I can't stay faithful

@Glennn,

Quote:

Leadfoot Quote:
"You too are confused about the difference between intimacy and sex. "

If we follow your logic, your anger with your wife who has cheated on you is unjustified because you failed to accept the fact that she wanted intimacy with you, and sex from another.

You are more confused than I thought.

Quote:

Lead Quote:
"How do you know she has that with her husband?"

By asking this question, you are implying that marrying a man who you are not intimate with is a good idea. Why would you marry someone who you're not intimate with?

It's a good question, but it's done all the time. Probably most of the time. In other cases, intimacy is often lost in the **** storm of life.

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

Quote:

You are more confused than I thought.

That's not a response.

I said: If we follow your logic, your anger with your wife who has cheated on you is unjustified because you failed to accept the fact that she wanted intimacy with you, and sex from another.

That is a legitimate comment to your idea that it's okay to be intimate with one man, while living and having sex with another man.

1 Reply

@Glennn,

Quote:

I said: If we follow your logic, your anger with your wife who has cheated on you is unjustified because you failed to accept the fact that she wanted intimacy with you, and sex from another.

Actually, every comment I've made is addressed to and from the perspective of the wife. I know very little about her but nothing about him, so I reframe from comment concerning him.

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

Quote:

Actually, every comment I've made is addressed to and from the perspective of the wife.

Right. So we are in agreement concerning the fact that she is looking for intimacy through another man because she does not have that with her husband. And this brings us to the fact that she is not happy in her relationship with her husband.

1 Reply

@Glennn,

Quote:

Right. So we are in agreement concerning the fact that she is looking for intimacy through another man because she does not have that with her husband.

I posed that as a possibility. But not the only one.

Although it is apparently not in your mindset (and you are not alone there), it is possible that one might find themselves intimate with someone other than their partner even if their relationship with their partner was healthy.

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

You don't know my mindset.

What I am addressing here is the OP's situation in which her husband is unhappy with her need for intimacy with another man, and her unhappiness with her husband's anger with her for needing intimacy outside their relationship.

1 Reply

@Glennn,

Quote:

You don't know my mindset.

I said apparently. So is what I suggested in your mindset?

As for the rest of your last post, Me too. We can't address it any other way than from her perspective. I suspect we approach that in different ways.

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

Quote:

I know very little about her but nothing about him, so I reframe from comment concerning him.

Nonsense. The OP has made it clear that she wants intimacy with someone besides her husband. She has also made it clear that her husband is opposed to her having what she wants. What we have here is two people who are opposed in their ideas of what a happy relationship is.

Quote:

We can't address it any other way than from her perspective.

So describe what you believe her perspective is.

1 Reply

@Glennn,

Quote:

Nonsense. The OP has made it clear that she wants intimacy with someone besides her husband. She has also made it clear that her husband is opposed to her having what she wants.

And that makes you believe you know a lot about her?

In the real world that describes a lot of people.

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

In the context of the OP's problem as she has described it, I know enough about her to offer my assessment of her situation. She's in an unhappy marriage. If you believe that I've misread the problem and am incorrect in my assessment of the situation, please correct me.

1 Reply

@Glennn,

Quote:

I was faithful for about 2 years but was in a emotional relationship during that time that kept me tied. Now I don't know what to do. My husband found out about the emotional affair that went on for about 3 years. I had to cut it and am completely heart broke. I just started a physical affair a few months ago and am hooked. Don't know how to quit it but it's became like I can't go without two men in my life. I am 24 with 3 boys. So I am not looking to divorce as I love my husband. It

The only indication that she's in an unhappy marriage is the line about "during that time that kept me tied."
Nobody like to be tied up, even in the figurative sense. But most spouses do that to each other, unfortunately it's considered "normal".

Other than that she says, "I am not looking to divorce as I love my husband.". Most marriages start out that way. Then they start putting each other in cages and it really fucks things up. Listen to most any top 40 'love' song. It preaches the same sad formula.

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

Quote:

As much as I want to, I have a cheating problem. My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We only dated 6 months but even then I was cheating. I was faithful for about 2 years but was in a emotional relationship during that time that kept me tied. Now I don't know what to do. My husband found out about the emotional affair that went on for about 3 years. I had to cut it and am completely heart broke. I just started a physical affair a few months ago and am hooked. Don't know how to quit it but it's became like I can't go without two men in my life. I am 24 with 3 boys. So I am not looking to divorce as I love my husband. It seems that my emotional affair kept me grounded to just my husband and him but hubby made me quit it.

This is her post in its entirety. I've bolded the parts that indicate that she's in an unhappy marriage.

She was not being honest with her husband even before they married. Is this your idea of a happy woman?

She had to cut off an emotional affair which completely broke her heart. Is this your idea of a happy woman?

She just started a sexual affair with another man--presumably behind her husband's back--because she can't help herself. Is this your idea of a happy woman?

Her husband made her quit the emotional affair that she says kept her grounded to her husband and the other man. Is that you idea of a happy woman?

1 Reply

@Glennn,

Quote:

This is her post in its entirety. I've bolded the parts that indicate that she's in an unhappy marriage.

She was not being honest with her husband even before they married. Is this your idea of a happy woman?

She had to cut off an emotional affair which completely broke her heart. Is this your idea of a happy woman?

She just started a sexual affair with another man--presumably behind her husband's back--because she can't help herself. Is this your idea of a happy woman?

Her husband made her quit the emotional affair that she says kept her grounded to her husband and the other man. Is that you idea of a happy woman?

You are projecting your feelings on her.

Where does she say she unhappy with her marriage? She only says she is unhappy with the situation. She says she loves her husband.

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

Quote:

Where does she say she unhappy with her marriage?

Wow! You really have no concept of reading between the lines, do you? In fact, you don't even have to read between the lines. You interpret her hiding her sexual relations with another man from the man she was dating for six months and is now married to as the actions of a happy woman? And you interpret her admission of having a completely broken heart when her husband demanded she end her emotional relationship with another man as that of a happy woman? And you interpret her admission of recently starting another sexual affair with a man behind her husband's back as the act of a happy woman? Really?

The most interesting part of this is that you believe that everything she has said is an indication that she is happy in her marriage, and only unhappy with her situation, and that you come to this conclusion because she didn't come right out and say that she is unhappy with her marriage? Good grief man, her marriage is the central issue of her situation. And you thought that I was projecting my feelings onto her?

1 Reply

@Glennn,

Quote:

The most interesting part of this is that you believe that everything she has said is an indication that she is happy in her marriage,

Not happy IN her marriage, happy WITH her marriage, if only she could have it free of guilt about wanting intimacy with who she wished.

I suspect she may not fully understand the reasons behind her actions and guilt and that is why I bothered to address her. Will it help? Highly unlikely, given the nature of anonymous internet communications on a public forum with people telling you 5 different directions to go, but what the heck, it can't hurt.

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

Quote:

Not happy IN her marriage, happy WITH her marriage

You're saying that she can be happy with her marriage even though she is not happy in her marriage. That makes no sense at all.

1 Reply

@Glennn,

OK.

0 Replies

@Leadfoot,

I only love my wife. Indifferent to other women since I met her 12 years ago.
She is really DIFFERENT, the word is rather, unique. No reason to look around. See the lovely thing about complexity in this world is the exceptions to the rule. Had you ask me about fidelity before I met her I would laugh in your face.

0 Replies

@G2g,

You have an attention problem regarding males. At least that's how it looks.
Although you like your husband you are far from loving him deeply.

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I am settled in my home overseas. I decided to check back on this site because yes I still struggle with my issues. I understand why people would judge and be mad about what I did. I guess in my heart I wish I could be in an open relationship but am not willing to leave my husband over it. I do love my husband but yes I do seek attention from other men for whatever reason that I can not figure out. Sadly everything I did say was true (for those who think I am false).

1 Reply

I can't stay faithful

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