My girlfriends 20 year old son.What to do ????

Why did you agree to let him continue to live with you?

Is your girlfriend's daughter also still with you as she was last year?

http://able2know.org/topic/289100-1#post-6008612

I'd recommend family counselling for you and your girlfriend before you get any further involved (you're already crazy involved, but buying a house makes things more perilous).

Thank you ehBeth for the advise !! You are absolutely right, crazy involved is correct !! I just might have to do some counseling soon. Her 16 year old daughter does live with us and has her stuff together and respects and gives me no problem what so ever. Well as for letting her son to move in with us his mom has said she would never throw him out because he has no where to go, so yea guess you could say he is a mamma's boy and not sure if it's my place to tell him to go since i'm just his Mom's boyfriend. The funny thing though is she has tried to throw him out a couple of times before but he gives his pity party to her and she buy's it.

Unless your GF sees this as a problem - and quits putting her head in the sand about it - nothing is going to be done about this.

A 20 year old "boy" with no education and no ambition and a huge sense of entitlement = a disaster in the making. You will never see him moving on and, really, why should he?

Insist on job counseling and family counseling ASAP and couples counseling. your GF needs to help her son become more independent and self sustaining.

Let me guess . . . she was a single mother raising these kids all these years without a male influence in the home?

You hit the nail on the coffin punkey !! He has no ambition and a big sense of entitlement especially if you don't do something for him then look out.I am going to mention about going to counseling for us all. You are absolutely right about her raising 3 kids on her own with very very very little male influence unfortunately. Thank you Punkey so much for your input !!!

is that how he and his mother see it?

In any case, get yourself to counselling - along with your partner.

If you are co-owner of the home you will be living in, you have equal rights to decide who lives in your home.

I would say that unless he's contributing to the household in some way, it is time for him to move out.

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What will you do if your girlfriend again chooses her son over you? is it a deal-breaker?

I suspect your girlfriend and son know that it isn't a deal-breaker for you.

You were already upset about this a year ago - and it seems that the only thing that happened was that you got more involved in the bad family dynamics - without gaining any rights for yourself.

It seems that when i have stepped in a couple of times over them arguing i'm the one that seems to be made out the bad guy and my girlfriend always says to me why don't you ever back me up.Why should i ???
I think that's how her son see's it that i'm just the friend and his mom's boyfriend.
His mom told him lastnight that he will have to start paying rent which is $100.00 a month and he threw a cow saying how about i pay $50.00 every 2 weeks. I'll wait and see how that goes.
He has it great at home but he is very arrogant and disrespectful sometimes. To be honest i would rather see him out and let him see how tough it is out in the real world

You are so right ehBeth about getting more involved in the bad family dynamics iv'e involved myself in. Honestly there have been a few times i have felt like just walking.

Did you and your girlfriend discuss this beforehand?

That we did discuss about him paying $100.00 rent.

He really just needs to grow up.

Did you discuss a strategy of how the discussion would go - where/when/who says what/who backs up etc ?

Not yet, but that will be happening real soon. The sooner he is out the better in my opinion for me at least. Thank you so much for your advice i really appreciate it :-)