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Should I call/text her after a month?

 
 
Reply Fri 20 May, 2016 08:37 am
So there's this girl who's really sweet and maybe shy. We would bump into each other at work and chat a bit, but not more than a minute or so because it always was very busy (no flirting was involved) Her last day at work she left some important documents on my desk and left. When I finally got around to them I discovered she had left a small piece of paper with her name and number on it. I was actually pretty surprised because this had never happened before to me. So after a few days I called her up and we went for coffee. It went well, but it seemed I would initiate most of the conversation. She also mentioned she had some personal issues going on that period several times. Now I have to say I'm not experienced when it comes to dating (this was my first ever) so when I payed for the coffee and walked her to the place she was going to meet her sister (it was in my direction so I offered) because I was still very uncertain of my feelings I didn't initiate a second date idea. We simply kissed on the cheeks (common friendly greeting in my country) and went our separate ways. Now, I decided I was truly uncertain of my feelings but would like to go out with her one more time. On the other hand I felt like I should give her a way out if she didn't feel the same. So I texted her the next day (late hours) telling her how much I enjoyed talking to her and I thanked her for finding the time to see me even though she was preoccupied with other affairs (I never knew what they were; it didn't seem right to ask on a first date) and wished her well on the matter. And afterwards I told her I would be "receptive" (that's as close a word as I can find to what I said in my language) of another outing with her if she found the time and wanted to. She responded likewise and said she would like to talk to me again when her personal affairs allow her to. After a couple weeks I texted her again wishing her happy Easter she responded likewise. It's been a month since our date. Please help!
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Fri 20 May, 2016 08:40 am
@elmo3334,
Call her and ask her if she'd like to go for a walk/coffee.
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  2  
Reply Fri 20 May, 2016 10:28 am
@elmo3334,
Quote:
I enjoyed talking to her and I thanked her for finding the time to see me even though she was preoccupied with other affairs (I never knew what they were; it didn't seem right to ask on a first date)
FWIW, I realize that in my early life I was way too timid about asking about the personal things in other people's lives. Most of the time people welcome that interest (if it's genuine) even on a first casual date.

Be diplomatic but Jump in. If they are offended, they probably aren't right for you anyway.
0 Replies
 
elmo3334
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 May, 2016 12:22 am
First of all thank you for all the advice, I really have no experience in dating and I'm afraid I blew it. This was my first date ever as I mentioned after all. I thought I would feel something more than just confused and that would help me make a decision and suggest a second date. Didn't happen though. Is this normal?

Plus I expected to spark a conversation with her after I sent her a text wishing her Happy Easter which she responded to in the same manner and never initiated something else. If she was interested wouldn't she?

I think I will contact her one last time, just cause I have to be certain of her feelings to move on. Should I do this via phone or text though? It's been a month and I don't know how smoothly a phone call would go. What would you suggest I say to her? Thanks again!
Leadfoot
 
  2  
Reply Sat 21 May, 2016 07:51 am
@elmo3334,
Quote:
Plus I expected to spark a conversation with her after I sent her a text wishing her Happy Easter which she responded to in the same manner and never initiated something else. If she was interested wouldn't she?
What the hell else would a shy girl say to 'Happy Easter"?

Ask her a frigg'n question. Like how did that problem she hinted at work out..
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Sat 21 May, 2016 09:09 am
@elmo3334,
Phone her.

Say hi.

Ask her if she'd like to go for a coffee or a movie or a walk or go to a museum or something.

___

why would she initiate conversation when you haven't

it is kind of difficult when both parties are quiet/shy - but someone has to start talking
0 Replies
 
elmo3334
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 May, 2016 08:51 am
Thank you guys for all the help and advice. I agree on all the good points you have made me aware of through your experiences and I will try to put them into good use. Unfortunately, I just saw theses posts so I didn't use them all when I contacted her, but I felt like I should share with you an update, since you so kindly went out of the way to help me. I figured it would be rude not to.

I sent her a message yesterday telling her I was thinking about her and I asked how she was doing. She responded she was doing well herself but still busy, mentioning here family issue (this time clarifying it was her grandmothers health). She also asked how I was doing. I then responded back wishing here grandmother well and proceeded to apologize for not getting in touch with her earlier due to some issues myself. I then emphasized that I didn't forget her. She said it was OK and that she had personal affairs anyways, wishing me well on my own issues. I followed up by lightening the mood with a funny remark about my job without her being around anymore (here internship had finished there) and she responded in the same funny tone. Finally I told her I would really like to see here again this week if she could find the time.

Now I don't like reading too much into text (that's probably why it was better to call as you suggested) but her response was very short and I think it didn't mirror my enthusiasm. She basically said "OK" and stopped the conversation by saying - in free translation from my language - "See ya!". To tell you the truth I was just happy I set myself out there about my intentions and wasn't really that bothered (after all she at least responded). So I just messaged back to her saying that whenever she finds the time she can text me and we can plan something. I then ended the conversation by wishing here a good evening. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it's safe to say I shouldn't wait to hear from here again.

I'm sure I've made many mistakes on my first attempt, but I hope I learn from them and proceed to make new ones.... just joking! Seriously though, I'm really glad I got out there and that I tried. This has been a great learning experience for me and thank you again guys for helping out.

P.S. Any mistakes I made when texting here please feel free and point them out to me. I love learning!
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 May, 2016 09:06 am
@elmo3334,
Sounds like you handled that pretty well.

Do try and reach out by phone to speak to the next young woman you want to spend time with Smile
0 Replies
 
elmo3334
 
  2  
Reply Sat 18 Jun, 2016 12:59 am
Just a small update before this thread is declared officially closed. I texted here again 2 days later suggesting a time and place to an event I thought would be nice to go to. Unfortunately she turned it down graciously, due to obligations at her village, without suggesting a possible meeting afterwards. I want to thank you all again for helping me out. I'll try to put into action everything that this encounter and you have taught me so far and next time I feel I'll do better because of your feedback. Thank you again for everything!


P.S. One thing that really bugs me though is that she made the first move, and I probably really messed up to make her dislike me on our first one on one encounter. What I mean is that I assume it's easier when someone's already in to you to develop a relationship that when you have to work up to that point first.What can I say! I guess I have to improve a lot!
0 Replies
 
 

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