The Holy Church of Scatology
Beliefs
Welcome to The Holy Church of Scatology. We believe that the only path
to true spiritual enlightenment is through forming a close, personal
relationship with ****. In essence, **** seems to be a dirty, vile
substance that no one wants to be near. This is only an illusion. It is
there to seperate the enlightened from the dim-witted. Only the truly
knowing people will find the closer relationship that can bring them to
spiritual highs of unimaginable levels.
Balance
We have a Yin Yang type philosophy. There are three basic forms that the **** takes on; loose, hard, and thick n' chunky. Loose and hard are on the borders. One must create the ultimate unison by fusing these two powers together to create the thick n' chunky.
Conversion
Conversion is simple. It is a proccess of learning all of our values and going through a basic right of passage. The first step in that passage is craptism. After denouncing all that is not ****, you are dunked into a large tub of liquified poo. This purifies your soul. The next step is a personal journey. You must spiritually travel to the Other Plane, and reach the Holy City of Crappa. Once there, you will be met by a monk of the Realm who will bless you, after which you will join in a Feast of the Mighty. You will eat first of the loose and hard seperately, and then you will mix them
together and taste of the melange. The priests will then rub your body
down with annointment scented with crap extract, and you will be
returned to your corporeal form.
The Anti-Crap
The Anti-Crap is a being of pure evil. It dwells in the bladder like a beast, exiting only through the urethra. We are always drinking beer, as that seems to help force it out of us. We try to release it often, and we never let it get close to the Sacred ****.
Practices
Our practices are diverse and numerous. We will give you a brief
overview in this section.
Games
We love to play games. Our favorite games are Craps and Scattergories. Our versions differ from the traditional ones, but then again ours are the versions of the enlightened.
The Fast and Feast of the Brown
This is a holiday of ours. First, we go a month without allowing bowel movement. At the end of the month we gather together in a communal shitting. We then dive into the pile and feast, becoming one with our Deity. In this, each of us makes that journey to Crappa once more, and our souls are purged and saved from the influences of the Anti-Crap.
Prayer
We pray daily in the holy language of Scatin. We pray that the loose and hard will join together and ward off the Anti-Crap. We pray that the people of the world will see the light, and join us on our holiest of journeys.
Join Us
To Join us contact our leader, The Great Poo. His e-mail address is
[email protected]. We hope to see you in our ranks soon.
