HOCD or in denial lesbian?

I am really confused lately and I don't know if it is HOCD..

Last fall, I had a lesbian erotic dream. I didn't enjoy it in my dream and when I woke up, all I could think of was the idea of boobs suffocating me unpleasantly. For a week or two last fall, I was in a panic thinking that I was a lesbian in denial. I was constantly checking out women and lost interest in men. It "went away" or I didn't notice myself panicking anymore but that feeling has been back for about a month now and I can't shake it. I have been with my bf for almost 6 years, mostly long distance. He thinks I just need affection but I am afraid that I won't be attracted to him when I see him this summer and it scares me. If I had crushes, they were on men but I am extremely picky.. I mean really picky. My friends will say, "Wow, he's cute." and in my head, I just think "Really? I guess he is kind of okay." I have always had very strong crushes on male celebrities. When I was very young, I remember feeling a weird attraction to my friend that was a girl but it was only for like a day and based off of a dream, I think. I could always tell when a girl is attractive but now it is getting weird. I watch male porn but lately I am only attracted to women until I get really horny, then I watch male porn and it gets me off. I still question myself all the time... like "What if I only watch male porn because watching lesbian porn would turn me on and I am afraid of that?" I have tested myself that way, too and I can get slightly aroused but I don't know if it is my mind or actual arousal.. I think about my past experiences with other girls and question whether or not I might have had a crush on them... I wake up thinking about it and go to sleep thinking about it and I get very anxious around all women. I have suffered from severe anxiety and OCD my entire life. I have been on anti-anxiety medications, gone to a therapist, etc. I haven't had my period for almost two months, could that have something to do with it? A build up of hormones or something? I feel so confused. I have always been an advocate for gay rights, also so being gay would not be absolutely terrible even though I would rather be straight.. Lesbian sex seems very unfulfilling to me. I don't find any guys attractive when I am feeling this way and it is weird. I just feel very confused and I would like to know what is going on!!