from your pulpit and off Phoenix's back. Your post was right on the money and illustrated the need for more information. Now take your humble carcass back to the politics threads. Laughing

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By the say Set, I am not a self-righteous busybody by any means.

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the number of self-righteous busybodies willing to hand out advice on little or no information is depressing . .

Set- If the question were not asked, I would have no reason to offer an opinion!

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I have been with my partner for 8 years and im concerneed. He lies sometimes about silly thing

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I only did it cause i had an inclination that he was lying he lies about things like htis

Anyway tell me what you think

The person asked what I thought, and I did!

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I've not said that you are Montana. The remark was directed at Phoenix, and i don't withdraw it.

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First, Fishin' wrote:

Unless there is some major repercussiuon to you that you haven't mentioned that will result from him not transferring the money there isn't any point in confronting anyone unless you are just in a mood to fight with someone over something that seems fairly minor at this point.

To which, in reply, bjj wrote:

No there is not a major repercussion he just said that he would do it. I know but doesnt his liaring have repercussions.I mean does this mena that he thinks he can get away with lying to me

However, after critical questions, bjj wrote:

Sorry for the lack of info
Thnaks for your advice but i think ti really helped i guess i am pushing him around too much it is just that we want to move in with each other next year and he has been in som seroious finacial prbolems

Which raises several questions: Why are his financial transactions to be considered anyone else's business? Why does bjj first contend there are no repercussions, but now contends that he has been in some serious financial problems? Whose veracity are we questioning here? Someone please remind me.

On the basis of the extremely limited information provided here, it is just outrageous to label a stranger a pathological liar.

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BTW, why on earth would you want to share a home with someone who is a pathological liar? That would drive me nuts!

Set- OK, I defer to your "take" on this situation. I think that my conclusion WAS too strong. I will amend it to read,

"BTW, why on earth would you want to share a home with someone who has lied to you in the past That sort of behavior would drive me nuts!"

Better?

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Yes, that is better. Now all we need to do is establish whether or not this poster is telling us the truth.

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The difficulty that I have with posters that I have not interacted with for some time in the relationships forum, is that there are a number of unknowns:

Are they putting us on? Is the entire post a joke?

If the scenario that is presented is true, how much understanding do they have of the situation?

Are they looking to project blame on the other individual in the relationship, and not accepting responsibility for their actions?

So my attitude is that unless I learn differently, I will accept what the person wrote as the truth. "Innocent until proven guilty".

Until then, I can only extrapolate from what the person has written.

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Ok sorry for all the confusion im new to this
Anyway he is not a pathologial liar not by any means

he just liars about silly things like i would say have you taken the rubbish out and he would eys and i will come over and it hasnt been taken out. Just stupid things like that.
I think you guys are right maybe im am prutuding too much into his buisness in regards too money however if i dont im the one who has to bail him out when things go wrong. IUf we want to get our own place he needs to get some money together and i feel like if im not on his back all the time about it it he will never ever get som money together.

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just to clear up something else when i said there would be no majr repercussion i ment that it was only a small amlount of money that i asked him to transfer it wasnt like it was hundreds and hundreds of dollars, so it wasnt really that major in terms of the amount

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so isint his finaial situtaion my buisness when i have to bail him out when it all turns sour and not to mention the fact that he owes me quite alot of money

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bjj wrote:

so isint his finaial situtaion my buisness when i have to bail him out when it all turns sour and not to mention the fact that he owes me quite alot of money

IMO, his financial situation/transactions only become your business once the two of you are in a situation where you become liable for debts he creates. Your comments about his finances might cause me to warn to to seriously reconsider getting into a situation where your finances are entangled with his in any way. As long as you are liable for his debts you have no obligation to "bail him out" of anything.

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so isint his finaial situtaion my buisness when i have to bail him out when it all turns sour and not to mention the fact that he owes me quite alot of money

If he owes you money, and if you feel that you need to come to his aid when he has a financial problem, it IS your business.

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I agree with Fishin and Phoenix. If he owes you money and is not financially secure, moving in with him sounds like a very bad idea. You are not responsible for his financial stability and I think you'll no doubt end up carrying him financially if you move in with him.
As far as the lies go, if you're nagging him too much, he should deal with the issue and talk with you about it instead of simply lying.

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montana thnaks for your advice you give really good advice
So is the consensu then that i should tell him i snooped and confront hi m about the lying or let it be
I dont know
Im thinking now i should just let it be it was a small amount of money and its not worth the argument but on the other hand he lied about it
i dont know

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also i knw i dont have to bail him out of situations and im not obliged to it is just that when you are in a relationship with someone you feel obliged too

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bjj
I wouldn't confront him since you did go snooping and it wouldn't be worth having to explain that.
I understand that you feel obligated, but is the obligation worth risking your own financial stability?

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but i kinda upset that he lied to me and i really want to confornt him about it and let him know that i know that he is lying otherwise doesnt it make him feel like he can get away with it
yes but i agree with you on the ohterhand montana maybe i shiuld call it a truce he lied i snopped fair

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It's up to you if you want to tell him, but if it were me, I'd call it even and let it go. He may be getting away with lying, but you're getting away with snooping into his personal bank account.

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true true very ture

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HELP Snooping should i tell him or not

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